Episode 316
Woo Joo-young’s feelings while looking at other survivors who said they had gone crazy were very contradictory.
“….”
First of all, I felt pitiful.
‘…were these people like this before?’
Woo Woo-young was a new member of the team and did not know much about the behind-the-scenes world. Although I have picked up information about this world, I have no experience with it. The world I experienced with my whole body was much drier, more bizarre, and thicker than the survivors’ explanations.
But even in that world, the survivors seemed quite fine.
“Chief, so don’t move…”
“Oh, you said you’re fine. “Don’t worry about it all.”
“I need to sit down for a bit so I can feel at ease.”
In particular, Lee Jae-heon, Jeong In-ho, and Ha Seong-yoon seemed to be holding up particularly well. Woo Woo-young felt a sense of disparity and discomfort at the sight of the survivors acting as if this was an ordinary reality.
“….”
It was similar to the feeling she sometimes felt when she saw a monster in the other world.
‘How can they do that?’
Can you really call yourself sane if you act like a sane person in this crazy world?
Since falling here, Woo Soo-young has been in a lot of difficult situations. Would it be more accurate to say that it is difficult? Suddenly losing one’s mind in the heavy atmosphere unique to the secret world was something that Kim Ki-jeong and Lee Yun-byeol often experienced, but this time, the rest except for them were not fine.
“Wow….”
I heard all the honorifics from Manager Lee Jae-heon.
“Live, live….”
“We had the same reaction at first.”
“Mina, I think I’m going crazy.”
“I understand, team leader.”
For some reason, Kang Min-ah, who responded like that, didn’t seem like the person I knew.
‘What is this really?’
Employee Kwon Yeon-hee has just joined the planning team, so I don’t know the details, but was Manager Kang Min-ah always the type of person who had such clear answers? Was Jeong In-ho, the model student among model students who was always smiling, capable of making such rotten facial expressions?
‘What is this strangely calm Manager Lee Jae-heon?’
Moreover, Woo Joo-young could not adapt to the heavy and tattered atmosphere like the concrete wall of the abandoned building that passed between them. Occasionally, when Lee Jae-heon, Jeong In-ho, and Ha Seong-yoon gathered together to talk, the atmosphere became even more intense.
Unable to bear it, Woo Soo-young asked Lee Yun-byeol.
“Usually… Is it always like that…?”
“…Ah…”
Lee Yun-byeol, who managed to understand the meaning of Woo Woo-young’s extremely omitted question, answered.
“We don’t know much, but we get together like that sometimes and talk.”
“But the atmosphere…”
“They seem like people from another world. But in the end, they are doing this to protect us… Now everyone is thinking of doing it.”
“….”
“…Those people are always the ones who get hurt in front of us.”
I couldn’t grasp all the emotions in that voice.
guilty? Feeling indebted? There was a strange nervousness and a natural resignation that seemed familiar. That murmur especially caught Woo Woo-young’s ears.
“….”
People who always get hurt?
“…Uh….”
Why?
‘Don’t you want to run away?’
To be honest, Woo Joo-young even thought about using these people as bait and running away if he had to. Of course, as soon as that thought occurred to me, I tried to come to my senses by slapping myself in the face three times, but at this point, Woo Joo-young, who had such a thought, felt more normal.
Why are you getting hurt standing in front of me? There is no reason or obligation to do so. In particular, Lee Jae-heon seemed to be in the worst condition, as if he had suffered something in an alternate reality.
“Was it like that before?”
Woo Woo-young, who was sitting alone in a daze, muttered as he looked at the survivors moving like a painting.
“Maybe before…”
She thought that these people had changed little by little by the crazy world.
The Kang Min-ah that Woo Woo-young knew was a more timid and quiet person. It’s still the same now, but when I look at the hammer in Kang Min-ah’s hand and her sometimes blue gaze, I feel a strange sense of trust and danger. It looked like a sloppy tower made of heavy stones piled up.
The Jeong In-ho that Woo Joo-young knew was a kind and gentle person, but a strong person on the inside. A person who is not easy, but is also competent and has a good face and personality. Truly a perfect model student. The man who flexibly avoided any abuse and smiled, was here with pitch-black sunken eyes.
