Episode 116
After reading the novel, Jaeheon Lee predicted that the biggest variable would be his own trauma.
That’s because it was like that in the novel. He acknowledged that the behind-the-scenes world has stimulated the individual’s trauma in the most disillusioning way, and that no matter how much Lee Jae-heon may be, he will not be able to escape from it.
Therefore, Jaeheon Lee examined what he disliked so much that he could not bear it.
“….”
That’s how he is, Lee Jae-heon. He defined his trauma as his previous life itself.
But it was a very comprehensive and abstract concept. What really made him suffer might have been the repeated pain, or the memory of being locked in a building one day and his ankles tied, or it might have been those terrible loves and all the consequences that came from them.
And there was one concept that played a significant role in Lee Jae-heon’s life.
“I shouldn’t die…?”
death.
Something he couldn’t have, but someone took it away from him.
“…what did I do wrong….”
Trash that took away the things I love.
The underworld was the most suitable place for a mentally ill person to live, but it was also dangerous. In the end, at some point, they had to go through the same trauma a thousand times over.
One of Jaeheon Lee’s traumas was death.
“…Jaeheon Lee.”
“it’s okay.”
“….”
“It’s okay.”
There is no way I can endure it.
* * *
Lee Jae-heon lightly swept the area around his eyes near his temples with the base of his thumb. Feeling a pounding headache and unusually heaving intestines, he realized that he was crawling on the floor.
‘…It’s not good.’
At least I could guess which part was so twisted. Didn’t you think carefully before being eaten by the other side of the world? It was clear that Jaeheon Lee was stimulated by the death of this little boy lying in front of him.
To be more specific, it is ‘unexpected death’.
‘I never thought my original obsession with novels would come back like this.’
Rationally, I knew it.
Since Jaeheon Lee saved so many people who should have died, change was bound to happen somehow. Nevertheless, he simply trusted the original novel too much.
Maybe it’s a more complex reason. From the many deaths that had hit my whole body since the last episode, my sanity being eroded, perhaps because of the lucid dream, my body being in a state of shit because I couldn’t even sleep properly, the fact that I was just alive and breathing in this world, etc… the causes were varied.
And I didn’t bother to hide that upset.
“…are you okay.”
There was no way I could hide it.
It suited the intention and reached its limit. This was the reason why he had no choice but to show his fatigue.
“…I may ask you a question again.”
“No problem.”
“You seem tired. I’m sorry.”
Unlike before, Detective Hong Gyeong-jun apologized in a calm voice. Perhaps because he sensed that Lee Jae-heon was more confused than expected, he seemed to have regained his senses. Because all police officers are like that.
‘No one is sane, so I need to come to my senses too…’
In the meantime, this thought occurred to me.
‘Should I be seen as an underdog?’
It’s a very deliberate thought.
Even as I was going crazy, my head instinctively rolled back. Lee Jae-heon tried to distance himself from the group step by step, but he almost failed because what the fuck was the problem? Nevertheless, the deal with the green algae monster that had been fulfilled in the dream was to be completed.
‘That’s because the dream won’t change even after returning.’
I’m sure the regression won’t affect the lucid dream, so it would have been better to end the story in this timeline. In any case, Lee Jae-heon is in a position where he has to commit murder. After returning, the deal with the green algae monster is complete and the blood on his hands is washed away.
In this case, the original plan failed anyway, and the immediate relationship became even stronger. If possible, it would have been better to take measures to ensure that the main character, excluding Lee Jae-heon, could survive for a long time.
“….”
“It looks like you know that child’s name. Can you tell me how you learned it?”
“…I saw you for the first time over the weekend.”
Yes, let’s look like the underdog instead.
“On my way out of the store, I saw a car approaching… so I pulled back.”
That was better for Jeong In-ho.
‘The detective was probably obsessed with protecting the weak.’
Now that I think about it, that probably wasn’t Detective Hong’s original appearance. Perhaps, like President Yoon or Kang Min-ah, they were stimulated by the underworld and became obsessed with something, and that was only directed at the weak.
However, because of that, it was better for Lee Jae-heon to be seen as the underdog. Of course, he was feeling crazy and dirty, but he couldn’t get the survivors to show proper caution. Rather than raising suspicions that his previous appearance was fake due to a sudden change in image, it was enough to make him look weak enough to cover up that.
That way, even after the death of Lee Jae-heon, who became a murderer, the protagonist and his party would not have a conflict with the detective’s team. All responsibility
lies with Lee Jae-heon, who is mentally and physically weak… ‘That trash.’
It was easy to expose the true nature of the bugling.
Lee Jae-heon revised his future plans, remembering the gazes of the student staring at him in a corner and the group of college students looking at him. The words flowed out instinctively.
“That child at that time… it was probably a family member. “The person called me Minhong.”
“…You saved me.”
