Chapter 25. Where to be (9)
The sun sets and dark clouds rise.
After finishing dinner because it looked like it was going to rain, Calian gave Demirea and Arsene a carriage each.
Afterwards, Calian, who came out of the Senyu House, meets with Jan to return to Chermil Palace, and when Reric learns that Planz has gone to Chermil alone, he wanders off and instead of returning home, the pale-faced wizards gathered at the bar sip carbonated water and shout at Calian. Time to discuss how to make the statue less scolding.
Hina, holding two pink ice creams, came to the training center.
This is because he has not yet properly met and reconciled with Kirie since he got angry at her, saying, ‘Do you think it’s cool to die without regrets?’
In fact, there was nothing that could be called reconciliation. Kirie just kept looking at Hina and couldn’t talk to her. So, it was as if Hina had already reconciled by visiting Kirie.
So, for the first time in a very long time, Kirie stroked Hina’s silver hair and opened her mouth.
“You must have been upset.”
I had just finished explaining what happened at dinner today. The chef, who didn’t properly hear Hina’s words, prepared a menu full of strawberries without even checking with Jan or Relic about the ridiculous order.
At first glance, it might seem like a funny thing to hear, but Kirie didn’t laugh.
Kirie, who had argued with Hina over blueberries, remembered how sad Hina cried that day. I just couldn’t open my mouth and make a sound, but I knew very well that there were so many uncomfortable and unfair things happening.
– Everyone here is strange.
Instead of answering whether or not she was upset by Kirie’s words, Hina brought up this story.
“What’s strange?”
– No one gets angry. Don’t say anything.
Don’t they say they will learn sign language as if it’s obvious? Instead of feeling uncomfortable about problems caused by sign language, they just ignore it and say that it can’t be helped because the way of speaking is different.
“It’s because I care about you.”
Kirie said this and took a bite of the strawberry ice cream that Hina gave her.
It was surprising to Kirie that Plantz learned sign language, but teaching sign language to Balkan wizards was also something Kirie had expected. Even though Calian didn’t ask him to, Alan came forward and talked about sign language education. If it weren’t for Alan, Arsene would have said the same thing.
Additionally, it was not under Calian’s instructions that some people in Chermil learned sign language. Kirie thought that it was because everyone cared for Hina. Even if you think about it, abandoning the subjective perspective that comes from the fact that she is your only bloodline, Hina is a person that everyone can’t help but cherish.
– I really like it here. I love it so much.
Don’t you know it’s Hina?
Hina, who had never once heard of being called ‘dumb’ or ‘disabled’ since coming here, laughed as she said this. This is why I thought of Planz, who, instead of criticizing the strange dinner menu, just smiled and moved on, even though he knew it was because of Kalian and Hina, who brought him strawberry ice cream.
– I’m going to go and work there starting next week. I’m going to work really hard.
Work in the Balkans.
Kirie looked a little worried after hearing that. I was worried about starting a new job again.
The people of Chermil were all good, but I had no idea what the Balkan wizards were like. Of course, as an older brother, it was inevitable that I would be worried about whether Arsene would take care of it.
– And Veronica said she was coming. They said they would help me. So don’t worry.
Calian, who was not careful, even forgot to tell Kyrie this story. Therefore, Kirie said with a slightly surprised expression.
“Veronica?”
Perhaps it was because she grew up in Riverne, where there was relatively little discrimination based on social status, or whether it was Alan’s influence, but Veronica treated Hina quite rudely. Moreover, during the month they returned from Rosellita, there were only two girls of their age in the group, so Hina and Veronica became quite close. Thinking about that, Kirie looked a little relieved and continued speaking.
“That’s good. But be careful not to be too naughty.”
Hina nodded and her hand moved again.
– I like him and all the wizards. I like a kind prince, and I also like a good prince. The Scary Prince was a little scary, but it was okay. You can have a good time here or in the Balkans. So don’t worry too much.
