[Episode 115]
“Grandma told me to remove the retainer and throw it away!”
“Cha Miso, you’re going to die!”
It was noisy everywhere.
My mood ran to the floor at the rough hand shaking my body.
I don’t want to open my eyes, but I know I have to.
It seemed like this mess wouldn’t end unless my grandmother, whom I had no affection for, killed me or I opened my eyes.
“Amy, you are funny too. How good would it be if you took off the retainer immediately when I told you to take it off! Do you know where money comes from digging?”
“Mother, the child who is not yet dead…”
“Ah, Mom is right, Grandma. What did my sister do…”
A familiar yet unfamiliar voice laughed at me.
These are the people who always gave me a strong voice. Raising their voice, swearing, ignoring them as if they didn’t exist.
“What did you do, what did you do! As a parent, how the hell did you educate our puppies, Amy, make them obsessed with them like this!”
Grandmother’s voice rose.
“Did you even threaten to save your child?”
“Mother, how can I…”
“Did you ask what was the problem? You poop puppies.”
said the grandmother.
“That child is a problem because he was born into this family. You know how precious this family is, but how dare you be a girl in this precious family…” I
didn’t have the confidence to listen anymore.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I slowly opened my closed eyes.
For a while no one noticed that I had opened my eyes. So I quietly turned my head and saw two broad backs.
It was the backs of my younger brothers whom I hated so terribly.
And over his shoulder, he saw an old man with few wrinkles for his age and a straight back. As if feeling my gaze, the grandmother immediately turned her head toward me.
“you!”
Grandma strode past the barriers of her younger brothers and stood in front of me.
Her appearance in the 21st century, with her curly-looking face, dressed in an uncomfortable, improved hanbok, showed her personality intact.
“Somewhere in Goyan, an adult came, but you keep lying down like you haven’t learned anything?”
I pursed my lips and slowly lowered my gaze.
I always did.
Standing in front of Grandma made me feel like an idiot with hard thinking and unable to speak properly.
As soon as she opened her mouth, her heart skipped a beat and her breath stopped.
“Can’t you get up right now!”
Blinking my eyes silently at the empty space, I slowly got up and sat down.
Behind my grandmother, I could see my mother, who was a little thinner than I remembered.
In front of me, it was always like an unapproachable mountain, but in front of my grandmother, my mother looked very small, not knowing what to do.
‘Was my mother that small?’
He was always a big and scary person in front of me.
Unlike my father, he didn’t hit me, but he always glared at me with his mouth shut.
It’s a strange thing. Now it doesn’t feel scary at all.
‘This could all be thanks to Dad.’
Because my dad always took my side and protected me no matter what I did or what I did wrong.
After receiving a lot of love, I felt like I knew how unfair and unreasonable the world around me was.
After all, Dad was my salvation.
‘At that time, I really wanted to die.’
Now I just wanted to go back to that world.
“Where are your eyes so high? Is this dead and alive and crazy! If you were going to die, would you die gracefully or be shamefully run over by a car?”
Grandmother’s bad words were not something that happened for a day or two.
My grandmother was a person at the end of the ideological preference for male sons. A person whose way of thinking is very old.
He often said that if the first customer in a restaurant is a woman, the business will be open that day, and that it is unlucky for a woman to do business.
It was for the same reason that I was hated by my grandmother.
They said that a woman would be unlucky because she was born first.
Now that I think about it, that was really nonsense.
If it wasn’t possible because I was born as a woman, it wouldn’t have been possible anyway.
If it was a business where a woman came in and worked for a day, it would not have been possible in the end.
It’s just that someone needed a plausible reason for failure, and that would just be sometimes a woman, sometimes a child, and sometimes an old man.
It was always the weak who was to blame. I was just a weakling.
I often think
What did I do wrong that I always had to be told that being born was a sin.
Did I always have to live listening to words that were not treated as human beings?
‘The other world is full of people holding swords, using magic, killing people, buying and selling people…’
All those people would disappear into powder along with Dad’s radiant smile.
Is it because I came to see that world?
