Chapter.8 Oh Bloody, Boom Bladda (3)
***
Ian’s plan to live in a splendid explosion until the end of his life failed in vain.
The war is over. One day, without victory or defeat! And it’s so vain.
“How long are you going to wait?”
“….”
Ian was just revising the plan in silence despite Gustave’s sarcasm. According to the reconnaissance team, the 13th Brigade has also been disbanded, so now we need to organize new personnel to guard that area…
“The war is over. You know that? Two months ago, an unknown nuclear weapon was dropped between the enemy and our allies, causing chaos, and there were no orders or movement from the enemy. It’s all over. The fire of war that burned the world finally burned everything and died out. “Hey are you listening?”
“….”
Ian once again ignored his words. The enemy remains. Since the enemy has a disorganized command system, they can be annihilated without harm. Of course, the same was true for our allies, but at least the unit he leads and the group that calls themselves the SS are still faithful to orders, so if they do well with a small number of people…
“No more!” Enemy! “No!”
Wow!
The rough torn plan and Gustave’s angry eyes visible beyond it. Ian saw the man reflected in his eyes. The man who was unusually agitated was himself.
Ian let go of the pencil he was holding as if it might break.
“If there is no enemy… “What do I live by now?”
“….what?”
“What should I live by from now on? As a petty thief, as a child doing odd jobs at an orphanage, as a college student, as a mercenary, and as a commander. It was not a very long life, but if I were to choose the most satisfying life, I would without hesitation choose life on the battlefield. However, if there is no enemy, there is no need for battle, soldiers to carry out the battle, or commanders to lead those soldiers. “What will fulfill me from now on, Gustav?”
Gustave Al Harb. He was a soldier in a similar situation to Ian. 8 He was the commander of the Allied forces, was quite popular, and survived until the end of the war. He was a guy I could communicate with quite well as we had worked together on several operations. If I had to really ask, it would be closer to a ‘friend’ relationship. Minus the intimate feeling that the word has.
“Oh my god, is it you Ashfield that I’m seeing right now? “The old people and children you burned will shed bloody tears when they see this!”
Ian couldn’t understand Gustave’s sarcasm. What have the dead to do with him?
Gustave, who was shaking his head as he looked at Ian, who had a look on his face that showed that he did not understand what he was saying at all, let out a sigh-like laugh.
“but. You used to be that kind of person. “It’s better.”
“What do you mean it’s a good thing?”
“I’ve been racking my brain for three days and nights to figure out how to persuade someone like you, but it’s all gone.”
Gustave said, flopping down on the chair across from Ian. The words that came out of his mouth were nonsense that Ian had never even thought about.
“Ashfield. Let’s create a military group with me. You want enemies? Then you have to make allies first. “Isn’t this the clearest line that separates allies from enemies?”
“If it’s a military group… are they mercenaries?”
“It’s a little different from a mercenary. Do you know how the world works now? Strange zombie-like things called mutants are roaming around, and except for a few areas, they are contaminated with radioactivity, making it impossible for people to live, and the government, laws, and rules have all disappeared. A world ruled by the logic of power has arrived! And we are the commanders of the military, which is the pinnacle of its power. “The commanding officers of the disorganized army now have no affiliation and no one to give orders.”
Gustave’s face was full of confidence as he spoke passionately. Gustave was grasping the air as if reaching out to himself to reach some future.
“We become the focal point. Soldiers are creatures that follow orders. If someone presents clear goals and orders, the soldiers who are currently scattered will gather to us one by one. It will become the pinnacle of a world ruled by the logic of power! You and Me!”
“Then… who is the enemy we have to deal with?”
under!
Gustave snorted at Ian’s question.
“It’s a question not worth asking. enemy? The whole world will be our enemy! The era of struggle for all, by all, will come! The war is not over! Rather, it has just begun!”
bang!
With an impassioned declaration, Gustave hit the desk hard with both arms.
“Come with me, Ashfield. “I’ll make enough enemies to satisfy your self-destructive desires.”
Eyes that seem to be burning brightly. A smile formed on Ian’s lips as he noticed that his trembling hands had stopped.
Under the faintly flickering incandescent lights, the two men held hands. Gustave Al Harb The man known to the soldiers as Raptor did not lie. With his unique charisma, he recruited soldiers who had lost their goals under his command, created the Raptor Society, and began a war against the world.
***
“Hehehe. Isn’t the name obvious? A man called Raptor and the Raptor Society. Gustave was an ambitious guy. Of course, I was a guy who didn’t care as long as I could burn and blow up my enemies. It was a win-win for both parties. In this way, the Raptor Society was created under a system based on military organization, and I, along with three additional division commanders, took on the position of Swarm Alpha.”
