Episode 59:
Surprisingly, Lee Jae-heon’s words were advice purely out of good will.
To him, the chicks in this world seemed too soft. However, in the other side of the world, there were no such cushions, and he hoped that they would escape the cushions as soon as possible and become full-fledged adults.
‘That’s because in the world of previous lives, most people didn’t place much value on memories.’
This is separate from the value Jaeheon Lee places on the human spirit.
Of course, there were people who believed it was valuable, but they did not say it out loud. Because it was the story of a dreamer steeped in dreams, explaining those values to others was accompanied by quite a bit of embarrassment.
So, naturally, I didn’t remember anything. I wasn’t mentally shocked by the pain. I didn’t celebrate my birthday. There were some people who did that, but in those cases, there was a high possibility that the family would be harmonious or four-dimensional, like in a fairy tale. Of course, Jaeheon Lee’s family was not like that.
To Lee Jae-heon, the values of the current world were both very cringeworthy and frustrating.
‘I feel like I’m a man caught in the middle of five-year-old children playing house.’
It made me want to ask what on earth grown adults were doing.
If the family in my current life was very normal and ordinary, I would compare it with the common sense of my previous life and find problems, but that wasn’t the case. Whether it was my current life or my past life, it didn’t really fit the common sense of the current world.
Therefore, all of Lee Jae-heon’s words were pure advice.
‘I guess you can understand this much.’
To summarize:
I know you mean it, but I am very uncomfortable with your concerns. But if we want to make a living as humans, don’t we need some efficiency? I won’t force you in any way and I won’t die either, so don’t worry. Even if I die, I will still be useful. If I became useless anyway, how worried would an old man like this be?…
He truly thought so. Of course, it was natural for a normal person to worry and look after something even if it became useless because of their affection for it, but Lee Jae-heon’s common sense, which was literally on a different level, could not reach that point. If this wasn’t a secret world, he would have felt a little uncomfortable, but the current Lee Jae-heon is equipped with the common sense of his past life that specialized in survival.
In the end, what is important to him is the future, not the past, and the usefulness, not the person itself. All of this was natural in the world of his past life. There was no reason to even think it was strange.
In addition, I thought it was perfect because he explained it in an uncharacteristically simple and easy manner.
“….”
That didn’t exactly match the protagonist’s thoughts.
“It doesn’t seem to be poisonous and it tastes good. “I think I’ll just have to pick a few.”
“…Of course.”
“Then I will call the others. “Please work hard first.”
It was a very business-like voice.
Seeing Manager Lee Jae-heon leaving with a limp, In-ho Jeong approached the tree with glass beads while maintaining a mechanical smile. It was a movement that was neither fast nor slow.
And when I could no longer hear the sound of footsteps, I calmly buried my forehead into its torso.
“…under.”
My head hurt.
A little much.
* * *
Jeong In-ho did not like Director Lee Jae-heon.
Exactly, that wasn’t the case, and although there were all sorts of reasons, the most fundamental cause was the other person’s sense of discomfort. All of those actions that make it difficult to see Director Lee Jae-heon as a human being like us.
He was ethically twisted. He seems to know that too, but his thoughts are so distorted that even Lee Jae-heon himself doesn’t know. If you look at the examples, it may not be possible to sum them up one by one, but there was one thing that was most certain.
Manager Lee Jae-heon did not see people as people.
‘efficiency.’
Just how to do it efficiently.
Then, we only looked at what role an individual can play in an arbitrary situation.
In fact, if it were just that much, In-ho Jeong would not have rejected or denied Director Jae-heon Lee. It was common for Manager Lee Jae-heon, who was an old-timer, a parachute, and a rich man, to look at people like trash, and if that had been the case, Jeong In-ho would have also treated him with a more at ease.
However, Director Lee Jae-heon was much stricter with himself.
‘It was an attitude of not seeing oneself as a person.’
It was, to say the least, inhumane. It didn’t seem human.
Manager Lee Jae-heon acted as if he had no name. Although I never received proper affection, I wanted to appear normal and acted as if I had learned life from books. There was a sense of discomfort that could not be hidden between his every word and phrase.
Is this what it would look like if you gave a personality to a toy that was rolled in a child’s hand? If you pulled a character from a game into reality, would it look like this? He could not hide his fatigue, even though he acted as if he existed only to fulfill a certain role.
All of those actions felt extremely uncomfortable to Jeong In-ho.
‘Is that really a human being?’
So much so that I thought about it.
“…for now… let’s just pick about 10.”
Jeong In-ho muttered that and stretched out his hand to pick the fruit. The smooth texture felt like a fingerprint between my fingers.
Jeong In-ho’s own face is dimly reflected on the glass-like shell.
