No, look, Mr. Yenika (2)
〈Sylvania’s Failed Sword Saint〉 It’s been quite a while since I entered, and I’ve interacted with and built relationships with countless people in this world as well.
In the process, there are people who manage to work things out and become special friends, and there are also many people whose relationships become more complicated through twists and turns.
All human relationships are like that. You can’t get along well with everyone.
I lived a busy life.
Although I’m currently taking a break, I can count on one hand the number of days I’ve had a good night’s sleep while rolling around since I first came to Aken Island.
The reason I lived like that is simple. Because I had to survive.
Real and realistic threats to my life came several times every semester.
Running out of food, suffering from cold or heat, getting sick… Not only was there a threat to survival, but the scenario also involved risking one’s life against the enemy, so every moment was a series of threats.
Reality is different from movies.
As if we were on a school field trip, while we were bickering with the opposite sex, enjoying the tightrope walk of relationships, and holding on to our pounding hearts, time passes and seasons change.
While you exchange silly conversations and create a believable atmosphere, the maintenance of the cabin doesn’t take care of itself, the hunting traps you set out are retrieved on their own, or the game you catch doesn’t rot and waits for you.
I saw lovers exchanging words of love even in a battlefield where bullets were flying.
Only in the movies can it become a beautiful love story between two lovers who resist a harsh fate.
However, the meaning of love in a real battlefield is nothing more or less than a weakness.
Real-life tragedies always happen suddenly without foreshadowing.
One day, when you suddenly look at your lover’s face on a stretcher, and see the beauty pierced by a bullet and the ugly bulging shape of the pupil… the feeling of love that was so heartbreaking turns into a curse and eats away at your body and mind. .
Although he acts as if he is the star of the whole world, the spotlight never shines on him.
Even the lover’s death is merely used as a passing background scene, just like the deaths of other soldiers.
Anyone who sees such a scene countless times will naturally come to realize it.
A situation where a blade is held right under the neck. If the time comes when you have to struggle in the face of death, you can only survive if you focus all your mind on survival.
How many times did I almost die during this trip to the Ross Taylor mansion?
The reason I was able to survive despite the numerous threats of death was because I focused solely on survival itself.
Because of my desire to survive, my comrades always called me ‘cockroach’.
Even if you throw him naked in the middle of the desert, he will somehow survive and die after being expelled.
I always self-suggestion.
Let’s prioritize tasks and do the necessary tasks first. I am a mechanical device that must be rational and reasonable anytime and anywhere.
Whether it is a battlefield where countless people die or an academy full of love and romance.
If there was a knife under my neck right now, the first thing I had to worry about was survival itself.
I lived with that thought in mind until I escaped from the battlefield and felt a little relieved, and I rarely felt shaken.
Cold reason always clearly judged the importance and priorities of matters.
― ‘A person whose heart is frozen.’
It wasn’t until then that an old story buried deep in my memory came to mind.
― ‘The harsh reality made you like that, but it’s not just cold snow and rain in the world. Surprisingly, there are many clear and sunny days as well as warm and cozy days.’
― ‘It’s human psychology that if you get used to looking up at the sky while wet with snow and rain, you can’t help but think that it’s going to rain tomorrow too.’
― ‘I hope that one day you will meet someone who can melt the thin ice in your heart like snow.’
Is it a memory from the battlefield or a memory after retirement? I didn’t remember it well, but… it was a strangely vague voice.
– ‘Until then, even if it’s cold, just fasten your collar and endure it well. ‘You can do it because you are strong.’
* * *
“Ed is always full of worries, but something feels different this time.”
Beyond the bonfire, Yenica Palover spoke with a heavy and serious expression.
Unfortunately, the reason I am so embarrassed is not that serious and serious. It’s simply because he’s wondering how to react to Merilda’s whims.
If he goes along with the whims of Merilda, who insists on kissing Jenica, he may be able to do so.
The time of being ashamed of kissing someone and making them hate themselves is long gone. If I wanted to, I could grab Jenica’s lower jaw right now and press my lips into it.
However, shouldn’t we also consider Yenika’s position as the victim?
If you kiss me right away, you’ll be confused as to what’s going on.
I don’t think I would ever feel happy if I found out that Merilda’s shallow whim had pushed me back and captured my lips.