Hina said this and looked happy as she picked up the ice cream she had put down.
I didn’t see what Kyrie’s face looked like after completing a simple subtraction to exclude the kind Calian and the scary Randel among the three princes.
“… That’s right, Hina.”
The word ‘good’ comes out of Hina’s hand.
According to Hina’s expression, Kirie, just a ‘kind and dependable’ older brother, nodded without saying a word.
If he had heard Hina’s words a little earlier, he wouldn’t have had to withdraw his sword so easily during the sparring with Plantz. It’s both fortunate and deplorable that I won’t have to spar with that scoundrel in person for the time being.
– right. The good prince also likes strawberries. I like it too.
Kirie’s hand, which was trying to act calmly as it brought strawberry ice cream to her mouth, stopped. And Kirie put down the ice cream again.
The moment when strawberries disappeared from Kirie’s list of preferred fruits forever came so suddenly.
* * *
“Miyaang cuckoo!”
After returning to Chermil Palace, Kalian quietly went out to the terrace and sat down.
‘I am Prince Calian’s cat who prefers Prince Planz.’
The cat came and climbed into my lap. Then, he pressed his head into Calian’s hand as if it was natural to receive attention.
Calian tickled the guy’s head and under his chin. Then the cat showed off its pink paws like strawberry ice cream and tried to grab Calian’s finger. Calian let out a small laugh at the sight of this guy who seemed to have nothing to worry about.
“Did the cat like people this much?”
The cat Calian knew was always alert and had its claws raised. Wasn’t he an arrogant hunter who would not give his side completely to anyone, no matter what happened?
But this guy was different.
I always slept, ate, and played around with someone. I acted like I couldn’t live without someone by my side.
– smart.
There were two small knocks.
“come in.”
Calian gave permission without even checking who the visitor was. That sound, which is neither small nor loud, is clearly Jan’s.
Soon, I heard a small sound of the door opening and closing, and Jan came to the terrace. A refreshing mint scent filled my nose.
Jan put down two cups of cold tea on the table and sat down next to Kalian. Although he did not ask for permission, Kalian, as always, did not say anything.
“I’m sorry, Prince. There was a mistake today because the story was misrepresented.”
Yan spoke without mentioning Hina.
Kalian turned his head and looked at Yan and the car he had put down. And I laughed a little like I did when I saw the cat’s prank.
It was carbonated water with more mint leaves and cinnamon than usual. It is clear that they prepared this way in case they were unable to digest it.
“It was uncomfortable for you to eat it. I didn’t know you hated strawberries… so I wanted to apologize.”
I remembered one day when Jan gave me tea with dried strawberries and mint. I was able to get over it that time, but this time, my reluctance seems to be evident.
‘It would be correct to say that I wasn’t used to it.’
I learned the true taste of old Kalyan during today’s meal. I realized this by holding onto the tip of a newly discovered memory and recalling it. Until then, I thought Calian just liked him too. When I was in Bern, it wasn’t something I enjoyed doing that much, so I forced a smile at the many strawberry dishes, and Jan seemed to recognize that.
“It was delicious. It’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s not like I hate it that much.”
While answering like this, Kalyan felt that Yan’s attitude of handing out the apple was a bit strange, so he turned his attention to Yan.
The attitude of apologizing for not being able to satisfy one’s tastes was clear from beginning to end. However, the person who sat next to me without permission was not an attendant. So now, Yan would be offering an apology from the perspective of both Yan, his servant, and Siroian, his guardian who had been watching Kalian for a long time.
“Is that what you came to say? It’s meal time.”
It wasn’t often that Kalian sat down to eat with Jan. Therefore, usually after Calian had finished eating, the servants and maids gathered separately to eat. If it were any other day, Yan would have had dinner by now, but he came to see Kalian like this.
“It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot. Prince Planz said something earlier…”
Jan’s words didn’t continue for a while as he started off like this. Calian sat quietly, staring at the sky that was gradually turning black.
