Episode 330
Jeong In-ho has never felt this helpless.
In the first place, being helpless means that you had strength in mind and body until then. For Jeong In-ho, who was originally insensitive to emotions and led by reason rather than mood, the current feeling of helplessness was unfamiliar. And as unfamiliar as it was, I couldn’t respond properly.
“You’re busy these days.”
All I could do was say these kind words.
“What…”
“….”
“…Of course.”
In the beginning of Jeong In-ho, Lee Jae-heon looked at himself. It was definitely a dry look, but I couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t a simple observation, but a look filled with concern. Actually, Lee Jae-heon is a person who is not good at showing such emotions, so isn’t that why he keeps such an expressionless face?
“I heard you were talking to people…”
“I guess I knew.”
“I can’t help it because I can see it.”
In fact, it wasn’t long before I realized that Jaeheon Lee was managing the conditions of the survivors. It also meant that Jung In-ho had been blank for a long time.
“Aren’t you tired too, Manager?”
Maybe that’s why words come out without thinking.
“Isn’t it troublesome to see people around?”
It could have been Jeong In-ho’s own impression.
‘It’s natural that it’s difficult.’
Although he was capable of regression and was rational enough to be considered excessive, in the end, Jeong In-ho was also a member of society who worked an ordinary company until not long ago. Excluding the jogging he did when he had time, he wasn’t a professional athlete like Noh Yeon-seok, nor was he extremely unscrupulous like Song In-myeong.
Neither as strong as Noh Yeon-seok nor as crooked as Song In-myeong, he was an ordinary person who could be worn out at any time.
“Because it’s what I have to do.”
“Aha…”
So this answer sounded very strange.
“…why?”
How could you?
“Why did you think that?”
I was curious why he didn’t give up even though he lived such a life.
For a while he pretended not to know, but in the end, Lee Jae-heon was a person who lived because he could not die. When he felt the urge for a long time, he was unable to die because he was chosen as the ‘main character’ of that damn thing, and now he is a person who is forced to hold on to the survivors, perhaps because he has too many responsibilities to commit suicide. That was the Lee Jae-heon that Jung In-ho knew.
“Honestly, it’s not something the manager has to do. “I have no responsibility or obligation.”
“I’m worried.”
“…What?”
“I’m afraid that In-ho Jeong will give up at this rate.”
“Can’t we do that?”
“Everyone has the right to give up.”
Lee Jae-heon answered the question that came to mind in an indifferent voice.
“….”
“…But it would be a problem if the end was ruined.”
Jaeheon Lee was now worried about Inho Jeong.
It’s okay to throw away all the responsibility he’s felt in the secret world, but wouldn’t that cause Jeong In-ho to break down? It was the look in the eyes of someone who was worried that it might collapse. Jeong In-ho found it incredibly strange.
“…Can I have a little chat?”
“Once again.”
“Manager, you’re really crazy.”
“It’s one of my many shortcomings.”
“It might be an advantage.”
“really?”
“….”
“Do you think so?”
“…Ah….”
I laughed.
“I don’t know anymore.”
I know that Lee Jae-heon has survived until now by relying on his ingenuity. If he hadn’t behaved that way towards Jeong In-ho and others, he would have died when he first came to the secret world, and he wouldn’t have constantly tried to sacrifice himself thereafter.
‘It felt a little better now… but it was all my mistake.’
Recently, I felt relieved that Lee Jae-heon did not bother to sacrifice his life to save people. Of course, it was inevitable that he would get hurt if he took his eyes off her for a moment, but that was unavoidable because Lee Jae-heon’s self-esteem was extremely low. Still, in this hidden world, it’s quite…
“…That’s not true. “Why do you keep saying this?”
“Are you swearing all of a sudden?”
“Even if I try not to curse, I can’t. “Do you like being sick?”
When I think about it, in the first episode, I hid it in other people’s warehouses and was killed by a monster outside, and in another episode, I was alone guarding the outside of the bathroom door and searched it, saying I would save Park Da-hoon. Moreover, this time, I think he will be tied to something like a torture chair so as not to cause any trouble even while he is turning into a plaster statue.
“i know? “The more it happens, the bigger the blow to us.”
I tried to express my resentment, but Lee Jae-heon didn’t seem to understand. No, he seemed to know that he was roughly talking about a previous episode, but that doesn’t mean Jaeheon Lee can really recall the memories of that time.
“It’s annoying.”
“Is it okay for me to be angry now? “There are degrees of extreme and extreme.”
Jeong In-ho blinked slowly at his light tone.
“Boss.”
“Please speak.”
“I killed the manager.”
They say it’s wise to keep quiet when you’re angry, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with Jung In-ho. By the time I thought over the words that came out in tears, it was already too late, and in the end, he had no choice but to stutter out what I said once again.
“I killed you.”
In-ho Jeong killed Jae-heon Lee.
Still, why is Lee Jae-heon worried about Jung In-ho?
“You know, right…? Or are you doing this without knowing?”
“I know.”
“….”
“I heard the story from Ha Seong-yoon.”
“…Then why are you like this? Really…”
There was a hint of laughter in Jeong In-ho’s voice. Even Jeong In-ho himself found it uncomfortable to listen to the voice, which was devoid of any emotion or awareness and only took the form of laughter. The pathetic and empty laughter was not only meaningless but also made me feel bad.
“How can you look so casual?”
Jeong In-ho could not understand Lee Jae-heon.
It wasn’t that Lee Jae-heon had the perverse idea that nothing would really matter. How could that be? Jeong In-ho was the one who fed Lee Jae-heon small fruits and made him feel sick. The pain I felt at that time. An auditory hallucination. The pressure that was weighing down my lungs was not something a normal person could have.