The act of casually kissing a person in order to obtain information about the remains of the highest-ranking spirit known to Merilda… is, in some ways, an irresponsible act.
People who have never met me might not know, but Yenica Palover is the companion I have lived with for the longest time since coming to this world. I don’t want to treat you carelessly.
In that case, wouldn’t it be enough to just kiss each other person to person? Whatever Merilda’s whims are, let’s leave that aside.
Well, that’s fine. If you think about it again, that’s not true.
No matter what I thought, it was obvious that Jenica, who found out the truth, would think that I had kissed Merilda on a whim.
Then there is only one last remaining possibility.
I tell all of this to Jenica and ask her if she can kiss me as a favor.
…I’m not an expert on relationships, but I do know that the last move is the worst.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, Yenika. I think this is something I need to think about slowly and alone.”
After saying that, I tried to gloss over the conversation with Yenika.
However, it seems that it conveyed a different meaning to Jenica, as she suddenly puffed out her cheeks and opened her eyes sullenly.
“…really?”
Am I grumpy?
I thought we were in a relationship where we could share everything, even the deepest parts of our lives, but I guess the fact that there was a crucial part of us that we were hiding didn’t seem to be accepted very happily… Yenika started to grumble.
“Ugh!”
For a while, Yenica stamped her feet and made strange noises.
From my point of view, I have nothing to say. I can’t help but look at Yenika as if I’m embarrassed.
“…Ed, can I ask you a weird question this time?”
“…Do whatever you want.”
“Right now, I’m wondering whether it would be better to question Ed further and somehow get him to share his concerns, or whether it would be better to pretend that it is so and not see it.”
“…You’re consulting with me about that?”
Yenika grumbled but sighed deeply.
Then he looked up at the sky as if he was choosing something to say and fell into deep thought.
The sun is already setting. Actually, from my perspective, it feels like evening has finally arrived.
After entering the rest period, the days became noticeably longer. It feels like a luxury to waste every single day that I had saved by dividing it into several parts and somehow wasting it like this.
“I’m afraid Ed will be bothered.”
Suddenly, I wondered if I had succeeded in condensing the words I had chosen into one sentence… Yenika spoke again.
“what?”
“I hope I’m not a burden to Ed.”
Well, I don’t understand what kind of thinking they used to come to that conclusion.
In fact, the person named Yenica Palover was always helpful to me and almost never did me any harm.
It’s not Yenika’s job to worry about being annoying or a burden… Isn’t that something that the people around Yenika should be worried about?
When such concerns came out from an unexpected person, I looked at Yenika with a puzzled look.
“Your feelings seem complicated… Ed.”
“No matter what I say, you will probably take it as polite consolation. I was wondering how I should say it so that it wouldn’t be thought of that way.”
“Is that so…?”
“Well, I guess I have no choice but to tell you straight away. How you take it is up to you.”
After saying that, I also spoke casually while looking at the sky where the sun was setting.
“You have never been a burden to me, Yenika.”
Don’t overdo it, but don’t be too bland either.
Telling the truth as it is is the right answer to most problems in the world.
“That’s just the way it is.”
When Yenika heard those words, she stared blankly at the fire for a moment and then smiled softly.
Is it a feeling of satisfaction that has bloomed? Or is it a feeling of relief?
Actually, I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint just one thing. The human heart is like a flickering bonfire, shaking here and there.
Emotions are so complex that it would be impossible to say for sure what the psychology behind Jenica’s warm smile is.
But the good news is that he doesn’t look worried.
“I see…”
At the next words, I realized that I had dug my own grave.
“Then I want to interrogate Ed!”
“…what?”
“What are you worried about? What is it? Tell me quickly!”
Did I choose the wrong option?
Yenika was talking with a bright red face and waving her arms.
“Ed’s concerns are also my concerns, so tell me quickly!”
Then, Yenika put down her walking stick and her luggage, took a simple wooden chair from the corner of the camp, and sat down in front of me, facing me.
Jenika was sitting close to the fire, so it must have been quite hot behind her, but regardless, she sat with her eyes locked with me.
“….”
“I won’t move until you tell me.”
“And then I got a heat rash on my back. Isn’t it frustrating….”