“I just thought that maybe I don’t know everything about the prince. I wonder if I’m not looking straight this time or if I’m not seeing the change in the prince.”
When everyone said I was like a flower, it was a fact that everyone already knew.
He didn’t say that or ask how much he had thought about just one strawberry. I just waited in silence for Jan to continue what he had to say.
“The prince also said that he put down everything he was holding. I didn’t even understand what he meant.”
Calian frowned for a moment because the words that followed, like an older brother who was worried about his enemy-like younger brother, were omitted. I was wondering what on earth my enemy-like older brother had said to a child. Then I realized that Planz was younger and quickly frowned again.
Anyway, Jan thought he knew everything about Calian, but he seemed to be confused because he could see things that were slightly discrepant. I didn’t know what ‘not looking straight this time’ meant, but I guess that’s roughly what it meant. Plantz, who noticed this, seemed to have said something to Jan.
Calian, who roughly understood the situation, opened his mouth.
“I thought my cat liked my brother more, but I guess not.”
And then he said something so unexpected.
“Maybe it’s because my older brother likes cats that he went up there with all his might. I had that thought for a moment.”
Both mint and cinnamon had strong scents.
If it had been added in moderation, it would have gone well, but as much as I was worried about Calian, the taste of carbonated water with a lot of it was the worst.
Kalyan said after swallowing something that tasted worse than strawberries.
“I didn’t even know what kind of cat my cat was, so how do you know everything about me? It’s natural that you don’t know.”
When I found out the secret and was sad, I was able to grieve with her and comfort her as much as I wanted. Even if I hated Calian now, I was confident that I would somehow hold on to him and keep him by my side.
“No matter what you learn about me or how I change, you will always be together.”
The day I first opened my eyes here.
This is Yan, who smoothed out wrinkles on clothes with hands full of fingernail marks.
Kalian knows that no matter how much he was ignored as a prince, he meant everything to Yan. So, one step behind Kalyan. Or next to it. That seat was always Jan’s.
So Kalyan never once felt anxious or worried about Yan.
“It doesn’t matter if you put down everything in your hand. It’s not important. You don’t have to blame yourself for not knowing. You don’t have to look at me straight. You can only see what you want to see. My baby elephant was always like that. It’s okay.”
Raindrops began to fall one by one from the sky.
Rain smells fishy.
A good memory from one day passed the tip of my nose.
The strong, fishy smell of mint and cinnamon goes well together. I don’t know if the previous Calian liked it, but whatever.
You can like it from now on.
“yarn. Do you want to make a bet with me? I will be taller than you or not.”
I bet a gold coin.
[Side Story] Hello
, when something taken for granted no longer becomes natural.
People usually get angry, cry, laugh, or
run away.
And the boy ran away . It was a human.
* * *
– Why do I have to learn this?
When he asked this, the boy’s mother laughed with a face he could never recall. So the boy never asked that question again.
After a while, he began to speak with his fingertips . When he had learned all the laws,
the boy held his mother’s hand and went to somewhere in the mansion. His mother’s hand was so hot and trembling that the boy could not forget it for a long time. The rightmost room on the second floor of the mansion
. .
No one ever told me not to go there, but I had never been close to it out of fear. The door that had always been tightly closed opened with a heavy tone that made you wonder if the wood would make this kind of sound when it rusted. The boy went inside with his mother
. .
And he was finally able to meet someone who moved his pale face and smiled.
Seeing that face, the boy unconsciously let go of his mother’s hand. And then he uttered the words he had practiced hard until that very morning. –
Hello.
With a clumsy hand gesture, the boy said. He said his first greeting to his older brother.
