Episode 255
For Ha Seong-yoon, Lee Jae-heon was a type of patient he had never seen before.
It was an instinct for humans to struggle to survive. It is not a matter of individual inclination, but the human structure itself was created that way. If humans did not have such instincts, no one would be able to feel pain or fear.
Lee Jae-heon was a very unfamiliar patient to Ha Seong-yoon, who had only seen such general patients.
“Have you ever had to use your body in a big way? I don’t know why it broke again after it was sutured well…” “
…I encountered a monster when I came down from the office.”
“There was bleeding, but it wasn’t noticeable because my clothes were black. Oh my god, did you go to school in this state? “It’s ridiculous.”
“I never went in.”
“That’s right now, but you weren’t planning on going in.”
Jaeheon Lee acted as if he could not feel pain or fear.
So you really don’t feel pain? no. Does that mean you can’t feel fear? That’s not it either. It was painful and scary, but I just didn’t place any value on it. It gave me the feeling that the area called ‘self-esteem’, which as a human being should be located in a corner, did not exist in the first place.
The bandage, which had been slightly loosened, put pressure on Lee Jae-heon’s abdomen again.
“…Ugh.”
“Does it hurt?”
“No, it’s just…”
“There’s nothing we can do because there is no separate hemostatic agent. Just be patient.”
“I never said I wouldn’t tolerate it…”
“I just feel bad about it.”
Patience is not the answer. Doctors especially hate it when patients hide their pain. It was even more comfortable for the patients who were lying in the lobby and telling the truth that they would rather die in pain.
In other words, feeling pain means that something is wrong with your body, and enduring that pain is like completely ignoring the body’s signals to notify you of something wrong. No matter how much a doctor he was, he couldn’t treat it properly if he didn’t tell him the signs. Ha Seong-yoon thought that if there was a doctor who was comfortable with patients enduring pain, he was not a doctor but something subhuman. For him, Lee Jae-heon is a truly difficult opponent.
“I can’t say more because I have to find a shelter right away, but… okay, let’s take a seat first and treat him properly. “This is a temporary measure.”
“I guess you brought bandages this time too?”
“I even brought bandages, disinfectants, and antibiotics. It was a bit bulky so I couldn’t take anything else with me. It would have been nice to have brought it from the hospital, which had become a secret world, but the distance was too far. “Still, I feel a little reassured that there is a medicine that can kill germs.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“Of course, I am not at all relieved about your condition.”
Ha Seong-yoon sighed and said.
“If it hurts, please tell me it hurts.”
Jaeheon Lee describes pain as abnormality and talks about fear as overload. Although he never explicitly said so, Lee Jae-heon had a strong tendency to regard himself as closer to a machine than a human.
‘Does this make sense?’
Self-esteem. Self-esteem. A mind that respects and values oneself and believes that one can achieve something. A person with properly built self-esteem can create a clear sense of self-identity. Or, to begin with, people with a strong ego have a clear sense of self-esteem.
Ha Seong-yoon got down on one knee, recalling what he had studied while working as a doctor.
“Then raise your pants.”
“It’s not that serious there. “It’s just a little bleeding…”
“I’m sorry, but if it bleeds, it’s serious. Why are you trying to instill strange common sense in me?”
“…It’s not like that in particular…”
Ha Seong-yoon sighed in a voice that seemed strangely dejected, although he pretended not to.
‘It’s okay to be obedient, but it’s not okay to be this intimidated.’
When I was in good condition, I didn’t care what people said and spewed out obnoxious nonsense, but lately I’ve been depressed, probably because my health hasn’t improved. It may not be an appropriate expression to use for a man my age, but I felt like a child who was scolded by his parents.
“….”
Thinking like that, Ha Seong-yoon felt a strange sense of déjà vu.
“…This is enough. “Let’s move.”
“thank you.”
“If you’re grateful, you’ll get hurt less.”
Ha Seong-yoon has been working in the medical field for quite some time and has seen many different types of patients. Among them, there were students who came into the operating room after apparently experiencing severe domestic violence. Each of these patients had different types of defense mechanisms to protect themselves, but they all had one thing in common: they were always shy and had low self-esteem.
‘…Now that I think about it, you didn’t deny that the person who pulled out the fingernails was a criminal you knew.’
