Episode 32
Lee Jae-heon’s actions were all based on extremely rational calculations.
Originally, humans had a habit of excluding heterogeneous things. By being afraid or in awe of the other person, they dismiss themselves and the other person as completely different beings, or by feeling angry at the other person, they perceive the target as something that can be overcome.
One of the things that is perfect for feeling such heterogeneity is humanity, and the second is death.
‘The problem is that I don’t have both.’
Lee Jae-heon could feel Police Officer Kim looking at him with a sinking gaze, so he covered his eyes with his hands as if drying his face to avoid making eye contact with her. It was such a natural behavior that I found it disgusting.
Of course, this does not mean that Lee Jae-heon lacks humanity. However, his humanity was something far removed from the common sense of today’s life, and for Lee Jae-heon, the humanity of this world was something that was difficult to understand with today’s common sense.
Moreover, Lee Jae-heon even returned when he died, perhaps due to the influence of his past life. This means that he did not feel the fear of death, which all people should have, both in his past life and in his current life.
Lee Jae-heon was someone worth being suspicious of, even if he wasn’t a thoughtful protagonist or a very vigilant detective. Or was it worth fearing, rejecting, or feeling angry about? It was so heterogeneous.
‘But you shouldn’t.’
This world is a 19-year old ruined survival.
One way or another, humans are ultimately social animals, and the same goes for Lee Jae-heon, so ultimately, surviving alone and enjoying wealth and fame is something he cannot even dream of. Just like the concept that the bottom is necessary for the top to exist, it was a natural progression to help the current chicks to achieve what he wanted.
In conclusion, it’s really cumbersome and annoying, but…
”Lee Jae-heon’ has to be something that is acceptable to others.’
Even though he did not value death and life, he had to be seen as such, and he also had to be seen as being caught up in the excessive confusion and terrible pollution. Even if all such concepts and situations are very peaceful for oneself, one must adapt them to the surroundings.
Therefore, Jaeheon Lee created a past that did not exist and fabricated the resulting trauma. All that was needed was shallow self-brainwashing and trauma from his past life, and by bringing in completely unrelated trauma from his past life into his current life, Lee Jae-heon created a new past. I got a new trauma.
And in most cases, nothing more was needed.
“…that guy. sorry. “For no reason did I…”
A sane person would not bother to bring up such trauma.
This was a fact that could be seen just by looking at the way Lee Jae-heon no longer talked about the incident of strangling him in his sleep. Even though you might be quite curious as to what he dreamed and what he experienced to be like this.
‘People are nice.’
I didn’t hate this type of person, but I couldn’t help but feel that they were inefficient.
Now that I think about it, even though I’m a police officer now, I’m hoping to become a detective someday. There is no way that he would be completely ignorant of human psychology on such a topic, so he seemed to have realized that what Jaeheon Lee was seeing was a true trauma. Of course, it did not originate in this life, but was entirely from a past life.
He answered in a subdued voice.
“No, thanks. “There were no problems.”
“…I think you’re too injured for that to be true.”
“Still, I received treatment…”
Lee Jae-heon covered his mouth with his hand, as if squeezing it.
There were times when it was a habit without much intention, but right now, it was meant to stop a clown who was trying to be funny by pressing his lips.
okay. Then
“there really is no problem.”
What kind of person do I appear to that person?
I didn’t want to make a mistake twice unless it was necessary. Lee Jae-heon imagined how the other person would view him.
Did he intentionally show a slight sense of fear earlier in order to appear humane? A little while ago, he woke up and strangled himself as if he was going to kill himself, and did not even take care of the wounds that were inflicted when Police Officer Kim stopped him. Even thinking about it again, they didn’t look particularly normal.
So what does Lee Jae-heon look like when he continuously commits such crazy acts? A person who struggles to remain calm despite being weighed down by trauma? Or a crazy person who is cornered to the point of involuntary self-harm but is unaware of it? Or am I a psychopath who doesn’t value my own wounds?