– I am Shiroian. Nice to meet you. It was a
stupid thing to say, but the boy’s older brother did not blame him for it. He sat on the bed and spread his arms with a happy face. It was not necessary
. It was something that could be recognized even without speaking with one’s hands. That’s why the boy looked up cautiously. He asked, ‘Are you okay?’ and his mother smiled quietly and nodded. The boy smiled brightly and quickly ran up to the bed and climbed on top of the bed
. He hugged the boy, who had the same blonde hair and blue-gray eyes, and who looked very similar to him, but was a little taller. It was unfamiliar,
bony, and cold, like a withered tree branch, but it was still nice.
“Hello, brother.”
You couldn’t hear it, but you still called out. Because I missed him.
The boy said the short words he wanted to say the first time he met his older brother.
Hello brother.
I am Shiroian.
* * *
The air in that room always felt thick.
It felt so heavy that I had to be conscious of inhaling and exhaling.
Still, I thought it was okay.
I thought it was okay because there was an older brother there who was always smiling.
The boy’s older brother was sick and the cause was unknown.
So the boy’s younger sister couldn’t go to that room often. The reason was that the disease that the boy’s older brother was suffering from might be passed on to his younger brother. So, we decided to go together when my younger sister was as old as the boy.
– The cicada cried today.
– cicada?
– Yes, cicadas. It’s amazing how cicadas cry. One day, suddenly, Maeam Maeam. No one knows when I started crying. Just suddenly maam maam. Cry like this.
The boy’s older brother had never been outside the mansion much. It wasn’t that I couldn’t walk. But it hurt more when I went outside. I was coughing and had a fever. So the boy worked hard to go out every day on behalf of his older brother. I walked around every day trying to see something new every day.
And every day, he went to the rightmost room on the second floor and told the story.
– In the summer, this black and ugly thing suddenly starts crying very loudly. Mae am mae am.
– Is it black and ugly?
– huh. It has wings and is black. Make a noise in your stomach.
– What is it. It’s like a monster.
– no. It’s ugly, but it doesn’t look like a monster.
A black, ugly winged thing that cries, “Maam, maam.” Moreover, if a ship makes a noise, anyone would think it looks like a monster. I didn’t think of that.
So, I think I’ll try catching cicadas tomorrow. The boy thought so.
– If you want to see it, I’ll catch it tomorrow.
Will my brother be surprised when he sees cicadas?
Will it be fun?
Will I ever feel like going out?
If I think like that, will it help my brother?
Or…
– I don’t want to see you. I think it looks like a monster. Just play the violin.
The boy’s older brother said this.
Instead of saying that cicadas are not monsters, the boy just said that he understood. Then he played the violin diligently, which his older brother could not even hear.
Because there was no need to see something I didn’t want to see.
The boy’s older brother is a person who cannot even freely enjoy what he wants to see and hear.
* * *
The boy visited his older brother like that every day.
And every day, the boy’s older brother broke down little by little.
Little by little, like a violin string that is worn out little by little, like a violin bow that is broken one by one. But it was steadily falling apart.
The boy didn’t know that.
The boy’s older brother hated how he compared his unhealthy self to his healthy younger brother. It became a disease again. The boy learned that fact too late.
It was only later that I realized that sometimes the sense of loss that grows to the level of envy can become a disease. I found out about it only after it was already late.
Like a fool.
* * *
‘The condition is getting worse day by day. Isn’t it said that Lord Manasil’s son is good at using medicine? I think once again to Lord Manasil….’ ‘They
say there is something else going on, but I can’t hold on to it.’
At first I didn’t understand what that meant.
‘But, matriarch…’
‘Can you block the road just because my son is sick?’
What does it mean to have a worsening illness? What does it mean to deal with medicine? What is the boy’s father saying he will give up now? The boy didn’t understand at all.
Some time passed like that.
– brother.
As always, the boy went to the rightmost room on the second floor.
– brother. I brought Leah…
The boy’s younger sister was now able to use sign language well. I told my mother that my brother would not be infected with any other diseases. It was a place where we came together with permission.
It was the first time the three of us got together.
