Chapter 35. Ghost (3)
Father.
I hadn’t really thought about it.
On the days when I had to think about it, I thought of it as a callus. I thought it was a wound that became stronger after suffering it.
Although I lost a lot because of that, I also gained a lot thanks to it, so I thought that living like this with what I had gained was enough. I decided to live thinking that way and lived thinking that way. I didn’t want to think about anything else, I didn’t try, I couldn’t.
I knew that somewhere on this earth that snake-like bastard was alive and breathing again, but I tried not to care.
‘Congratulations in advance on the coronation ceremony.’
He will die soon anyway.
Whether or not he called Tensil’s healer, his condition would get worse even if he didn’t intervene. Because it was like that in the ‘past’.
but.
Did I really not know?
Did I not want to know?
– Because it wasn’t like that in the past anyway.
Arianne said only that.
Indeed, unfortunately, Calian understood what he was saying. I understood right away, without having to ask any more questions or even think about it.
A drop of water tumbled down into the teacup.
I looked at it blankly.
“……Eup!”
I felt nauseous.
I didn’t know if what I needed to spit out was anger, curses, memories, regrets, self-blame, or regrets. In fact, I couldn’t distinguish between all of them, but I couldn’t help but feel nauseous.
Just like Chase, who protected Bern by pretending not to see Bern’s shadow, he probably respected Chase by not trying to notice Chase’s darkness. Otherwise, how could I have understood those words right away?
So, did Bern really not know?
Or maybe I just didn’t want to know.
– The crown prince never tried to talk, and I had no intention of getting involved, but the situation got a little strange, so I felt like I had to talk. I’m sorry for setting my own standards.
Arianne said these words after a long time, as if she had expected that this was not a story to be accepted casually. I don’t know what happened, but Ariane told Calian what she had been trying to keep secret.
– Has something else happened to Prince Chase?
After hearing those words, Calian barely managed to maintain his composure and asked:
If something bad had happened to Chase, Tailan wouldn’t have stayed at Arianne’s house, but he couldn’t help feeling anxious.
– no. Nothing much has happened yet. It’s my office and I’m just sleeping. I put you to sleep because I wanted to talk to you.
When Kalian heard this, he covered his face with his hands.
Even as my mind felt like it was spinning, I couldn’t help but laugh. A muttering to myself that could not be conveyed beyond the ring flowed out.
“Oh, I put you to sleep again…”
Calian didn’t sleep when he had something to think about, and Chase couldn’t sleep when he had something to think about. Thanks to this, Chase lived with insomnia as a habit. Arianne, who couldn’t bear to see that, worked hard to put Chase to sleep.
The problem is that ‘Sleep’ was not among the magic Arianne could use.
– Don’t do this too often. It’s not good if you become addicted to sleeping pills.
– ah. Have I done that before? Don’t worry. Because I will live a long and healthy life with the crown prince.
Same answer as that one time.
Suddenly, I remembered the day I came to this room on Kirie’s back. There were many days when Kirie and I drank together, so there were days when Kirie talked about how she carried Verne down from the steeple every time.
The day I fell asleep, forgetting the boundary between reality and the past.
Feeling just like that day, Kalian set his eyes on the ice-cold mint tea that Jan had worked so hard to make. In order not to pay attention to anything else, I only focused on the mint leaves swaying on top of the car.
I tried not to confuse the past with the present.
It’s really unfortunate.
– Anyway, I have to finish the story before the Crown Prince wakes up, so I’ll say it again. You asked me earlier why I was willing to risk a civil war, but you misunderstood.
As if to look into Calian’s thoughts, Arianne brought up the story they had originally shared.
– The reason you sent me Teilan was just to protect my mother and our family, not to cross swords with you. Since I am fully capable of protecting myself and I am not, I just accepted Teylan’s protection and there is no other meaning to it. We’re not even gathering soldiers. Above all, I plan to make just one person give up. Without shedding any more blood.
For Devlan to give up his life.
This means that we will do just that without anyone else having to die.
– I don’t know if your ‘past’ highness was more or less than you are now, but your current highness is a complete bastard. To be honest, if the Crown Prince pushes out His Highness, the nobles will be happy and there will be no opposition. There are quite a few nobles who want that.