‘Either way, it’s a pretty annoying seed to live with…’
This wasn’t a big problem. So, Jaeheon Lee has been acting quite normally up to this point.
Even though he looks a little crazy, it’s not to the point where he can’t live his daily life, and I’m trying to take care of him on my own, so even though he’s mentally ill, he’s not the type that requires a lot of work. In fact, he had the fighting skills he showed off when they first encountered him, so at least he wouldn’t be considered a burden.
No matter what anyone says, the current Jaeheon Lee was a ‘useful psychopath’. First of all, no matter what happens to the image, its value will never drop.
He opened his mouth as he inspected his body one by one.
“Rather than that, Kim Yeon-woo, are you okay?”
Of course, I asked because I knew it couldn’t be okay.
‘Because I have to take the initiative.’
Even though it was unavoidable, he did not like his current situation of being protected by Police Officer Kim.
Being protected means being divided into a guardian and a protected person, which means that the initiative has been taken away, and this will be a disadvantage in front of everyone you meet later. Whether it’s my group or the detective who’s coming.
So far, the focus has been on the state of Lee Jae-heon, a mentally ill person, but I had no intention of revealing his origins any further. He felt that he needed to change the current atmosphere.
Police officer Kim blinked at Lee Jae-heon’s words and then answered.
“It’s okay. As I said earlier, I received treatment…”
“I’m talking about the mind, not the body.”
Yeah, there’s no way it’s going to be okay.
‘Because you’re a good coward.’
Jaeheon Lee internally laughed.
Not everyone who possesses ultimate goodness is brave. Rather, he is a hero because he overcomes his own limitations and somehow endures and overcomes all the hardships and adversities.
‘Police officer Kim Yeon-woo is a coward.’
He’s a good coward.
He has used his seemingly cold appearance as a weapon to harden his speech and make his actions stand out, but his true nature is not going anywhere. She had nightmares about people getting hurt and dying, so there was no way she was sane at the beginning of the story. There’s no way I didn’t encounter a monster at least once on my way to the pavilion inside the park.
And Lee Jae-heon had a knack for pretending that such mental weakness was not the case.
“I felt sick even when I left the office. I felt like I was going to throw up and my head hurt….”
“….”
“I encountered the monster quite a few times, and each time I was out of breath. “It was ridiculous.”
It wasn’t really that bad. Although he was traumatized by the effects of his past life, Lee Jae-heon was a person who knew how to take advantage of even such mental pain.
‘But these words are effective in lowering the other person’s guard.’
These are sentences that let the other person know that I am also in the same situation.
Police Officer Kim is a person with a strong sense of duty toward his job, so he rarely talks about his fatigue, which quickly becomes a barrier to human relationships.
Jaeheon Lee created a commonality that did not exist and asked her to sympathize. Whether or not Police Officer Kim really sympathized with his words. She, who thought of Lee Jae-heon as a sick and difficult patient, could not ignore my words.
As expected, she pursed her lips and nodded slightly.
“…a little yes. “I was scared too.”
I was scared too.
The moment he said that out loud, Police Officer Kim had built up a minimal bond with Lee Jae-heon without even realizing it.
‘This type of empathy may be a bit far-fetched, but it is effective.’
Until just now, Police Officer Kim may have thought to himself, ‘I’m fine.’ That may have been true. Lee Jae-heon only saw her through books, so he didn’t know everything about Kim Yeon-woo, so it was inevitable.
But human words have unexpectedly great power. Stories that are not told or heard directly are likely to disappear from the mind without even a root, and only the stories that come out into the world remain meaningful.
Among the contradictory confrontations between ‘I’m okay’ and ‘Actually, I’m not okay’, the one who came out of his mouth ultimately won.
Looking at Police Officer Kim’s fingers twitching unconsciously, Lee Jae-heon pretended not to notice and continued speaking.
“Fortunately, the. “I thought I was the only one who was a coward.”
“…Didn’t you help me too? Jaeheon Lee is not a coward.”
“Well, I’m also quite scared.”
I deliberately put on a tired expression.