“…How did I know this?”
Sometimes, when he observed Manager Lee Jae-heon, he remembered the spider-legged monster he first saw at the company. It was clearly different from Director Lee Jae-heon, with its legs stretched out so long that you couldn’t even tell where its face was, showing its murderous intent, but even though you knew that, you couldn’t help but compare it to something like that.
Director Lee Jae-heon didn’t seem to be alive. But it was alive. It resembles a machine without emotions. But it’s not without emotions. Although he seemed very calm because he could not feel fear, at the same time he was constantly afraid of something. However, Director Lee Jae-heon himself was so familiar with all of these things that he seemed to feel no need to run away.
In the first place, what kind of human being can adapt to pain?
‘Unless he’s a monster…’
“…Of course, Director Jae-Heon Lee is not a monster.”
To be considered a monster, it cared too much for others.
My shoulders are pierced and my arms are split. Even if your legs melt and scratches appear under your feet, that’s it. Director Lee Jae-heon took advantage of his familiarity with pain and tried to somehow save others.
However, he did not shed tears or scream when he was in pain, scared, or having a hard time. Then he acted as if his own value was being reduced. No matter how you look at that kind of figure, it doesn’t look like any other human form that In-ho Jeong knows, so the low pitch of the song often causes confusion.
‘But I have clear feelings for Director Lee Jae-heon.’
Although he lives with a separate personality, almost to the point of having a dual personality, he is not ignorant of emotions, and if so, all of Director Lee Jae-heon’s discomfort may have been due to acquired factors, not innate ones.
And the biggest possibility suspected of being the factor was the underworld they were currently stepping into.
‘It can’t be explained otherwise…’
No matter how much it is.
“….”
There were many strange things about Manager Lee Jae-heon’s common sense.
“…It’s higher than I thought.”
He easily gave up on the fruit that was out of his reach and moved on. I only needed to get about 3 more.
In-ho Jeong remembered the reaction he had when he criticized Director Jae-heon Lee for his insensitivity to risk. What kind of expression did he make when he heard words that should not be adapted to fear and pain?
What did you say?
‘…Is everyone like that…?’
That was definitely a question.
And there was doubt.
Manager Lee Jae-heon’s eyes widened as if he had heard such a thing for the first time in his life. On the contrary, Jung In-ho himself, who says such things, is even more strange, as if he lived in a world where it is common sense to be terrified and endure pain.
‘Plus, it’s strange that they’re acting like they’re experimenting on themselves.’
Jeong In-ho believed in the goodness of humans, but at the same time, he also knew selfishness. No matter how much knowledge he gained from visiting the underworld before, I thought Lee Jae-heon would be more familiar with how to survive by sacrificing others.
However, Jaeheon Lee sacrificed himself from beginning to end to ensure the safety of the group. That was the first thing I did when I left the office, that was the first thing I did to check the dangers of the hallway we were forced to lead, and that was also the same when I had to scout the surroundings or do something.
I couldn’t tell if he was thinking that way because he was crazy about efficiency, or because he couldn’t survive without doing that. To find out such things, I don’t know objectively whether the relationship between him and Manager Lee Jae-heon was good, but subjectively it wasn’t very good.
In the end, In-ho Jeong hated Director Jae-heon Lee, but on the other hand, he also had these thoughts.
“…to whom.”
Who on earth did you learn such useless common sense from?
‘He couldn’t have thought that of himself.’
I thought it was a bit of an excessive delusion, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.
Although I really hate to admit it, Director Lee Jae-heon was an extremely smart and talented person. If he was clever, there was no way he would suddenly belittle himself with so many clever tricks.
That is, even if In-ho Jeong and the others spent the same amount of time in the underworld as Director Jae-heon Lee, they would not have the same twisted common sense as him. We already had general common sense in reality, and even if we tried to forget this common sense, we did not forget it. Even if it is recognized that thinking like Lee Jae-heon is more efficient, that foundation will not be forgotten.
In the end, Director Lee Jae-heon must have also been a bit small and young. I don’t know when or how many times he visited this world, but his judgment may have been so clouded that he may not have been able to think clearly.
So, if someone was older than him. Or your boss. If a superior had instilled that kind of common sense…
“….”
It didn’t seem completely unreliable.
However, for this assumption to be true, Director Lee Jae-heon had to have been quite young at the time.
In those times when I didn’t have strong values. In the days when it was more natural to go to school or eat meals facing your parents. Or, rather than standing alone, it should have been Lee Jae-heon at an age where he was accustomed to relying on and leaning on the words of adults, accepting them as world wisdom.
“…well.”
However, thinking about it like that made my head hurt a little.
‘If this is true… you’ve been forced to make sacrifices since you were young.’
