◈ 410. [Side Story] Shattered
In my dream last night, I became a butterfly.
I fluttered my wings and flew happily among the flowers, but I felt so good that I didn’t even know it was me.
Then when I woke up from the dream, I was not a butterfly, I was me.
Did I dream of becoming a butterfly?
Or is the butterfly dreaming of being me?
… This is the famous dream of Zhuangzi.
… .
I’ve been thinking that I, a classic fan, was dreaming of Ash.
But it was the other way around.
The truth is that I, Ash, was dreaming of becoming a classics virtuoso.
***
“Ash-sama was chosen to be the last player in this game against the demon king.”
Ader explained slowly.
“Because she inherited the ‘Curse of Return’ from her mother, Dustia-nim, she was able to keep her memories in this game that was repeated by resetting the world. As a player, it was an optimal talent.”
“… .”
“However, in the infinite recurrence, the soul could not stand it and began to weather. It was the result of repeating life for so long that it was too much for one soul to bear.”
I was listening quietly. Ader continued.
“You tried to hold on to the end, but in the past, you were so broken that you couldn’t even remember your purpose or the names of the people around you. You couldn’t possibly continue playing the game as a player. so… .”
“so?”
“… I decided to write the last method.”
Last way… … ?
“The last time Ash-sama manages to maintain his reason after returning… In the spring of my twenty-three years old.”
Ader looked at me blankly.
“Bringing another player’s mind from another world and transplanting it to Ash-sama.”
“… !”
“Calling a different personality and overlaying it on top of Ash-sama’s personality, like wrapping a cracked pottery with a cotton cloth. This was the last resort.”
Why is Ash… … I am.
Did you try to keep fighting like that?
“Coincidentally, our ‘game’ was quite popular with other beings in the other world… … Among them, contracts with players who recorded good clear data. I copied the ritual and put it on Ash-sama every time a new round started.”
In short, so.
Copy & Paste.
Did you copy and paste the minds of other players into Ash?
“So I was able to keep playing. I was able to try to attack in a variety of ways that I hadn’t before. But even that has its limits.”
“… .”
“Even if I wrapped it in a new cotton cloth every time, the pottery was already full of cracks… It got worse and worse.”
Ader groaned bitterly.
“Ash-sama’s soul was eventually shattered and this is the last time.”
“… .”
“It’s the last game your shattered soul can stand.”
Silence passed.
I was standing still and asked.
“… What if I fail? What’s next? Are there any more players?”
“doesn’t exist. The game is over.”
Ader opened his arms slightly.
“I, who took on the role of director, are at my limit now.”
Is it because this is the spirit world?
Only then did I enter Ader’s spirit body… … Countless incontinence was seen.
His soul was on the verge of turning to dust, to the point of being puzzled by how he maintained his form.
“This is the last chance for you and for me.”
“… .”
“I’m sorry for hiding the truth, Ash-sama. but… I thought this fact only confused Ash-sama.”
I let out a long sigh.
“so… In the end, I copied and overwrote the memories of the classics… … It must be Ash who has lost all of his original memories.”
My head was dizzy. It was difficult to breathe.
… The ship had all its parts replaced.
Is it still the ship?
I covered my face with my hands and stumbled. Ader tried to come closer to me, but I waved my hand to block it.
“Give me a little time.”
“… .”
Ader quietly withdrew.
I staggered along the sandy beach and sat down on a hill high in the sand.
Still looking up at the aurora-cast sky, she smiled dejectedly.
“After all, I’m neither a classic fanatic nor Ash.”
I am not a fan of the classics.
A real classics fan must live somewhere on Earth.
I’m just a fake copy-pasting of his memories.
And I’m not Ash either.
I don’t have any memories of Ash. since it has already been overwritten.
There are memories that sometimes remain and come to mind unconsciously, but it is already unfamiliar, as if it were someone else’s rather than mine.
He lowered his head slowly and exhaled heavily.
“I have nothing real left.”
In the end, I’m neither a classic fan nor Ash, but a completely different… … He is just a broken human being.
Made just to be used as a player. It is nothing more than a patched-up chimera.
‘Everything that makes up me is not mine.’
both in the body and in the soul. mine is… … There is nothing.
i’m fake
He covered his face with both hands and bowed down. I am short of breath and my eyes are burning.
The truth was harsh and I was confused.
how long was that
Suddenly, my shoulders felt warm. I was puzzled and slowly raised my head.
“… ?”
The sun is hitting my shoulders.
When I looked up, I saw that the sun was rising at the end of the endless land on the other side of the coast.
Does the sun rise here in the spirit world?
I frowned at the dazzling light and raised my hand to cover the light.
‘huh?’
Is it an illusion?
Under the blazing sunlight, something shook like a haze.
I focused to take a closer look at it.
that… .