It was said that Chase and Arianne were not planning to start a civil war, and it was also said that the nobles would not start a civil war if Chase inherited the crown.
– Please continue explaining. Because I’m listening.
– Your Majesty doesn’t know that we know that you are sick. He doesn’t know that we know that he is the one who summoned Tensil’s healer. I just said that the gunman who attacked me this time and ran away had the Tensil healer’s necklace, and my mother got angry at those words and just became more and more resistant to the Tensil people’s entry into Secretia. I have never had a direct confrontation with Your Majesty. So, Your Highness will not be able to send troops carelessly.
Kalian laughed.
This means that a plausible justification has been created.
Even if it is an extremely personal reason, Marquis Lin has a good reason to change his attitude toward Tensil. I heard that my daughter was almost in danger, but I couldn’t doubt her true intentions just because her mother, who had the power to prevent the same thing from happening, reacted a bit excessively.
– I will not use the crown prince’s sword. You seem to think it doesn’t matter, but I do care. Anyway, you are not here now, and doing the same thing as before means that you will end up taking the crown without a proper justification to make him understand.
In the past, he would have killed the healer summoned by Devlan to get revenge on Bern or to protect Bern, but this time there is no such reason.
If Chase becomes deeply involved in Devlan’s death even though there is no Vern to take him out of Devlan’s thorn-filled arms, he will simply become a son who interfered with his father’s treatment in order to steal the crown.
– No matter how dissatisfied the nobles are with Your Majesty, no matter how wrong Your Majesty’s methods are, intervening in His Majesty’s death and taking his place is unconditional usurpation for you. But the Crown Prince I know is not a person who can think lightly of that. At least when you were around, I would have excused myself because of you, but not now.
To drive Devlan to death to avenge Vern, who is not in this world, or to put Devlan to death for Calian, who has nothing to do with the current Calian. There was no rational justification for them that Chase could convince himself of and forgive.
Even Bern, who hated Devlan so much, called him father. Even so, didn’t he choose the path of not reaching out to his father? It won’t be any different for Chase.
After all, Chase is Devlan’s son.
So, what Arianne meant was that if Chase were to do something like the past again, he would have to live the rest of his life with the guilt of being the son who harmed his father without justification.
– I don’t want to let my person bleed and be weighed down by that for the rest of his life without even being able to find a reason to make him understand. I don’t want to see that person’s wisdom clouded by guilt. But the crown prince said he would go out of his way to do that. They say that nothing should get in your way. I don’t want to stop it because I understand that degradation, but I don’t see it ruining it either.
It sounds right.
It is true that it is not normal for Chase to rebel against Devlan because of Bern. Letting Devlan die because of Kalian is something that no one can understand.
And Arianne was saying that she didn’t want Chase to live with guilt. Chase is definitely a different person now than he was back then. You shouldn’t use an excuse for something that didn’t happen.
– So this time I’ll do it. Because what Your Highness has done so far is justification enough for me. But I knew I couldn’t do it entirely on my own. So I contacted them to ask for help. Honestly, I know how selfish I am right now and I’m so sorry that I don’t know what words to apologize to you, but I can’t help it. Because my fiancé is more important to me than you.
And Arianne added:
He said he didn’t want Chase to live with guilt, and that he had a good reason to punish Devlan, so he would take action on Chase’s behalf. So help me.
-There is no need to be sorry. Because it’s not selfish.
Calian said, smiling a little bitterly.
How could he call Ariane selfish?
– Tell me. What are you asking for help with?
– Tensil’s healer cannot come here. As I said, I will never let you come. And your highness can’t fight the nobles head on right now. I was too sick for that. So, instead of ignoring the justification made by your mother and forcing a healer in, you might try to call another healer who cannot use that justification.
Arianne, who said this, paused for a moment.
The words continued as another drop of water flowed down the cup.
– I’ll definitely reach out. This is because he is a person who thinks his own life is more important than anything else in the world, while extinguishing other people’s lives like blowing out a candle. Whoever it is, they think that once they are called in and healed, they can then kill us all, kneel down, cover our mouths, and cover us again in their own way. However, if it is not Tensil’s healer that you are calling, we have no reason to stop it.
no way.