“I don’t know how I’m still alive. “I was in a hurry to run away.”
“is that so.”
Policeman Kim seemed to relax a little at Lee Jae-heon’s words.
He continued to empathize with Police Officer Kim little by little, and it was unclear what she felt there.
In fact, isn’t it a long-standing human tradition to compare one’s own pain with that of others? Of course, Lee Jae-heon didn’t truly sympathize with her, but that wasn’t the important thing.
What was really important was that Constable Kim Yeon-woo accepted the person named ‘Jae-heon Lee’ to some extent, and that this would be able to lower the detective’s guard even just a little. Little by little, Lee Jae-heon felt himself coming out of the boundary of ‘the person who needs to be protected’.
‘It’s okay.’
When he first saw them, they all seemed like dying patients, but now that they had a conversation, Police Officer Kim Yeon-woo would have learned more about the person named ‘Jae-heon Lee.’
This also meant that the word ‘protected’ gradually became blurred in expressing him.
‘Because I, as another survivor, must have unconsciously had a positive influence.’
Lee Jae-heon glanced discreetly at Police Officer Kim, who was looking at the floor.
His gaze was very dry and calm, like that of a person checking the performance of home appliances such as computers or vacuum cleaners. There wasn’t even a trace of human emotion to be found in it.
He thought again.
‘Humans are social animals.’
That’s why, even though I’m scared for a long time, I gain at least some courage when there’s someone other than me. At least have the courage not to commit suicide due to loneliness.
From the looks of it, Police Officer Kim also seems to have a general idea of what kind of space the underworld is, and Lee Jae-heon, who shows a calm appearance as a survivor who can communicate within it, will be quite a welcome presence. Humans could gain power simply by being common sense.
‘So, if I try to coax him further, I might be able to get him to join my side, but…’
This was the right time.
Lee Jae-heon turned his attention to a new popularity.
“Looks like you’re awake?”
“Oh, grandma.”
He caught the person called by Police Officer Kim in his eyes.
Her white hair was speckled with traces of dyeing here and there, but she had tied it all up into a ponytail. His thin body, with fine wrinkles and bones visible, clearly revealed the frailty of an old man, but the glasses on his nose covered up that prejudice.
The owner of Incheok was an old man who treated them and the main character who survived with the main character for quite a long time.
The old man wrinkled his nose and muttered.
“Everyone was dying, but I managed to survive.”
Her calm and blunt tone of voice was no different from that of any other old man, but Lee Jae-heon knew that she was skilfully scanning him. It was a look quite similar to the one he gave Police Officer Kim just moments ago.
Jaeheon Lee quietly pretended not to notice that and lowered his head.
“…I heard that you treated me. thank you.”
“Take it away, I don’t need it. “Don’t bleed and lie down. Why are you up?”
“It’s okay now.”
For a moment, I thought about pretending to be sick like normal people, but I quickly changed my mind.
“I also have to go find my group soon.”
It was too late to pretend to be normal anyway.
A doctor with specialized knowledge joined the group, but manpower was always needed in the underworld where people could die at any time. Moreover, in the case of the doctor, since he is a character that did not exist in the novel, Lee Jae-heon can kill him with ease if necessary. Doctor Ha Seong-yoon was an extra, not a main character, so he had less hesitation about killing him as the story progressed.
In that sense, Jaeheon Lee was going to somehow get that old man to join the group. Even if a doctor dies due to unavoidable circumstances, or even if he does not, medical personnel were needed.
‘If that’s the case, that person will eventually realize the image I’ve already ruined…’
Then, even if she seemed normal now, it would only make her wary in the future, and Lee Jae-heon didn’t want to make her wary if it wasn’t necessary.
He decided to act comfortably, setting aside all common sense in this life.
“…yes? “Are you going now?”
“You must be very worried because you broke up with your group on bad terms. “I have to go look for it soon.”
“It’s impossible to be in that situation, Mr. Lee Jae-heon.”