‘I still feel stuffy in my throat.’
I wanted to rip off the skin on his neck like crazy, but I couldn’t bear the pain, so I could barely resist the urge. Lee Jae-heon was even insensitive to the pain. I knew that the reason he didn’t scratch places like his neck or wrists was simply to avoid raising questions to others.
“It’s hard for you too, Manager.”
It was a mental power that was difficult to understand.
“Humans are just… that’s right. “You are the most important.”
“so?”
“I don’t think that’s what the manager said…”
Yes, that’s right. Jaeheon Lee wasn’t giving up.
“….”
“….”
We are able to endure because we have given up and resigned ourselves to too many things.
“…How do you feel?”
“I wish you would ask me specifically.”
“How does it feel to live like that? “If you just live like that, resigned to everything.”
“It’s not that I gave up, it’s just the way it was.”
“Isn’t that the problem?”
In response to Jeong In-ho’s question, Lee Jae-heon sat next to him. Jeong In-ho glanced at Lee Jae-heon at his calm behavior, but his gaze returned to the empty sky. Unlike the empty sky, Lee Jae-heon’s color was so dark that it hurt my eyes.
Despite Jeong In-ho’s attitude, Lee Jae-heon, who had not said anything, opened his mouth.
“As for how I feel… I feel comfortable.”
“Nonsense.”
“If I could only eliminate physical pain or mental pain, I would choose the latter. The time I spend worrying about it takes too much effort and is a hassle. “If I just remember what I have to do and do it, there is nothing to worry about.”
“It’s very desperate.”
“It’s not that I gave up or resigned, but that I decided on the direction of my life. “Can’t you think about it that way?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m very ordinary, but I’m not crazy like the manager.”
“You disgusting bastard.”
Jeong In-ho burst into laughter.
“Ah, it’s nice to hear from you after a long time….”
“Are you crazy?”
“I think it’s similar.”
He looked up from the sky and lowered his head, burying his face in his hands.
“But I don’t want to go as crazy as the manager.”
It’s amazing, Lee Jae-heon was a pitiful person.
Jeong In-ho knew how crazy his own death and that of others could drive a person. I didn’t know it before, but now I think I know it. Perhaps because I had an unreasonable sense of ownership over this concept of return, the blow was greater than the last time I was at the park. I became sensitive to even the smallest details, but there was nothing trivial in the other world.
“I don’t understand.”
My voice trembled a little.
“How on earth can I become that dull?”
Lee Jae-heon’s death was too serious to say it wasn’t a big deal.
The color was so vivid that it was difficult to even look away, and in the end, it was impossible to look away. That was Jung In-ho’s limit, but how on earth is Lee Jae-heon, the person responsible for his death, living?
“I died this time, so I came back and thought a lot about it. In fact, I think I spent more time bruised than thinking about it… But that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about it at all.”
“What were you thinking like that?”
“Aren’t you scared?”
“very.”
“…they think I know what I’m talking about and give that answer.”
“….”
Lee Jae-heon said, looking at Jeong In-ho.
“Isn’t death scary, Jeong In-ho?”
“…I am.”
“Yes you are.”
“I asked about the manager.”
“That’s it.”
“That’s right.”
In response to Jeong In-ho, Lee Jae-heon scratched his neck. I thought the bad habit he had briefly seen in the park had relapsed, but he was so exhausted that he had nothing to say, so he just kept his mouth shut.
“…It looks like you want to hear my story…”
Lee Jae-heon, who hurt his neck despite having no fingernails, continued.
“I was a little scared when I was young.”
“…what…”
“I was scared of dying.”
“….”
I thought there was a time when you were like that too.
“When I became less impressed by my own death, I became afraid of other people’s deaths. “Rather than a physiological fear, I hated variables that I couldn’t figure out.”
“It sounds strange.”
“Actually, to be honest, I’ve never thought about it that much… Rather than it affecting me emotionally, I felt uncertain about my future. “I also need to make a living, but this world is too harsh for a child with nothing to do to survive.”
“Nothing special?”
“Then you thought I would have done well at everything from the beginning? “What kind of a scoundrel who has nothing to do with being good at anything but evil…”
Lee Jae-heon’s face was filled with such disgust that I could tell that he was sincere. I wanted to argue that if the youngest member of Ohsung Group was a slob, then what are real scum? But looking at Lee Jae-heon’s stomach and legs, which were still dripping with blood, it was difficult to say such a thing.
Jeong In-ho, who had suddenly taken his gaze off the sky, turned his head to Lee Jae-heon.
“So what now?”
“It doesn’t really mean anything anymore.”
“What about guilt?”
“….”
At those words, Lee Jae-heon closed his mouth as if he were out of breath.
“…just…”
Lee Jae-heon’s eyes were such a vivid gray that I wondered why I only noticed it now.
“It can’t be helped.”
“…Guilt?”
“Because it’s such a useless feeling.”
Contrary to his words, Lee Jae-heon’s expression was empty, dry, and most of all, full of fatigue.
For the first time in a long time, Jeong In-ho felt a slight doubt in the sincerity of this exhausted person. Isn’t Lee Jae-heon a person who rarely talks about himself?
“…I have a question.”
It’s been a long time since I realized that an opportunity had come to me, and it was too precious a gift to let go just because I was helpless. Jeong In-ho grabbed Lee Jae-heon, who looked like he was going to run away if he left it like this, and asked.
“How do you feel every time you go back?”
“….”
The gray eyes that were looking into space caught Jeong In-ho.
“…How do you feel when you die?”
“…yes.”
“well.”
Jaeheon Lee muttered as if it was an unfamiliar question he had never been asked before.
“I’m not sure…”
(Continued in the next episode)