So my younger brother put a pretty flower on his head. I also wore a loose skirt that I didn’t wear often.
– get out.
The boy’s older brother said this.
Feeling sorry for his younger brother who had dressed up so beautifully, the boy spoke once again.
– brother. Are you very tired? Just Leah for a moment.
The boy’s older brother made a face he had never seen before. He had a face that I couldn’t tell whether he was smiling or crying. He made a scary face.
– Do I look tired?
The boy couldn’t answer.
He was still holding his younger brother’s hand tightly and just watched what he said.
– Look at me. Don’t avoid me, look at me properly.
The boy covered his brother’s eyes.
I felt like it had to be that way.
– Don’t ignore the fact that you’re dying.
Even though I couldn’t really understand what that meant, I couldn’t close my eyes and covered my younger brother’s eyes.
– okay. If you look at it that way, you should now know it properly. you also.
So, I just watched what my brother said.
I couldn’t say anything and just watched.
I just cried.
– what’s the matter. Aren’t you happy if I die?
I should have said no, that wasn’t the case.
Like a fool.
* * *
And one day the boy had a nightmare.
I had a dream that I was wandering alone in a forest where I couldn’t see anything.
Violins and cicadas buzzed everywhere. I had a dream where I got lost in a place where I didn’t know whether to go forward or back, and the place was filled with loud noises.
“Confucius, Confucius!”
Because of that dream, I was able to open my eyes only after a long time.
It was the knight Yu-ran.
After seeing that the boy had opened his eyes, Yuran held him in his arms without another word. Then he wrapped the boy’s body in a small blanket and ran out of the room.
“what’s the matter?”
The boy asked this, and Yuran answered a moment later.
“There was a small fire. You don’t have to worry.”
“Then why are you going out?”
Yuran did not answer.
I wrapped the boy’s head in a blanket and held him in my arms. Holding the boy with one arm and covering both of his ears with the other.
The boy felt out of breath, but Yuran did not let him go.
I realized that I didn’t have much time left, so I set fire to my room to erase all traces of my life. The screams of my brother who cannot speak. It was only after a long time that the boy realized that it was because he did not want the boy to hear that horribly painful sound.
Like a fool.
* * *
Several days passed again with no one making a sound.
and.
“yarn.”
Don’t be surprised.
Don’t be too sad.
My father’s words continued like that.
It was like the sound of cicadas that you suddenly hear when you open your eyes.
“Your brother. Yesterday.”
It was like the sound of a cicada that came in without any preparation and declared that summer had come.
* * *
Cicada cried.
I say maaam maaam as if I don’t want to let the end of summer go by.
The boy cried too.
I cried every day in the room on the right end of the second floor, where everything had burned down and nothing was left, and now even the owner had disappeared. I cried every day, saying the words I couldn’t say to myself.
Summer passes, fall comes, and winter becomes.
Spring comes and goes like that.
Until I heard the sound of maam maam again.
Eventually, the boy’s father forced the boy to leave the house. He said he didn’t want to go out, so he forced his way out of the castle and out of the duchy, holding the boy in his arms.
It showed me the stars, it showed me the sky, it showed me the river.
Since the boy’s older brother couldn’t see it, he forced everything into the eyes of a stubborn man who refused to see it himself.
So after some time.
Just like that day when I was led by my mother’s hand to the room on the far right side of the second floor. The boy and his father set foot in a huge, beautiful, yet utterly desolate place.
And in that bleak place, I saw a child who should be more flashy than anyone else, but wasn’t.
okay.
Like a dry tree branch.
“Who is that kid?”
So I asked this.
It’s been a year.
For the first time in a year, the boy saw something and asked a question.
“You are the third prince of this country.”
Instead of being moved by the boy’s question, the boy’s father quickly answered:
The boy didn’t even listen to that.
He walked towards the child as if possessed.
“……hi.”
And like this.
I said hello.
