Chapter 41. Whose son am I?(3)
Contradiction.
Different perspectives on a situation.
Sispanian, who wanted to understand everything, completely understood Calian’s pain, but said that he, who was sad about not being forgotten, thought it was a little unfair because it was difficult for him to understand that he was sad about being forgotten.
contradiction. Something that even Cispanians could not fully understand. But Kalian understands.
“Are you okay?”
Does Jan know what my younger brother came to check on me?
To break up the conversation between the Prince and the Duke, the Duke’s eldest son came and dragged his younger brother away, so what more could they have said? What kind of expression was he making?
Why do you still not know about me?
“no.”
Instead of continuing his complicated thoughts, Calian answered with a small smile.
“I’m not okay.”
After Demirea returned, Jan visited Calian and looked at his complexion, and his face turned as white as warm milk.
Kalian’s laughter got a little louder because it was funny that he didn’t believe me when I said it was okay, but immediately believed me when he said it was not okay.
“What did Leah say? Was she being rude?”
“That’s not it. Don’t worry.”
Calian, who dismissed this, stared at Yan blankly for a moment.
It became Shiroian again.
However, this time, unlike before, I needed ‘someone who could scold Siegfried’s little duke’, so I became Siroian.
“Then why did you say that
earlier…” Calian, who was almost asking why he became Shiroian earlier, closed his mouth.
Is it true that I became a Shiroian to cut off the conversation between Demirea and I? Or did he come to stop the conversation since he had become a Shiroian? Putting aside the question that came up again, I just shook my head slightly and said something else.
“The reason she’s not okay is because of something else, so don’t blame Demirea.”
“That’s good. But why aren’t you okay?”
Since he is still Shiroian, he is a little different from Yan who does not ask first what Calian does not say.
Calian felt it, but responded without showing any special sign.
“It’s because I’m tired for no reason. I guess it’s because I can’t sleep.”
“Look at that. I told you to rest. I’ll clear your schedule for the afternoon, so when you go in, don’t do anything and rest.”
Jan again.
Not suspecting anything. yarn.
Kalian, who had not asked about Yan’s work, suddenly said something when he saw Yan, who had no doubts about his work.
“No matter how much I think about it, I think you’re really funny.”
“Me? Am I having fun?”
“Yeah. It’s fun.”
“thank god.”
Without even wondering what was so funny, my favorite Jan’s eyes sparkled.
“I don’t think there’s anyone who likes it as much as you because they say it’s fun.”
“Prince, you’re having a hard time, but it’s good if you think it’s fun. Do you need a reason?”
I thought I knew why Sleiman named the dog in Siegfried Territory Jan. Even though I think it was too much to give a dog a nickname after a child, it is strangely understandable when I think of Hatsuara, who named her son, who had many days left to live in the newly built palace, without any hesitation.
It is said that Hatsuara and Cythros, the first Duke Siegfried, were close friends. It’s been said since ancient times that friends resemble each other.
‘If I go to Camilon, should I name my dog Slayman?’
Calian, who was thinking of clicking his tongue and saying that Sispanian was talking irrationally when he heard that he would repay Jan for what he did, let out a laugh like ice in mint tea.
“Okay, I’m going to rest today. I have too many thoughts. Just heat me a glass of milk.”
Calian looked happy after saying something he could have never said.
“Would you like some honey?”
“No. No sweets, just milk.”
“Yes. I will bring it to you right away. And while we were talking, the knight Sir Verne came by. I told him to wait in the prince’s room, and I will tell him to come back later.”
“Is Kirie here at this time?”
Isn’t it Kirie who rarely comes to visit at a time like this? Therefore, Calian shook his head and said.
“I’ll go first and talk to you, so come slowly.”
“All right.”
Knowing that the conversation with Kyrie would not be another source of fatigue for Calian, Jan answered calmly and then parted ways with Calian.
It seems like there were too many thoughts swirling around in my head in a short period of time. Calian touched his forehead for a moment, feeling as if he was running a fever, and then went into his room.
Kirie, a tall girl with light brown hair standing in front of the sofa, bowed and immediately spoke to me.
“Why did you say thank you to the Little Duke without saying anything else?”
“You should tell me first what brought you here, Kirie.”
Trying not to hurt Kirie’s neck during sparring was different from turning a blind eye to rudeness. Therefore, Calian scolded Kyrie in a soft voice.