-PRESS START
… … It came out of a classic game engraved in childhood memories.
It was the letter made of dots.
“uh?”
I was out of breath.
Rubbing my eyes and looking at it again, there is no trace of the letters, as if it was an illusion. But I had already left my seat and stood up.
The sun rises. Lifting the veil of night, the sunlight brightened the day with terrifying momentum, as if setting the spirit world on fire.
A voice suddenly rang in my brain in the world that started to glow dazzlingly.
– What matters is not where you come from. what do you want to do in the future
What the goddess said and what I said to my colleagues.
I sighed and looked down at my hands.
“… .”
i’m fake
Neither my body nor my soul are completely mine. my everything is fake
But even if my life is entirely a lie… … .
‘Still, I want to save.’
The child lying in the hospital room.
this world collapsing.
Everyone within my reach… … .
‘I want to save it.’
Kwak.
I gripped my chest tightly.
Even if everything about me is a lie, this heart is mine.
The flag I raised for him was undoubtedly unmistakable… … it’s really my heart
It was then.
Whoa!
The sunbeams from the sky rushed in and fell into my hands creating a whirlpool.
“… ah.”
When I came to my senses, my right hand held the flag of light I had seen in the spirit world.
hot and heavy.
The once broken flagpole was clumsily attached, and the shredded and burnt flag was sewn up unsightly.
my flag.
my heart.
my shattered pieces.
“… haha.”
Looking at the clumsy flag fluttering, I suddenly burst into laughter.
– If you are torn to pieces, you can live with being torn to pieces.
before I fall here.
The words serenade said while holding my hand.
– If it is shattered, you can live as shattered.
I muttered blankly.
“Living in pieces… .”
… Looking back.
I’ve always been broken
‘Even as a classic virtuoso.’
I couldn’t write poetry, so I couldn’t become a poet, and no matter how hard I studied, I couldn’t get into a prestigious university.
At the company I barely entered, I couldn’t stand it and had to run away.
‘Even as Ash.’
After losing his mother, he abused himself, destroyed the people around him, and rushed to destroy himself as a scoundrel.
‘Even if I gave up everything a long time ago, it wouldn’t be strange.’
Either way my life has been a series of crashes. I always break and break and break again.
741 attacks failed.
And the road to the true ending that was not successful until the soul was shattered.
… .
… But even though I’m broken, I’m not defeated yet.
All those wounds didn’t end me. Even if it’s a patchwork fake, I’m still standing here looking up at the sky.
The game isn’t over yet.
Even after going through hundreds of game overs, the classics fan continued to fight to give words of support to a child.
Ash did not give up until he put someone else’s consciousness into his shattered soul.
And I am a mixture of fragments of the two.
Kwak.
I firmly gripped the flag in my hand.
I will be broken in the future.
More adversity will come, more suffering, more loss and more sorrow.
I will be hurt more and shed more tears than I have ever suffered.
As long as you do not give up and fight against it, it is your destiny.
But what does it matter?
It’s already shattered.
If it breaks, stick it back together and stand up.
– If you don’t lose heart, even if it splits into a thousand and ten thousand, you are you.
Remembering the words of the serenade, I closed my eyes.
“I am… .”
I am not a fan of the classics.
I am not Ash
I am neither a player, nor a tyrant, nor a monster.
“I am… .”
I am none of them, but I
am all of them at the same time.
Bathed in the dazzling sunlight, I clenched my fists and clenched my teeth.
Opening my eyes and looking at the sky- I declared.
“… I am shattered.”
That’s why.
“I am me.”
What defines me is what proves me is my heart.
As long as this heart remains, no matter how broken it is, I will put myself back together and fight to the end without giving up.
Until the moment this life ends.
“Whoa… .”
He let out a long sigh.
My heart felt lighter. There is nothing more to hesitate about.
I looked up at the sky again.
Whether it was a fantasy or a mirage, the letters made of dots are still invisible.
But I stretched out my hand toward the sky.
And pressed a button that doesn’t exist.
Then
[Player existence verification complete.]
As if he had really pressed the start button, a familiar system interface appeared before his eyes.
[System All Green.]
[Welcome back player.]
I hit the start key.
And then my real life began.
In my mind grabbing the flag and starting down the hill
– I’ll cheer you on too.
Finally suddenly.
A greeting from a dreamer rang in my mind.
– cheer up.
“… .”
Thank you for supporting me, who is in pieces like this.
“I’ll do my best.”
As I went down the hill, I saw a startled Ader running from the other side, panting.
“Let’s go back Ader.”
I smiled innocently.
“I have to play the game I was playing.”
The Game Continues.
Because the game must go on as long as people don’t give up.
“… .”
Ader looked at me and the flag in my hand.
“… yes!”
He took off his glasses, roughly wiped the tears from his gray eyes, and smiled brightly.
“Go back to Crossroads!”