And the Lee Jae-heon that Woo Woo-young knows….
“Please, Manager. “Please don’t move.”
“I won’t die.”
“Just because you don’t die doesn’t mean you can die. There’s blood flowing.”
Lee Jae-heon, who I thought was behaving like a child with a normal face.
“Isn’t it okay if I don’t die?”
“….”
“…Ah.”
What should I say?
“….”
“I’m sorry.”
There seemed to be a strange lack of common sense in some places.
‘I didn’t think it was that common sense in real life, but it’s even more common here.’
Surprisingly, the outrageous remark, ‘Isn’t it okay if I don’t die?’ was not an angry remark or a provocation to arouse the other person’s temper, but seemed to be pure sincerity. In the behind-the-scenes world, Jaeheon Lee often acted like I was a worthless brute.
‘I shouldn’t think like this…’
Just like an abandoned hunting dog, it is natural for him to be abused.
“…They said he was a bastard.”
Occasionally, I heard Jung In-ho mumbling while looking at Lee Jae-heon. Did you say he was a son of a bitch? If I had heard it in real life, it would have been a courageous remark that I would have applauded pretending not to have made, but when I thought of it as being said about a poor person who was so tattered and unable to take care of his own sanity, I felt a strange sense of sympathy and awkwardness.
That’s why Woo Joo-young felt sorry for them. In order to survive, they adapted to this crazy world and as a result, they even ate themselves. If you didn’t sympathize with that, you weren’t human.
“….”
But
I was also jealous.
‘…Well, it’s not a bad thing. Yes, that’s right.’
It is no wonder that humans adapt to changing environments. Of course, Lee Jae-heon’s condition seems a little severe, but that was probably the result of adaptation. While nervous and at a loss as he did not know when he would be able to get out of this place, Woo Soo-young persuaded himself little by little.
“It’s something we all do to survive.”
Her vision contained a gloomy world without a single color.
There was no sun, no clouds, and no birds in the sky, which was just white without any color. In the evening, when it was getting dark, Woo Woo-young wondered if he had been swallowed by a monster.
A world of living madmen.
“….”
An ordinary and weak Woo Woo-young suddenly fell there.
That speaks to me.
“…I don’t want to die….”
You’re going to die.
“it’s hard.”
You’re going to be sick.
Is it a bad thing to adapt to a world like this? That wouldn’t be the case. What so many people are adapting to is an overcoming, not a curse.
“….”
“If you’re really scared, no tears come out at all.”
But Jae-Heon Lee said that he shouldn’t do that.
Woo Joo-young felt embarrassed by Lee Jae-heon, who called him out under the pretext of exploring the surrounding area and was yelling at him. For a moment I didn’t understand what he was saying.
“You can cry, but you can’t make a sound and you whine. I can’t sob freely and become infinitely small. I either resent the whole world or I can’t stand myself. “When a person’s emotions reach that extreme, they can’t even scream and their whole body twists.”
But yeah. They say you can’t adapt to this world.
“Woo Joo-young’s tears are ridiculous.”
“…What a foolish child….”
“These are the tears that children shed to find their parents. Crying doesn’t solve every situation, but I keep crying because at least one person is listening. “If I’m not crying to let you know how sad and difficult I am, what’s the point of crying?”
“I’m sorry….”
“I’m not saying those tears are bad, but they’re a bit strange.”
“….”
“I thought it was… strange to see tears that can only be shed in real life.”
Lee Jae-heon made eye contact with Woo Woo-young.
“Did you want to go crazy?”
“…no.”
“Then why? I told you not to do that. “I said no, so why bother adapting?”
“…Uh….”
said Woo Joo-young, who was rolling his eyes here and there.
“…I wanted to help.”
“I thought you were talking to Kang Min-ah. really?”
“No, actually. What can I say… Do you know how I feel so useless? “I know I’m not this stupid and miserable person, but I feel so miserable because I can’t do anything here.”
“aha.”
“I was the person in charge, not the person in charge.”
“Your pride was hurt?”