The horse’s fingernails were pulled out. This was no different from torture. I checked it earlier when I rolled up the hem of my calves, and there was a faint mark left on Lee Jae-heon’s ankle. There was no way that tying her neck and limbs and pulling out her fingernails was torture. Nevertheless, Lee Jae-heon did not want others to know about this. The person who committed the crime was a criminal he knew.
The questions and suspicions that he had worked so hard to keep buried in a corner of his head slowly ate away at Ha Seong-yoon’s brain.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes, I think we can move now. “Let’s go to the back mountain first.”
“I’ll call them together now.”
He looked at the back of police officer Kim Yeon-woo, who was busy gathering the survivors, and put together the numerous pieces floating around in his mind and came to one conclusion.
“…? “What is it? Why do you look at it like that?”
“The manager’s family was part of a different party group, right?”
“Uh… that’s right.”
“okay.”
People who are not interested in politics and the economy may not know this information, but as you can see if you search a little carefully, it is quite famous that the 3rd generation Idang group recruited the chairman of an illegal loan company that mainly engaged in private lending as its son-in-law. The reason why the youngest girl, who did not receive much support, was promoted to the position of chairman of this party was because it was widely rumored that the son-in-law played a significant role. Although they washed the image by merging it like that, there was no way the essence would go anywhere.
Nevertheless, it was said that there was no particular noise from Lee Jae-hee, who currently leads Lee Dang Group, or Lee Jae-hyung, the director of its affiliates. This meant that they were doing their best to manage the company’s image.
However, Jaeheon Lee was not among the ‘best’.
‘…is it really domestic violence?’
Honestly, it is embarrassing to say that this level of torture is domestic violence, but since it was violence that occurred within the home, it is not wrong at all. If that trace was really left by someone in the family, then since when did Lee Jae-heon start carrying scars like that?
“…teacher.”
“What… what’s going on?”
“I don’t mean to nag you.”
“Oh yes…”
At Ha Seong-yoon’s call, Lee Jae-heon’s steps, who were following the survivor toward the mountain behind, slowed down. Thanks to this, we were quite far away from the other survivors, so it seemed like our story would not be heard. Ha Seong-yoon asked Jae-heon Lee with a much more at ease mind.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”
“You said you wouldn’t nag…”
“I’m not nagging, I’m just asking because I’m really curious. Since I had gloves on my hands, why did I hide it when I knew I would get caught someday? “You don’t know that the longer you hide it, the more nagging you become.”
“…Uh…”
“Same goes for the abdomen and calves. You know that once you enter the secret world, you cannot recover. There will definitely be problems with mobility, so wouldn’t it have been more efficient if you had let us know?”
At Ha Seong-yoon’s question, Lee Jae-heon had a look of embarrassment on his face. Should I say that it is an expression that clearly reveals the inner thoughts of ‘Why are you asking that?’ and ‘Really?’ From the way he kept blinking and playing with the corners of his mouth, I could tell that Lee Jae-heon’s actions so far were truly unconscious.
Jaeheon Lee, who was looking for something to say for a moment, answered.
“…Some things I don’t like to hear nagging about…”
“By the way, it wasn’t nagging. “It was advice from a heartbreaking doctor.”
“And um… it was uncomfortable to be caught.”
“Is it uncomfortable?”
“I am not unaware that injuries like this are not common.”
Lee Jae-heon’s face as he said that showed a mixture of confusion and frustration.
“I admit I did a lot of nonsense at the park last time, but doesn’t that mean you don’t know ‘normal’? Because of my personality and these injuries… it would be strange if I got caught…” “
…it might not be too strange to people who have experienced the other side of the world together, right?”
“…I just didn’t want to be treated like a crazy person.”
“He’s crazy.”
As Ha Seong-yoon looked at him intently, Lee Jae-heon avoided his gaze and said.
“Actually… I don’t know. If I had to give a reason, it would be like that, but honestly, isn’t it true that it looks strange? I didn’t want to foolishly expose my bottom line and end up far from average. I feel like I’ll be seen as a social misfit for no reason…” “
…I roughly understand what you mean.”
Lee Jae-heon seemed to think that the reason he hid his injury was because his reputation among those around him would drop if it was discovered. Ha Seong-yoon sighed inwardly because it seemed like he didn’t consciously think about it and hide it until he asked why.
‘…I think this…is right.’