Grandma’s anger, which was like an active volcano, now felt like nothing.
I burst out laughing without even realizing it. Then the grandmother’s expression became very strange.
“Are you laughing now?”
“Then…”
Maybe because the voice was locked, there was more wind mixed in than sound.
I raised my hand and touched the neck several times before finally opening my mouth.
am i crazy?
Maybe I was almost sold, I almost died, I was a dragon, I woke up after sleeping for 5 years and I was a little crazy when I was young.
“Do I look like I’m crying?”
“…what? What did you just say!”
“Does it look like you’re crying?”
“Is this bitch crazy…!”
Grandmother’s eyes widened as I spoke with my eyes wide open and not shivering.
It was worth it.
In my grandmother’s memory, I would have been a stupid, foolish troublemaker who couldn’t answer a word and shuddered and stuttered when she shouted at me.
“Cha Miso, what are you saying to your grandmother…!”
“Mom, you messed up my child’s education! Is this bitch going crazy because she died and came back to life…!”
“Year year. Don’t do that, grandma. Even though we’re the same year, why are you being mean?”
My grandmother, who always emphasizes elegance and elegance, opened her mouth at my words.
It was like he never thought I would respond like this. I looked out the window for a moment.
I don’t know how much time has passed…
‘I should have just died the other day.’
Then maybe I could have quietly closed my eyes.
Then I wouldn’t have had to see anything like this, and I might have continued to be Eirin.
‘But what if it’s really a dream and you’re going to die forever?’
I hated it if it was something I could never go back to. I want to live long in that world.
“doctor! Call a psychiatrist! This bitch is so crazy, she’s possessed by a ghost!”
“Grandma, I am fine. I’ve never been so clear-headed since I was born.”
“Chami-so, apologize to Grandma right now!”
My mother came running in thought and shot at me.
“Hey, as soon as you wake up, tell your grandmother…”
“Hey Chai too.”
I looked at my first brother. Suddenly, I remembered my father. My dad, who smiled brighter the more he got angry.
So I put a smile on my face too.
“shut up.”
“…what?”
I moved my hand carefully. My hand didn’t have enough strength. When I lowered my legs under the bed, it still didn’t work.
Still, it wasn’t difficult to stand. I cautiously got up from my seat.
Blood splattered as he pulled out the ringer with all his might. I roughly pressed the area where the needle had been inserted with the sleeve of my clothes.
‘I have to get out of the hospital first.’
Whether it was a dream or not, when I woke up, I thought it would be fine if it wasn’t for the hospital.
“Where is Cha Miso going now!”
As I was walking, my mother blocked my way.
I used to be afraid of sharp eyes or tightly closed lips…. Maybe
it’s because I’ve seen a lot of taller people, but now it doesn’t feel like a big deal.
‘What were these people really afraid of?’
The heightened field of vision did not suit me very well. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it from above.
I once wanted to be loved by this person.
After receiving true love, I realized that I had never been loved.
“mother.”
I opened my mouth as sensitively as possible with a smile on my face. My mother looked at me with a strange looking expression. The door
to
the hospital room opened.
I saw a familiar and fearful face behind my mother. Even when I met his eyes, I didn’t stop my mouth.
“Whether I die or get hit by a car, please don’t save me next time.”
“Now what…”
Mother opened her mouth with a rather shocked face.
Yes, it seemed more hurt than shock. It’s funny. I’ve been hurt more than that.
“…You make a fuss as soon as you wake up.”
My father, who was standing outside the door, entered the hospital room and said.
I was just about to leave, ignoring my father.
However, the grandmother seemed very displeased with me for ignoring her son.
“How dare an adult speak…!”
Grandma pulled my wrist. I crumpled my face all at once.
‘I want to see Dad.’
It was a moment when Chimi was annoyed and thought intensely.
As if the hot sunlight was pouring in, the hospital room suddenly seemed to shine brightly, and someone was standing there.
“What is this all of a sudden…”
“…Dad?”
It was Dad.
Imagination came true again. that too in reality.
The moment I realized that, a chill went down my spine.