Kyrie bowed her head and expressed her apology in response to Calian’s criticism that he did not overlook anything.
“I’m sorry. I came to say thank you for this.”
Kirie said this and took out the bracelet on her wrist. Calian, who did not recognize this as it was something he personally asked Alan to do, welcomed it and asked.
“I heard you like the gift?”
“Yes. I like it. I told Hina to come see her after work and say hello to the prince in person. Rather…” It was an
unfamiliar method, but when Kirie learned that Hina was able to speak, he sent Hina away and her eyes narrowed. After wiping it down, I went to Calian to say thank you.
And I heard.
“Why don’t you explain it to the Duke?”
So I asked.
Rather than explaining, why did I just listen to Demirea’s urgings?
“what?”
Looking at Calian, who seemed to be asking because he really didn’t know, Kyrie opened her mouth again.
“Why the prince is in this situation. If I had explained it to him, the Duke would have understood. If I were to tell the prince that I was going to bury it like that…” “Why do
I need to understand?”
Kirie looked speechless. Calian smiled and opened his mouth again.
“I don’t remember doing anything wrong to Dmirea that needs to be explained and understood, Kirie.”
Jan was like that.
Please refrain from saying sorry.
I replied that I didn’t like it, but I didn’t even reply because I thought I would keep saying I’m sorry unnecessarily.
“Dmirea said that because Jan was more important. I heard that because I was more important.”
Looking at Kyrie who seemed to not understand what he was saying, Calian continued as if explaining.
“Dmirea is a person who values Jan more than the reasons I have, and I am a person whose reasons are more important to me. Whatever the reason, I was the one who took control of the body of the person who was everything to Jan, and I was the one who hid that fact. Jan “Without knowing that fact and having no chance to properly overcome it, I do as I please. Blindfolded by saying that you can only see what you want to see about me.”
“But isn’t that a choice you made for Confucius?”
“As you know, Jan is the person I need. If you put it in a good light, you can say it’s for Jan’s sake, but in the end, it’s for my own sake. Demirea knew that, so she just reminded me to feel indebted to Jan, not to Demirea herself. “It’s different, but I don’t know why Demirea needs to know and understand me properly.”
“Don’t you remember being threatened?”
“Ah… I see. So, how thoughtful is my fiancé?”
Calian, who said that with sincerity, not sarcasm, went to sit on the sofa and continued.
“If I were Demirea, instead of coming to ask and warn him, I would have taken Jan back to Siegfried’s territory and come back to kill the strange bastard who tricked me into being my flesh and blood. “I don’t know if it’s true or not, but why bother listening to an explanation? I’ll just kill you.”
“It’s contradictory.”
He had a very broad understanding of what had happened to him, but he didn’t need Demirea’s understanding. Isn’t it a contradiction?
Confusion appeared on Kyrie’s face. Like a Sispanian who did not understand the contradiction.
“… It sounds like you’re saying it’s unfair because you don’t recognize me. Don’t do the same to yourself.”
Calian laughed. Just like when I had that Sispanian in front of me.
“If I don’t understand everything and only the unfairness increases here and there, what will happen to my life? Even if I embrace everything and complain, I prefer breathing and living. They say I can protect what I lost. Like Hina.”
Kalian, who said that, looked at Kyrie’s bracelet and made a soft face. Contains my younger brother’s voice. Kirie must have liked it a lot. Of course, Kalian too.
“So, I’m only going to feel a little bit unfair towards Serenti. So, even if you treat me like a crazy person who lives in a bit of pain, don’t make me into a pitiful person who feels unfair about even things that aren’t unfair to me. Kirie.”
Instead of saying sorry for saying something hasty, Kirie nodded with a small smile. He knew now that he wouldn’t want him to feel sorry for what he thought.
Calian laughed. Like a person who has washed away a big worry.
“The secret won’t be revealed anymore. I think it’s a bit late because everyone who knows already knows, but once I get burned, I come to my senses.”
He said it with determination, as if he was fortunate.
“I guess I was wronged too much. I.”
Serenti.
My entire life was stolen from you.
A second life will never be taken away from you.
I still have a lot to protect, so I will protect them all.
Yan, Hina, Kirie, Randel’s heart, even Pea, who only got annoyed when I told him to buy it, and Chase, who was just thankful and sorry. Old Calian’s body and Bern’s soul.