“I’m embarrassed. But yes. “I think so.”
“So…”
“I wanted to endure it. “I did it because I thought I could overcome it.”
“This is one of the areas where elites are easily mistaken.”
“…I never thought I would be this stupid, but I am. that’s right. I had the illusion that I could do anything. Probably something like that. “It was a mistake.”
“….”
“…But this isn’t a bad illusion.”
You all live like this, why can’t I?
“I didn’t want to feel left out from this group of people who all fit in well except for me.”
Woo Woo-young didn’t even know what he was talking about. If I had heard this at the very beginning, when I had just entered the underworld, I would have listened carefully, checked my own condition, and decided on my next reaction. You must have been careful with every word you said and answered while taking the other person’s feelings into consideration. But I couldn’t.
I felt so wronged, as if I were a child. As I got older, the colorful wisdom scattered and twisted like a tangled thread to become a simple circle, and in the end, I became a pathetic adult who only made unreasonable claims that I was right and you were bad. For her, the villain was Lee Jae-heon.
“So I tried to endure it. I was trying to overcome it. Couldn’t I have done that too? You said not to adapt, but humans are animals of adaptation. “I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
“i think so too.”
“Then?”
“…You’ll regret it.”
However, Woo Joo-young had no choice but to keep his mouth shut at those words.
“When I return home….”
When Woo Soo-young returns home, he will regret it.
“….”
Tuk tuk tuk.
Woo Woo-young’s tears fell on the floor.
“…I don’t even want to regret it….”
Could it be possible to be this cruel?
“okay.”
“I’m scared, manager. “I didn’t want to be scared.”
Although it was clearly not Lee Jae-heon who was at fault, the resentment continued to flow. I had no idea where all these emotions, which in reality were as small as a fingernail, came from. The voices gradually became louder.
“What are you telling me to do? I would rather lose my mind than just stand there being scared all the time. That’s convenient. That’s better than being separated by myself. I’m scared of being alone. It’s so scary here and I wanted to get better. “I wanted to change.”
“I understand.”
“I want to go home. But it doesn’t work. I didn’t want to go home because someone had to get hurt… I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back right away, so I did my best to get better. “It’s better that way.”
That’s better.
“Why didn’t you just leave it as is? Wouldn’t that have worked?…”
Why are they saying I shouldn’t go crazy?
‘Actually, this isn’t even crazy.’
It is simply the result of people trying to survive and adapt. It was a wonderful growth, like a child who hated contact with people, but as he got older, he grew up trying out human relationships several times for the sake of social life. Jaeheon Lee was disparaging it as crazy.
However, Lee Jae-heon cut off his words in a dry voice.
“He said he didn’t want to regret it.”
“….”
How can a voice be so tired and dry?
‘ah.’
Only then did Woo Woo-young remember that the object of resentment in front of him was a survivor who had endured longer in this world than anyone else. Hasn’t Lee Jae-heon been through a situation where he went crazy and ended up in a mental hospital at least ten times? Even though he was blunt, the fact that he was able to lead a normal life was a miracle in itself. I muttered softly, feeling dazed after being hit on the head for no reason.
I couldn’t imagine how Jaeheon Lee was feeling when he said these words to me.
“…that’s right.”
“Then just hang in there.”
That was consideration disguised as indifference. It was excellent advice given by someone who was so resigned and convinced that he couldn’t give up on being human. It was his last humanity.
“You suffer enough and you just endure it and be thankful that these people are all crazy and you are sane. “People like Woo Soo-young are fully worth it.”
“….”
If you’re like me, what are you?
“…What about other people?”
“what.”
Even though I understood everything, I could now see that I was consciously being blunt. When I looked into it instead of avoiding it, I could see why Lee Jae-heon had called Woo Woo-young out. He decided that Woo Woo-young needed advice that other people didn’t need, and this was the result.
Woo Woo-young asked after making his decision.
“Are you okay, Manager?”
“I’m always fine.”
“….”
Woo Joo-young just cried for a long time without answering.
“…Why…”
That one word was so sad.
This is because Lee Jae-heon is a person who has forgotten that he is lying.
(Continued in the next part)