Huuuu –
The strong alcoholic scent of the liquor rose up along with the strong cigar smoke. You’re drunk. Yeah, I’m definitely drunk. Whether it’s alcohol, nicotine, or the feeling of a cool dawn after a long time.
“It was quite satisfying. Gustave kept his promise. There were plenty of enemies, and plundering the supplies that the survivors had accumulated in the early stages of the destruction was overwhelmingly more profitable than staying in one place and surviving. Raptors were stronger, wealthier, and attracted larger groups. When I found out about the existence of a powerful enemy called Dom, I laughed out loud for the third time since the day I saw a nuclear weapon explode with my own eyes on my 10th birthday. I was convinced when I saw those ridiculously strong guys. ‘Ah, these turtle-like guys will deal with me until the day I die!’ do.”
monster. His enemies called him an emotionless monster. I couldn’t understand it at the time. He just made the most rational choice, but why are allies, let alone enemies, afraid of him?
“For a year after that, I survived as Raptor’s swarm alpha and became almost considered the representative of Raptor. It was terrible, but at the time I thought it was a rewarding life. Because I thought I was most clearly fulfilling the reason I was born in this world. It was a rewarding and satisfying life full of war and slaughter. “Not before the third explosion.”
“A third explosion?”
“There is such a thing.”
Even without looking, I could see the doubts blooming on my friends’ faces. How do I explain this feeling? It may be said to be a superstition, but Ian believed in his destiny linked to the keyword ‘explosion’. Four explosions that changed his life. The third happened a few months after I met her.
***
Ian Desmont was a man who could discuss explosives for four days and three nights, but he had little interest in anything else. If we were to be specific, there was only the pursuit of two things: efficiency and rationality.
That was why he shared a room with regular soldiers instead of an executive ward and ate the same meals as them. Large and spacious hospital room. Gorgeous diet. Isn’t it all a waste? Providing it to soldiers would boost their morale, but it is a privilege provided only to a small number of executives.
The reason Ian was able to meet Molly, who worked as a nurse in the ward, was because of his frugal personality and the numerous injuries he received from participating in more battles than anyone else.
“It’s so cold… I don’t want to die, mom. “Mom…”
For Ian, who spends most of his time at Nest in the ward, the scene was of a very unpleasant kind. It wasn’t about the soldiers. I’ve seen this dying soldier countless times.
‘I broke a bone in my leg through a penetrating wound, but I’m fine. But that thing on the abdomen… is a secondary injury from the explosion. Those pieces of molten rock are fragments characteristic of plasma explosions. That soldier is no better than a corpse.’
At first glance, he is a soldier whose recovery is difficult. However, a nurse dressed in white clothes, covered in blood from the vicious soldiers, was trying to soothe his fears by holding his dying hand and making eye contact.
‘That’s stupid. If that wasted time was spent on other patients, wouldn’t there be a lot more soldiers recovering from their injuries? It’s inefficient.’
Whether or not she knew Ian’s feelings, the nurse showed that side of herself every time Ian was hospitalized. One day, I couldn’t bear the frustration and spoke to the nurse.
“hey.”
“Hemostat over here! Please give me some hemostat! “Patient Clyde, please give me some painkillers right now!”
“….hey!”
Jerrit!
The nurse turns to him only after calling a few more times. It’s been a long time since I received a hostile gaze from someone who wasn’t my enemy.
“Desmont? “Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable?”
Ian was conflicted for a moment. Although he is inefficient, he is a great resource who devotes himself to his mission without stopping. I wondered if it was really reasonable to say to such a person, ‘I called you because it was annoying to your eyes.’
“….The patient in hospital bed 13 will die soon. “There’s no need to take care of it any more.”
Because I was conflicted between these concerns, what came out of my mouth was not a scolding, but advice.
“i know. me too. “It was too late for Sergeant Max to be revived.”
“It is unnecessary to memorize each name. “There is a reason why numbers are attached to hospital beds.”
“But you can’t call a dying person patient number 13!”
“As medical workers, they will know the patient’s condition better, so it would be possible to operate much more efficiently if we exclude patients who are being evacuated based on their condition before putting them on the bed.”
“Really profitable!”
Her response to his advice made Ian even more uncomfortable.
“Human life is not something to be judged so carelessly! “It’s natural that we have to do our best until the end as long as we have any remaining breath!”
“No, that’s ridiculously inefficient…ugh!”
The nurse threw a blanket at Ian’s face as he tried to protest against the nonsensical sophistry.
“If you have the strength to make such a fuss, just leave the hospital! “I’m tired of those sneaky stares following me, so please stop getting hurt and come back!”
“No, I just…”
Ian tried to protest against her misleading words, but by the time he had removed the blanket, she had already turned to the other patients.
“…It’s ridiculous.”