Police Officer Kim’s hard face distorted. At first glance, he seemed angry, but Lee Jae-heon knew after reading the book. That facial expression with eyebrows gathered together was a reaction to anxiety.
Lee Jae-heon thought happily.
‘What kind of anxiety is this?’
It may be seen as a simple worry, but I don’t know. Humans are not such simple creatures.
He inflicted psychological damage on Police Officer Kim in order to lower the detective’s alertness. And since whispering more than necessary would certainly not look good both from the inside and the outside, it was stopped, and that is why Police Officer Kim must have felt comfortable with the person named ‘Lee Jae-heon’ himself.
That’s because Lee Jae-heon was a survivor who could communicate.
Policeman Kim must have been relieved because he had the strength to run away from the monster for a long time and survive. She was kind, but because she was a coward, she inevitably had anxiety and fear.
‘Of course, it won’t reach the level of friendship or obsession, but…’
You will feel at least some regret. That’s what led me to do that.
Lee Jae-heon, who consciously stopped thinking there, answered.
“It’s not unreasonable at all.”
“Isn’t that unreasonable?”
The person who answered Lee Jae-heon’s words was not police officer Kim, but an old man.
“Don’t trust this old man. “There was no medicine, just tied up with a cloth.”
It wasn’t exactly wrong, but for all that, the skill was good. Looking at the bleeding and tying up the broken parts with an unidentifiable cloth here and there.
He stood up, ignoring his limp leg, and opened his mouth.
“It’s been a while since we parted ways with the group. “If you let yourself be anxious and end up in an accident, that will be a bigger problem.”
“Let’s just leave it at that. “Aren’t the people in that group all grown up?”
“I also have about two children.”
“Hey, hey.”
The old man clicked his tongue once and immediately turned his head away. It wasn’t that she was particularly upset or displeased; it was because of her own indifference and lack of interest in everything in the world.
Only police officer Kim, who didn’t know that, fidgeted with a hard face and then washed his face dry with both hands.
“Joe… can you stay a little longer? At least as long as your legs are functional. In my heart, I want to go out and bring Lee Jae-heon and his companions, but the grandmother is here now…”
“It’s not a wound that will heal in a day or two, is it? “I don’t think I can wait until then.”
“Okay then, I’ll find someone else…! The party I just mentioned is a detective. “If only I could find the real Him…!”
“Didn’t you say you don’t know where it is?”
“…Oh, that’s not possible…. It’s really not possible. I don’t have a mirror right now, so I can’t show you the condition, but if I go to my companions in that condition, it will get worse. “How are you going to handle it if you fall down while you’re at it?”
“….”
“You’re really not feeling well. My grandmother also said that it was a miracle that she was alive. “Just walking itself will be difficult.”
Lee Jae-heon shrugged his shoulders as if it was no big deal.
“You’re not dead.”
“…Have the people in that group never forced anything on Mr. Lee Jae-heon? really? “You can either make them work until they die or something…”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then… you’re not working in a strange job, are you? “Are you a gangster or a loan shark or something like that?”
He burst into laughter without realizing it.
“…What are you saying?”
Even in my past life, let alone my current life, I was far from such a ‘strange workplace’. If we had to be honest, Jaeheon Lee was closer to the side of justice.
However, despite Lee Jae-heon’s appearance, Police Officer Kim seemed to be unable to relax.
‘Well, it probably looks like it’s not normal.’
These are chicks who have just been eaten by the underworld. You probably haven’t forgotten the feel of the comfortable reality yet, but wouldn’t it be even stranger if you reacted calmly to the sight of Lee Jae-heon’s own speckled body?
However, Lee Jae-heon was tired and, above all, had given up on managing the image of this psychotic mind.
Lee Jae-heon, a one-eyed man from a two-eyed village, answered with a sad heart.
“I’m sure I won’t die in the process.”
“…I’m getting more anxious….”
“It’s okay. I didn’t die and I won’t die.”
“….”
“And above all….”
He continued, shaken by a sudden emotion.
“We really need to go before something happens.”
They look like disgusting chicks.