“It’s even more frustrating watching Ed worry about it alone!”
When they got to this point, Yenika must have gritted her teeth and became even more stubborn, stomping on the floor.
When it gets to this point, I can’t say anything or just gloss over it. The story should never have been brought up in the first place.
After thinking about it for a while, I decided to open my mouth.
“Well, no matter what your problem is, if you think about it together, you’ll be able to find a solution right away! Ed, don’t whine too much to yourself and tell it to me…”
“Can you kiss me once?”
Yenica could not finish speaking and froze in that position.
* * *
“Merilda too… Why are you telling such a useless story…”
Was the person’s skin color red, not flesh-colored?
Yenika, who had been stubbornly sticking right in front of me with her back to the bonfire just a moment ago, widened the distance as if she had never done that before, and went to a flat rock in the distance, turned and sat down. Her face turned red, and her skin tone changed to look the same. It’s just repeating words.
“It’s definitely worth Ed’s worries… Since the person involved is in front of him… No, but then wait, how far did Merilda go…? Huh…?”
I couldn’t help but interrupt as he was rambling so hard that I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me or to himself.
However, I conveyed the points I was concerned about without adding or subtracting.
Just like this, I told Merilda, etc. Even if he were pushed to kiss Yenika, it would only be a deception toward Yenika. He
is not a person so bad that he plays with people’s hearts because he wants something in return.
However, there is something that needs to be made clear here.
“It feels like excessive self-consciousness, but still. If you want to hold on and talk about it…”
As I slowly opened my mouth, Yenika glanced in my direction. The somewhat polite sitting posture was as if she were in an important position.
“Um… You to me. .. I know roughly what you’re feeling… In fact, it doesn’t make sense to not know.”
“Stop! Stop now!”
Yenika covered her mouth with a trembling hand and quickly averted her gaze.
It was pitiful to see her trembling and stomping on the bare dirt as if she were an herbivore in front of a predator.
“Ed . I can’t breathe…”
“…”
“Yeah… well…! That’s it! huh! That’s me… um… could I really be this good to Ed without any feelings at all?! Actually, it’s a given! This isn’t the kind of story you should share in an awkward manner, right? Oh, we’re all grown up too! Why are you acting so awkward? evil! “Ahh!”
As she says that, the sight of Yenika looking more nervous than anyone else in the world is full of eyes. It must be
this aspect of Yenika that makes us nod in response to the evaluation that she is a girl who looks like she came out of a fairy tale.
However , If Jenica Palover is a girl like the main character in a fairy tale, I am a cockroach struggling in the gutter of reality.
When I reflect on the gap, there is something I can see.
“I am sorry. Because I’m this kind of person.”
“Uh, huh…?”
“I lived for a long time in an environment where I had to put everything else on the back burner because
I was so busy trying to survive.” On the other hand, it’s the weight of the tragedies I’ve seen.
Love . Everyone who saw the sight of a person being carried out on a stretcher with a bullet hit them all broke down.
The reason they were repulsed by that sight was not because it was pathetic to see them flirting when their lives were at risk.
When would they die? This is because for a person who does not know how to carelessly engage in affection with another person, it creates a burden in itself.
In a situation where I cannot even take responsibility for my own life, am I not thinking at all about the position of the other person who will face my death?
The pain of broken heart is temporary. However, it will be healed someday. However, the pain of loss is much more likely to last a lifetime. It is more
difficult to overcome and stand up, and usually one falls down without being able to overcome it.
If I had known that fact, I should have acted more carefully.
It is absurd. I shouldn’t have interacted with others carelessly.
I’ve gone through many trials.
The scenarios were a lot twisted and the plot twisted a lot… But anyway, I managed to survive and come this far. The
struggle for the imperial throne, the family civil war, and the battle to subjugate Bellbroke. These are the remaining trials. I’ve been running for so long that I can barely handle it with one hand, but as is the case with trials, what remains is more difficult than what I went through.
If I finish all the trials and really get this Sylvania diploma in my hand, If I can take it.
If I can go out to Aken Island and live my life fully with the various abilities I have accumulated, my many histories, and my connections…
I will take care of all the disasters set out in the scenario of
If that happens, will I be able to escape from the fear of death… and be able to envision a bigger future?