And so many promises.
So do I.
“I have to live with a little resentment. That way, I will have the strength to vent my anger when I meet Serenti later.”
Calian got up and headed toward the bedroom. Then he got into the bed and looked at Kirie and said.
“If you don’t have anything to do, just watch for a while. Make sure no one wakes you up. I’m going to sleep well.”
In particular, I don’t want the boiled peas, which are now a bit greener, to come round and disturb my long-awaited sleep.
That was exactly what he meant, so Kirie answered with a very knowing expression.
“all right.”
Kalian nodded his head gratefully and drank the warm milk brought to him by the precious baby elephant who soon returned.
“Sleep well. Don’t worry about anything else.”
“Ok, thanks.”
It was warm and soft and made me sleepy.
Calian laughed brightly.
* * *
It wasn’t that grand.
They did not set up a correction board in the square, nor did they send the capital’s security forces and royal troops outside to monitor it. There was no podium installed in the square.
Just like when Freya was brought into the palace, the ceremony was also simplified and held within the palace.
– It hasn’t even been a year since Silike’s job. There is no benefit in making a fuss about it.
It was because of Kalian’s opinion.
In fact, it was said in the hope that the memorial service could be held as soon as possible. The more things to prepare, the farther apart the date for the ceremony will be.
Instead of listening to that, Lemain did not restrict the nobles’ position in any way. And the place where the ceremony was held was decided to be Siegfried Pavilion.
“Official events other than banquets are held at the Seigne Hall, but this time it is unusual to hold it at the Siegfried Hall.”
“Your Highness must be thinking a lot these days.”
Is there any better place to remind us of the relationship between Siegfried and Calian?
That’s why Calian, who had barely succeeded in saying “Your Majesty has been thinking about it these days” and wrapping it in very nice words, looked at the mirror.
‘… Kalian.’
Maybe it’s because it’s ahead of Freya’s memorial service.
On the day I had my first dream, I thought of the child I could barely meet after I was in the dream.
Thanks to eating well and growing up, Kalian looked at his face, which was now much different from the day he saw it in his dream. After looking at him for a while, he quietly opened his mouth.
“I used to hate mirrors.”
Yan suddenly responded in surprise at the words that came out like this.
“For some reason, you’re talking about what happened back then.”
“That’s right. I do it sometimes these days. Now that I think about it, I told my teacher about the old days. Maybe I’ve grown up instead of my older brother.”
Calian smiled slightly and continued.
“I don’t remember now, so I don’t know if I hated it because I hated the resemblance to my mother, or if I hated it for a reason.”
Yan looked somber for a moment at those words.
Jan also saw Freya’s portrait. Although they could not enter the Hall of Remembrance, the portraits copied at Arpia Palace could be seen by anyone who visited the palace. Therefore, Jan also knew very well how much Calian resembled Freya.
– Don’t worry about anything about me. I understand everything.
“… Whatever it was. There’s nothing to worry about now.”
Calian muttered quietly as if he was talking to himself, then looked at himself in the mirror and spoke once more.
‘congratulations. It’s late, but now I’m free from the shackles of blood. And…’
I had no doubt that the child would like it too. Merlin’s voice called out to Calian, who was reminded of the old Calian.
“I’m ready, prince. You look good today as well.”
Clothes and accessories made by Shatin, the costume manager, with all his might after receiving Kalian’s order. Merlin seemed quite satisfied to finally see what she had longed for.
Jan did a final check while I looked in the mirror one more time.
By now, Randel would have entered Siegfried’s coffin after his meaningless meeting with Gray Briesen. The same goes for all other nobles. Evan Briesen, who did not want to incur losses by entering late like last time, must have rushed inside.
“Now, should I go too?”
As always, a jacket that fits the body perfectly. However, the formal dress, which had unfamiliar decorations instead of the usual embroidery and buttons, was more awkward than the apricot-colored jacket and white pants.
And I liked it that much.
“To turn everything over.”
My situation and Evan’s speed.
Calian, who spoke with a grin, looked at the mirror once more.
Then, facing the red eyes that met his eyes, he repeated what he had not finished saying a moment ago.
‘thank you.’
Calian shifted his gaze.
‘For understanding.’
Feet that had not yet grown fully moved.
A long, bright red cloak filled with red jewel powder and constantly sparkling followed, fluttering behind him.