– And I know who the other healer who is not Tensil’s healer is.
A person who was not in the past but is now.
The only person who is neither a Tensil healer nor an elf healer. The person to whom Devlan, cornered, reaches out.
-…… Hina.
An amused laugh came out of Calian’s mouth as he recited that special name. Arianne, who had not heard that, told Calian the conclusion of the long story she wanted to tell him.
– So don’t come. No matter what reason or excuse you give, don’t come. Make sure that healer you have with you never comes here. This time, you will do the work of turning your back on His Majesty.
Arianne said to Calian what Chase could never ask Calian to do.
– sorry. really.
Calian quietly closed his eyes and held his breath.
It felt like the shadow of the past that I had not thought about had become a ghost and was moving before my eyes.
* * *
Whale cry.
“I remember being curious because I didn’t know why. What could make such a large animal cry out in such sorrow?”
Yesterday we talked about stars falling from the sky, and today we talked about the sound of a whale crying in the sea on a night when the stars rose.
Why again?
“Would it make that kind of sound if I cried while twisting my whole body? Would it make that kind of sound if I cried while all my flesh was being eaten? How would I make that sound if I cried?”
Out of the blue, I asked him if he had ever seen such a large animal, and he said that the roar of such a large animal was the saddest thing in the world. With a cup of pitch-black coffee in front of me.
So why again?
I’ve only just come to my room, but why is that pitch-black guy sitting in front of the jet-black car with black, dead eyes? Without telling him about it, he started talking about whale cries.
“I was curious about that, so I couldn’t get on a boat to get closer, but I still climbed the high cliff. I’ve seen the sea with the moon sparkling from such a distance.”
After saying that, Calian raised his slightly cupped hand to my eye level and moved it very slowly up and down, imitating something moving forward.
“It was just slowly going up and down the water, breathing and swimming. It was so peaceful that I once wondered if it was really that animal that was making the noise.”
It was not the same person who once spoke to Plantz in the basement of Heisia Palace. So now Kalyan just sat as Kalyan and told his story. Knowing this, Plantz sat in front of him without saying another word and listened to his story.
Without even asking why or what happened to make my face look like that again.
“If you don’t keep your mouth shut and watch quietly, you won’t hear the sound, so it won’t be noticeable on the outside. So, I almost lived without knowing the whale’s cry. I think it’s a good thing that I was saddened to learn that such a quiet animal can cry like that. There was a day like that.”
After saying that, Calian looked down at the untouched coffee and then raised his head again towards Plantz.
“I heard that sound here again a long time ago.”
Plantz just slowly closed his eyes and opened them.
Calian, who was not looking for a specific answer, continued speaking.
“Because I remembered that day, I thought I was lucky to hear the whale call again. I was glad I didn’t pass it by without noticing it. But today, I heard it once more from a bit further away.”
Even if you don’t see it, you know what it is.
Plants knows that the giant sea beast, which is always calm, needs to come out of the water to breathe. Although I cannot continue my life while out of the water, I know that I can only survive by going through the contradiction of raising my head above the water to breathe.
“Should I feel fortunate this time again, or should I regret that I passed by without hearing anything from the beginning? Or should I blame my ears for finally recognizing that sound. I don’t know.”
So, was it really Plants and Chase who made the whale cry? Or maybe it’s Calian who is breathing in this place full of poison that I can’t swallow or spit out.
Instead of telling me which of the answers was the answer, Planz just said the same thing he said yesterday.
“Go after eating.”
Even if you think about it with your smart head, you don’t know the answer, so if you do something, you feel hungry, so just fill your head with food today like yesterday and go.
Calian, who had been looking at Plantz for a while, bowed his head and burst into laughter.
“I want to eat again.”
I didn’t know what was going on in that green head that thought I was hungry just because I did something. As I was laughing like that, I felt like I was really hungry, so I just kept smiling.
Now I can’t stop barking and barking, so I ignore the light green eyes that seem to be asking if you just spoke informally to me.