The worry about ‘how will I survive?’ Will there come a day when we can break away from this and move on to worrying about ‘how will I live?’
“Because I lived like that, I became this kind of person. I’m not a person that’s particularly likable.”
There was the sound of burning twigs in the campfire.
Before I knew it, the sun was setting and night was creeping in.
As always, the night in the northern forest is truly peaceful when viewed from afar.
This camp, which was naturally embedded in the middle of the forest, seemed to have suddenly become part of the forest.
“Don’t say that, Ed.”
When I suddenly looked at Yenika, her expression had become much calmer. On the one hand, it seemed sad.
The redness has gone down a lot and I feel like I have regained my composure.
“Ed isn’t as cold-blooded as you think.”
“Thank you for even saying that.”
“It’s not just words. Ed said that earlier. I’m worried that no matter what I say, he’ll take it as polite consolation. That’s exactly how I feel right now.”
Yenika turned around again and looked straight at me.
“The reason Ed was so worried and embarrassed was because he was trying to be considerate of me. If I had kissed Merilda on a whim like Ed said, I would have felt very strange. I would have been happy right now, but…”
“….”
“What I said was a bit nonsense… Ha, anyway… Ed was right what he was thinking. It’s definitely… Merilda! You did such a useless thing! It’s okay… Don’t worry about this. Make them do it!”
Once again, Yenika’s lips trembled and she began to breathe quickly.
“Anyway… please pretend that what I just said never happened, Jenica. As I said, kissing you like this wouldn’t be polite to you, and there’s no need to play to Merilda’s whims.”
“Eh Ed… But the spirit remains that Merilda mentioned… are you really needed?”
The remains of the highest ranking spirit.
It is a mysterious artifact that will dramatically increase the abilities related to elemental arts, whose growth is slowly slowing down… but there are many ways to find out by messing around with Merilda.
There is no reason to stick to this method.
“I’ll take care of it, so you just… pretend you didn’t hear it. Actually, you’re okay, but I’m not okay with it before. I don’t really want to use you as a means of use.”
“Eh, Ed. I’m glad you said that, but… I actually came up with an innovative method.”
“…what?”
Yenika took a deep breath and continued speaking in a hesitant tone, as if she was reading awkward lines.
“In short, Ed thought that way because he was considerate of me, right? Even if I told him it was okay, he didn’t want to do something unpleasant like he was taking advantage of me…?”
After saying that, Yenika hurried down from the rock and approached me to talk.
“Actually, the solution is easier than you think.”
“I’m anxious…”
“You just have to change the subject of the action…”
“What?”
“I do it, not Ed.”
It happened before I could even answer what that meant.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and my breathing stopped for a moment.
If we talk about Yenika, she has a timid temperament and often hesitates in everything.
However, there were many times when a bold decision was shown when the situation reached the extreme or a quick decision was needed.
I didn’t know that such a temperament would work to this extent.
For a while, only the sound of insects crying spread through the forest. Other than that there is only silence.
There were only two mouths to communicate, but both were blocked.
“Huh…”
Yenika took a quick step back after finishing her work, covered her mouth, and took a deep breath on her own.
He widened his eyes, glanced at me a few times, and then bent his shoulders tightly on his own as if he had done a good job.
“…Uh… Yenny….”
“Ugh! I’m tired! I came by boat from my hometown and I’m so tired! I feel like I’m going to fall asleep! See you tomorrow!”
Before I could say anything, Yenika ran into her hut making a fuss.
This was because my breathing became heavier just by making eye contact.
Finally, the cabin door closed with a bang.
“No…”
Left alone in front of the campfire, I looked at the poker on the floor.
“…Look….”
Shouldn’t I be given some time to talk about my position as well?
From my perspective, it was like a lightning strike… so it was difficult to understand the situation right away.
Anyway… there is a strange feeling of awkwardness in the air.
The problem is that Yenica and I are cohabitants who live next door.
It was nice to see Yenika raising her shoulders and making a fuss just by making eye contact. I have to keep seeing him face to face starting tomorrow… but it was a huge accident.
I would have taken appropriate action if he had put an iron plate on his face and asked if it was okay.
If you run away like this… what will I do…
I was worried starting tomorrow morning, so I wiped my face several times.