It was absurd to me to think of a novel about how long it had been since I had seen his true face, but it was not as easy to erase as that thought.
Just because he was Manager Lee Jae-heon when he was young, his talents and abilities would not have gone anywhere. Since he had a dull side by nature, he may have taken his own sacrifice for granted simply through the words of others. Anyway, Director Lee Jae-heon was a person with an unconscious desire to help others.
“If you think about it that way…”
I understood those bizarre values and ideas about efficiency.
Things like feeling the need to adapt to fear and pain and not feeling any anger towards it, seeing other people’s worries as an inconvenience and a burden, and having the habit of using oneself as an experiment without any hesitation. He was a type of person rarely found in modern times.
Besides, I knew it from textbook knowledge. In extreme situations, humans can commit acts that deviate from ethics, and if Director Lee Jae-heon had not been there, our group would not have been able to maintain a cool-headed mind as we do now.
The group was still not in very good condition, but there was a big difference with or without that help.
‘I wonder if that’s what happens if you stay in the secret world for a long time, but that’s probably not true.’
If that were the case, Director Lee Jae-heon alone would not have received such a return notice.
Manager Lee Jae-heon felt like he alone suffered all the damage that our group should have suffered. I took the attitude that it was natural for me to get hurt myself and bear the pain of others.
If all the survivors in the previous world had changed to the same mindset as Lee Jae-heon, the current situation was somehow strange. This means that Jaeheon Lee would not have tried to endure all of this alone. Rather, they probably tried to share that burden because they thought it was natural for others to have this common sense as well. To be beaten, you have to be hurt equally and suffer equally.
“… So in the end, it is natural for me to be sick, but I don’t think it is right for others to be sick.”
That makes sense.
There was no way that Manager Lee Jae-heon, who was so seasoned and experienced, could have come up with such ridiculous common sense on his own. Even if it was like that when I was young, I had to live with people who had common sense and think more clearly. Because human relationships are such a concept.
Jeong In-ho, who came to that point, stopped thinking further.
“…It’s not like I can do anything about it.”
It was a rather cynical voice.
Just because he has that kind of past, what can he really do for Director Lee Jae-heon? Or what kind of psychological treatment or counseling can you provide?
Assistant Manager Jeong In-ho could not do that.
In the end, the current group all owed their lives to Director Lee Jae-heon. It’s not that I don’t think he’s shamelessly clinging to me, but if he adopts his characteristic overbearing attitude and makes sacrifices in good faith. In that case, what on earth do we, who are in B’s position, have to say to Director Lee Jae-heon to change his common sense?
“Is this enough?”
After collecting 10 circles, Jeong In-ho leaned against a tree and looked at the fruit placed on the ground.
He was a person who had never shown any emotions beyond annoyance or burden, even though his companions tried to stop him so much. There was no way that In-ho Jeong or anyone else could fix Manager Lee Jae-heon, who already had a very sensitive and twisted personality.
So, even if I felt instinctive sympathy, I should have hidden it and not held my tongue at your twisted side. That is, if you are someone who has been helped by him.
In the end, In-ho Jeong disliked Director Jae-heon Lee and
called him “Assistant Manager Jeong.”
“….”
“I brought the kids.”
“…It took you a little while.”
“I was trying to find a way.”
I didn’t want to share his useless memories or pain other than knowledge.
Jeong In-ho glanced at Lee Jae-heon’s limping leg, but then naturally looked away so as not to be noticed. He took the first step before the slower-paced opponent arrived.
Manager Lee Jae-heon asked.
“So how did you win so much?”
“…about 10 for now. “I’ll pick more if I need it.”
“I think it’ll be enough.”
“Uh… Is it okay to pick this? “It looks like a light bulb.”
“You look really pretty, it’s amazing.”
Manager Lee Jae-heon said as he plucked a glass bead from a slightly higher position.
“Looking at it, it tasted good too. “It doesn’t seem like there’s any poison.”
“…Have you tried it first again?”
“…No, I like that scent….”
Another play started naturally.
Suddenly, In-ho Jeong’s eyes landed on Manager Jae-heon Lee’s wrist, which was covered in shards of glass.
“….”
Why don’t those wounds seem to heal?
Seeing Manager Lee Jae-heon consciously trailing off at Da-hoon Park’s distorted gaze, In-ho Jeong gave strength to the glass bead he was holding. The glass, as thin as a sugar cookie, easily cracked with the slightest force. Maybe it was only Jeong In-ho who felt that way. Clink
like that
.
“….”
A familiar bursting sound was heard.
“…Then let’s move before the sun sets.”
Don’t expect too much.
So, as long as you don’t suddenly die one day, it’s okay.