I thought the problem was only the white police officer who followed Lee Jae-heon around, but it seemed like the family itself was also managing Lee Jae-heon. Since they colluded with a company with a bad image, everyone in the family must have put on a good face. If he deliberately ruined someone in his family, this would explain Lee Jae-heon’s rotten self-esteem.
Meanwhile, what did that snake-like friend do to our poor patient?
“…?”
I saw the whitish police officer grinning at me with his arm around Jaeheon Lee’s shoulder.
Smile?
‘No, was that really a ghost?’
Ha Seong-yoon also doesn’t know exactly what his eyes show, but he mostly saw the past related to someone’s death. It was a necessary vision to achieve Ha Seong-yoon’s goal, but he never imagined that he would also see ghosts. If it moves autonomously like that, it must be a ghost.
Ha Seong-yoon, who suddenly became embarrassed, silently glanced over Lee Jae-heon’s shoulder.
“…? “Why are you doing that?”
“No, I feel like something is stuck…”
“…Oh yeah…”
Lee Jae-heon’s expression also became more subtle, but Ha Seong-yoon still cursed inwardly at the sight of the police officer leaning against Lee Jae-heon’s shoulder. Chewed.
This man is not as good as he is.
‘Would I want to ruin someone and act without conscience like that?’
The curved eyebrows and slitted eyes twirled as if teasing Ha Seong-yoon, and soon the snake-like man disappeared from Ha Seong-yoon’s sight. I couldn’t tell if he had disappeared on purpose or if Ha Seong-yoon’s eyes were tired and he couldn’t see, so he looked at Lee Jae-heon’s shoulder with a bitter gaze.
Jaeheon Lee slightly shrugged his shoulders at Ha Seongyoon’s gaze.
“I said you wouldn’t nag me.”
“…I won’t.”
“Oh yeah… I see.”
“I really won’t.”
“….”
At those words, Lee Jae-heon silently took a few steps away from Ha Seong-yoon, but even that made Ha Seong-yoon feel uncomfortable. If my condition had been good, I would have shouted loudly and put on an unnecessarily confident expression. At first, I felt a little grateful that the group had become quiet, but now I didn’t even feel that way. All I could do was sigh.
But there was no way.
‘If that kind of common sense was instilled in you from home, it would be really difficult to change.’
It’s not for nothing that there’s a saying that three-year-old habits last until eighty.
To that extent, what one learns at a young age has a great influence on the formation of one’s personality, and one unconsciously absorbs what one sees and hears at home. Even when Lee Jae-heon came out into society outside of the house, he didn’t even have a chance to correct his outrageous common sense because he met the same police officer as before. Is there anything we can do to instill twisted common sense in both family and colleagues?
The good news is that Lee Jae-heon himself is trying to pretend to be normal…
“Ah, it’s okay here. “The ground is dry, so there will be no bugs and it will be easy to start a fire.”
“Then, shall we make a simple house like Jaeheon Lee did last time? “I think if we build pillars and put a roof on top, everything will work out.”
“Then you’ll need a lot of wood. “I need to form a gathering team.”
Ha Seong-yoon smiled as a habit as he watched him calmly chatting with police officer Kim Yeon-woo. It wasn’t a smile made because I was happy or funny, but because I felt like I would twist my lips if I didn’t make this kind of expression.
‘What do you do when you try to pretend to be normal?’
If you just make things up without solving the root cause, it will only make you feel worse on the inside. Even acting like that seemed to be something along the lines of, ‘It’s not that I’m strange, it’s just that we are of different races, but you guys will look at me strangely, so I’ll follow suit.’ It was truly something to be amazed by.
“Ha Seong-yoon, would you like to go pick up wood together? “I think I’ll need quite a bit to make pillars and ceilings…”
“Where are you going in that condition?”
“…Um, this much….”
“Please sit down.”
Sacrifice is noble, but it should not be forced, and Lee Jae-heon’s sacrifice was forced, but he did not know it. People are in such a state that they do not endure pain in order to make sacrifices, but endure pain and end up making sacrifices. How could it possibly be this confusing?
Although he did not experience it directly, Ha Seong-yoon smiled as he carefully looked at the memories remaining in his eyes.
“Before you take off Jaeheon Lee’s gloves right in front of everyone else’s noses.”
“…sorry.”
“Haha… I’m going crazy.”
If this was going to be the case, it would have been better to be obnoxious like before.
At least I didn’t sympathize with that person this much back then.