No matter how ignorant they are of the outside world, who among the Raptors would treat their pinnacle, the Swarm Alpha, so rudely? Could it be that she is a bit lacking?
When we added the hypothesis of severe mental illness to the strangely eye-catching evaluation of her, it became a fairly plausible explanation.
“Both behavior and attitude. “I guess she was a bit lacking.”
Ian felt even more uncomfortable as he saw her smiling warmly at another patient in the distance. Just one word. With just one wave of my hand, I could make her kneel before me.
“….It is an unnecessary action.”
But instead of doing that, Ian closed his eyes and quietly thought. He thought carefully about what aspects of her irritated him.
After that, Ian was admitted to the general ward a few more times and came across her still working inefficiently. In response to the growing discomfort, Ian gave her sincere advice every time she passed by, along with a plan to improve work efficiency that he took special time to create. Every time she heard Ian’s advice, she felt the weight of life and her life. They started arguing about topics that Ian couldn’t understand.
As time passed, Ian had no choice but to admit that he was enjoying the act. But I still didn’t know the reason. I just assumed that it would be a sense of accomplishment that comes from the process of changing inefficiency into efficiency.
***
“Joe, isn’t that exactly true? that?”
Ian nodded as Bex poked his side.
“I wouldn’t say I fell in love at first sight, but that’s right. It was true that I fell for her. I didn’t know that at the time. I’ve dated a lot of women, but I’ve never taken the initiative to do anything. These were women who just saw my face and rushed at me, and I was just following what others told me to do because they liked it. “Because I’ve never had romantic feelings in the first place.”
“You unlucky bastard.”
“I wish I had been scolded by my sister-in-law.”
“Hehehe, how did you know? I didn’t know it was affection, but I suggested it to her when I thought she was definitely interested. Would you like to be my secretary? Once you reached Swarm Alpha, you could also use a secretary. Of course I thought she would accept. Because being a nurse is harder work than you can imagine. Especially in this severe trauma patient ward. But do you know what she said?”
asked the professor, who poured the remaining alcohol in his glass with an uncomfortable expression on his face.
“What did you say?”
“You said it clearly. ‘I don’t like killing people!’ do. Without realizing it, I ended up speaking in a persuasive tone. That’s not what the secretary does. He doesn’t follow me to the battlefield or pick up a gun. All I had to do was organize my work and do some paperwork… Despite those lame words, she remained steadfast. I said I understood and left the ward. Were you sad? That wasn’t it. But that ‘inconvenience’ grew like a snowball without me even realizing it.”
Ian’s tone as he dreamily spoke about the past was filled with happiness. People around him were gagging at his sweet tone, but Ian’s story didn’t stop.
“I groaned with that unknown discomfort. Visiting her again was… something. However, the discomfort was unbearable for me to just sit still. In the end, I ended up spending that night at the fire testing range, brandishing all kinds of bombs and guns. “When I burned half of the fire test site like that, a very stupid idea occurred to me.”
***
‘Let’s kill.’
My head and ears were numb from shooting until dawn, but thanks to this, my confused mind was relieved and a great solution came to mind. A solution so clear that I don’t understand why I couldn’t think of it until now.
‘Even though it’s interesting, it’s ultimately just a hobby. If it affects the mind and body to the extent that it interferes with daily life, isn’t that a harmful hobby no different from drugs?’
As expected, sticking to gunpowder was the right answer. To give such a clear answer in just one day!
“I’d like to borrow this.”
“Just keep it!”
“Sure.”
Ian took out a silver revolver among the weapons hanging on the wall of the firepower test site and came out. As soon as that heavy, cold touch touched my hand, I felt my heart become stronger. One shot. With just one shot, the ‘discomfort’ that had been tickling his chest for the past few months completely disappeared. How efficient and clear this is.
By the time I saw the green cross of the ward in the distance, I was almost humming. I’ll meet her soon. What should I say? Should I just shoot? Or should I go into detail about why she needs to die? Like when we were discussing that childish vitalism in the ward?
‘There’s no need to talk too long, but it would be okay to just say one word. Now that I think about it, isn’t that the only thing other than explosives that makes me happy? Hmm… Okay, it would be nice if it was something that could have been avoided. ‘If I hadn’t realized that she was an irritant, she wouldn’t have died.’
Ian, who came to a clear conclusion with his usual cool head, opened the door to the ward wide in an unusually cheerful mood.
Wow!
A sharp sound echoed through the ward amidst the smell of alcohol and blood.
“Oh my, our nurse. It must hurt. Right?”
“Ugh!”
“So why don’t you listen? “We are patients too?”
Ian’s excitement calmed down in an instant due to the sharp atmosphere. No, instead of sinking, he delved into a deep abyss filled with terrible distortions he had never experienced before.