The detective’s expression wasn’t very revealing, but it was roughly a face that said, ‘If you do that, that’s right.’ For a moment, I felt irritated as to why I, and not someone else, should receive that absurd trust, but I was barely able to suppress it thanks to the fatigue that built up all over my body.
At that point, a skeptical laugh naturally came out.
“well.”
“….”
“I don’t know.”
If he was an unnecessarily nice person, ‘Lee Jae-heon’ would have felt responsible for this child’s death.
“…Why did I save him….”
I would have died more comfortably if I hadn’t saved him then.
In fact, there was a part of it that matched Lee Jae-heon’s actual thoughts to some extent. Isn’t it less painful if you die all at once? I’m not particularly sorry, but from that child’s perspective, Lee Jae-heon’s help turned out to be pain.
Of course, such cynical thoughts were not revealed outwardly. No matter how crazy ‘Lee Jae-heon’ was, he had to be a good person and also have to be in the position of the weak.
“Other than that, I don’t know anything else. “Red away right away.”
“…Why did you run away? Jaeheon Lee was the person who saved that child. There would have been no need for that.”
“…I do not know.”
And Detective Hong Gyeong-jun’s reaction was unexpectedly strong?
‘Who on earth are you comparing me to?’
First of all, I know for sure that he was someone quite close to Detective Hong. The way he pretended not to notice Lee Jae-heon’s avoidance seemed like ‘that person’ had experienced a similar situation somewhere before.
How can I use this?
“…I guess…I just didn’t want to see what happened after that.”
After finishing speaking, Lee Jae-heon glanced around discreetly.
‘Is there only three people on the search team?’
Hong Gyeong-jun, who appears to be the focal point of the team, and one student who introduced himself as Song In-myeong. And Kim Ki-jeong, a musician, seemed to be the entire search team.
And…
“….”
It’s almost time for the main character to arrive.
‘Seeing as how late he is, he must have stopped by the pavilion.’
Well, even though Kang Min-ah is using a bit of strength these days, she is a timid person by nature. They couldn’t have left their group, which consisted mostly of non-combat members, in the middle of the park without Jeong In-ho and Lee Jae-heon. Interns In-ho Jeong or Yeon-seok Noh, who had once stopped by the pavilion, would have guided them towards the pavilion.
And even after calculating all that, it was time for Ha Seong-yoon and the protagonist to come this way.
“…Would it be a problem if I touched the child?”
“….”
“I don’t know. “I only saw the child briefly at that time… so it might not be him.”
“…I think that’s unlikely.”
“hand.”
He continued.
“I think you’ll understand if you hold my hand just once.”
“….”
At Lee Jae-heon’s words, Hong Gyeong-jun quietly tapped his fingers.
You must be worried. If this were reality, this would certainly not be true, but this is a secret world where laws and rules do not exist. Since we are all survivors, we do not have the authority to stop people from touching corpses.
‘Of course, since he is Detective Hong Gyeong-jun, he may try to stick to the law…’
Lee Jae-heon judged that Hong Gyeong-jun would back down as long as he was overlapping with someone.
“…You seem very tired.”
“I guess so.”
“Seeing a dead body in any way is not good for the mind. “Unless it’s a family member or an acquaintance… I think someone’s naked death can take a toll on you mentally.”
“That could be true.”
“….”
Tap.
Hong Gyeong-jun stopped his fingers and then slowly nodded.
“…It may not be the child you saw back then.”
It was clearly a remark made with Lee Jae-heon’s words in mind.
‘Do I think this could be an opportunity to alleviate my guilt?’
Well, that could have been the case. Detectives are stubborn by nature, but they have learned to be flexible over the course of their lives, so they may consider the mental health of the person they are trying to protect in their own way. In the end, he will become obsessed with the law, but it seems he still has the mental power to consider others.
Blinking his eyes slowly, Jaeheon Lee approached the child’s body and carefully knelt down.
“….”
Hands with all sorts of wounds, with cracked nails and falling off.
I picked it up and placed it on the back of my hand.
“…Ha…”
It was so similar to the feeling at the time that it gave me goosebumps.
When I covered its eyes, something very weak and young instinctively clung to me. It was like that small, insignificant feeling that clung to my hands and wrists with both hands while crying. The only thing that changed was my body temperature, which became annoyingly cold.
I felt so wronged by that.
‘Why are you’
here?
“Mr. Lee Jae-heon, it would be best for you to leave now.”
“….”
“…Mr. Lee Jae-heon.”
What on earth did I do wrong to have to see this corpse?
As always, the texture was extremely vivid. Rather than hearing with my ears, rather than seeing with my eyes. With his ears closed and his eyes closed, the feeling of it sticking to his skin tingled his brain.
Death in the other world makes people crazy.
“I…”
“Jaeheon Lee, stop.”
“I saved his life.”
Jaeheon Lee was already crazy.
“Why did you die?”
And it could have been even crazier.
It could have been so.