Five soldiers. They had no injuries and were surrounding and intimidating someone.
“I couldn’t bear it because my lower body was in pain all night, so I came here like this. What? Are you asking me to leave the ward and not make a fuss? “That’s what you should say to a patient!”
“If it were a Raptor woman, wouldn’t she have been mentally prepared! Pretending to be clean! Who wants to marry me? Let’s have some fun together!
“Hey Dixon! “Let’s stop taming the woman and bring her inside!”
“Ugh!”
And the moment the familiar features and swollen cheeks of the woman who was grabbed by the hair by one of them came into view, a
sudden
feeling of something breaking in Ian’s mind and a black, sticky emotion he had never felt before in his life spread from his brain to his fingertips. I felt it fill every inch of my toes.
I couldn’t see anything. The patients, the panicked soldiers, and the epaulets given only to Swarm Alpha’s personal guard were hanging on their shoulders as they looked at him, screaming and running towards him like an animal. I just hoped they wouldn’t go through too much pain because of his shooting habit of always aiming for the head.
Taang! Taang! Taang! Taang! Taang! ……Taang!
When she came to her senses, she had blown off the heads of all five soldiers and struck the corpse of the one who had grabbed her by the hair. Even though he killed them all, the thought that something had to be done was constantly looming in his mind.
Ian approached her, stepping over the convulsing corpses spurting out hot blood. I didn’t even know why. This is because the excited brain was only transmitting fragmentary information and was unable to accurately create complete thoughts.
‘Why did I do that? It’s an ally. But it was a good thing. Why on earth? What did it mean? I don’t know. The revolver’s performance is truly excellent. okay! revolver. There was a purpose. It had something to do with the woman in front of me. I was going to say something before I finished working with the revolver…’
The woman was trembling, curled up in a corner of the floor covered in blood and brains. The moment he saw that, a corner of Ian’s heart began to become uncontrollably anxious. Something has to be done. If you don’t do something…!
[I don’t like killing people!]
‘Ah…’
At that moment, Ian’s mind gave up on thinking properly and started spewing out whatever words came to mind.
“This…!”
Slam!
Tang Tangrang-
“It was force majeure!”
Ian threw away the revolver he was holding and swallowed the words. The shell casings that fell from the thrown revolver cried pitifully, but that was none of his business.
“As the leader of the Raptors, I have a duty to protect its members!”
It’s a lie. There will be more than a truckload of soldiers who have abandoned their devotion when necessary.
“They threatened you, who are working as Raptor’s medical workers, and this is the same as throwing away the countless lives that you will save in the future, so we had no choice but to ‘exclude’ them from Raptor! “It’s not a meaningless murder!”
In his increasingly urgent mind, Ian discovered the identity of one of the discomforts that had been tickling him. It was fear. The anxiety that comes from having killed five people in front of a woman who so despises murder and cherishes life.
Ian couldn’t believe himself now. Killing an ally? It’s my first time. Have you ever lied? It’s my first time. Have you ever been so anxious that you were out of breath? It’s my first time. Have you ever been so angry that your eyes turned pitch black? It’s my first time. And…
“So… I hope you’ll reconsider… do.”
I swear this is the first time my heart has trembled this much.
“I know it myself. That I am an empty shell hidden by this superficial title of Swarm Alpha. In order to fill that empty leather bag, I lived desperately clinging to the emotions I could feel! okay! I thought that was enough and that I had enough of a life in my own way! until now!”
Ian stretched out his hand. The moment he saw those small shoulders trembling with fear, his body moved on its own before he could even think.
After taking off his coat and wrapping it around her shoulders, Ian carefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders. The ‘discomforts’ that had been accumulating like pebbles burst out one by one like flower buds along with Ian’s deepest emotions, just as the warp threads are unraveling along the weft threads.
“But… I think I can change if I’m next to you. Even though I have lived my whole life as an emotionless monster, I became greedy in the possibility that I could become a human being. “I can’t bear it.”
Because she did her best even for those who had no hope. Seeing her so devoted to a person who cannot be revived reminded Ian. I thought that maybe that woman would share her sincerity with him, who was as empty as a corpse.
She slowly raised her head at Ian’s sincere confession. Ian knelt in front of her and held her in his arms as if he was confessing and clinging to the last hope of his life.
“So please… just give me one chance. The opportunity for me to live as a human being next to you…”
Wow.
Ian, who was confessing with gritted teeth amidst the guilt and shame that was increasingly constricting him, was unable to continue speaking. He felt her coming into his arms. It was a permission more beautiful than a thousand words.
Ian shed tears in her arms, just as a newborn announces himself to the world through his cries. In the 22 years since his sister died, no one has hugged him like this.
***
