Chapter 39 of the side story. Don’t give up on me
2022.12.27.
thump.
Shoot ah-.
It took an instant for the raindrops that fell drop by drop to turn into heavy rain.
In an instant, the whole body was soaked. It seemed that the dress she had been wearing to meet Pacifica was soaking up water and dragging her body down endlessly.
how long did it run Shiana gasped for breath and stopped. It felt like my lungs would burst.
Random thoughts came and went in and out of my head over and over again.
‘How did this happen?’
In the morning, I read an article about Pasifika going through formal divorce proceedings with the Emperor.
As soon as she heard the contents, Ciana, who was worried about Pacifica, got her father’s permission with difficulty and went out.
Arriving at the capital’s mansion of the Donovan family after being accompanied by a maid and an escort, as she always did, she overheard an unbelievable conversation.
“Gustav. What about the wagon?”
“yes. I called earlier. Just wait a little bit, Your Majesty.”
“You should have prepared in advance.”
“Your Majesty came out too early.”
Her lover, Evan, is with a man named Gustaf. However, he called Evan the emperor.
I must have heard it wrong. I thought so for a moment, but there was evidence that immediately denied it.
Sianna knew the name Gustaf well.
When Shiana and Evan communicated through correspondence, it was sent under the name of an aide to the emperor.
‘Evan has abdicated the emperor…’
Siana has not taken the emperor’s reputation lightly every time in the meantime. As a daughter of an aristocratic family, she had nothing to do with the emperor, and she was not the type to listen to the opinions of others in the first place.
However, once they found out that Evan was actually Emperor Esteban, they couldn’t just ignore the rumors surrounding the emperor.
A man who is said to make even his servants tremble in fear because he can’t control his blood.
The murderous crown prince of the battlefield that even the enemy is afraid of.
The supreme emperor of the empire.
And …the ex-husband who divorced her after marrying Pacifica Donovan.
Siana buried her face in her hands. Heavy raindrops hit the crown of my head and ran down my face incessantly.
I wasn’t that kind of person.
He was a really warm person.
The hands holding each other were so warm, and the eyes looking at me were so kind that I gave my heart…
“My lady!”
Marie, who was following her, called out to Shiana and ran. Surprised, the escort took off the coat I was wearing and tried to put it on Siana, but couldn’t.
“Go away.”
At Esteban’s appearance, Syana’s maid and escort were taken aback and retreated far away.
Siana did not look back.
He slowly approached Siana, who had turned his back on him. Her weakly trembling shoulders looked thinner and weaker than usual, so I wanted to hug her.
However, even though he was small and weak, his will to reject him was clear.
Esteban took a step closer and called her name.
“Siana.”
“Why did you cheat on me?”
His voice was so low that it could have been drowned out by the sound of the rain, but to Esteban it was louder than anything else.
It seemed like he heard a crack in the ground under his feet, but Esteban turned his back.
“I was trying to clarify.”
“…”
“When we first met, you were dressed as a maid, so I deliberately hid my identity because I, the emperor, would feel uncomfortable. I never meant to deceive you on purpose.”
“I see.”
Esteban naturally assumed that Cyana would resent him, but she did not.
Acceptance, enlightenment, and resignation.
‘Why are you giving up? why?’
Esteban couldn’t understand. There was a misunderstanding between the two, but it was because I didn’t think it would have a big impact on the relationship.
“Siana.”
He called out his lover’s name with an anxious heart.
However, Esteban overlooked a fact.
“If it’s the emperor, we can’t do it.”
“What do you mean?”
Esteban’s expression hardened.
“That shouldn’t be the case.”
Soon, Siana’s muffled voice was soaked in rainwater.
“Your Majesty the Empress, no, Lady Donovan… is someone I respect very much.”
“….”
“If the husband of such a person is the emperor…”
“..”
“I can’t continue this love.”
That she hadn’t realized how deep Siana’s feelings for Pacifica were.
Esteban was arrogant.
Since he was the only heir to a noble emperor from his birth, the position of emperor was his own.
He thought of himself as generous, but that was the self-justification of a person in a position that no one could go against.
For a man who had never had the need to understand someone’s feelings, self-confidence had no choice but to grow.
Esteban assumed that even if he revealed his identity, Cyana would accept him as a matter of course. Even if he married Pasifika Donovan, whom he said he was close to, and had a son between them.
Even so, it was common sense that Esteban knew.
because he was emperor.
In an instant, however, his common sense was overthrown.
Just as Esteban stood still in shock, Cyana slowly turned around.
Raindrops poured down on her as she smiled lightly. The moment she thought she wanted to stop it, she opened her mouth.
“And now you don’t have to talk like Sir Evan, the knight. Because I know everything.”
A cruel sentence to quit acting now.
Esteban’s neckline moved. I want to say something, but it was hard to even hold my neck.
Esteban finally spoke.
“okay. … I am the emperor of this empire.”
Despite the sound of heavy rain, his poet was not buried.
Siana looked at his face quietly.
There was a time when I thought that there was something unreasonable about being a knight. The things that I thought were strange were all right when I thought he was the emperor.
After removing the deception, I was finally able to see his face.
It was more natural than a friendly honorific. The insensitive face suited him better than the smiling face as if it were overdrawn.
The blue eyes, like the clear sky, were actually the most cold color.
The man she loved was not there.
“I’m sorry for deceiving you.”
“…”
“Since I had an arranged marriage with Lady Donovan, I thought it would be okay. I gave birth to Oscar and children for succession…”
“…”
“If I knew you would be hurt like this, I would have told you.”
Esteban did not know.
The fact that in the not-too-distant future you will have someone to love with all your heart.
Had I known, I would have made a different choice.
But the regret is already too late. No matter what I said, I couldn’t change Shiana’s heart.
“Don’t talk like that, Your Majesty. It hurts both him and me.”
Sianna didn’t even listen to his lame excuses. Esteban eagerly grabbed her by the shoulder, but a firm hand pulled his hand away.
Took. Esteban’s hand fell helplessly.
“…Hello Evan.”
Siana said her last farewell to her lover.
Esteban couldn’t blink until the figure from the back gradually faded away and soon disappeared.
I heard the sound of the world collapsing.
***
The emperor’s birthday banquet was held. Esteban, who sat in the seat of honor, could not concentrate even as he listened to the greetings of many people celebrating.
He was looking for someone with his eyes all the time, but he couldn’t find them.
Gustav, who had been hesitantly watching him by his side, gave a hint.
“Lady Gardenia seems to be absent.”
“…”
“The Marquis of Gardenia attended alone.”
Esteban’s expression was so cold that Gustav closed his mouth after he had finished his words.
‘Siana.’
The distant figure of her back floated like an afterimage. No, in fact, I didn’t want to forget even that back view, so I miserably kept thinking about it.
Ciana had said in passing that she would attend this banquet. Esteban, who confirmed her name on the attendance list, waited for today.
When we met today, I tried to have a proper conversation, but I couldn’t see Siana anywhere.
However, there was no place to inquire about her whereabouts. There was no contact between Esteban, the emperor, and Cyana, the daughter of the marquis.
While Esteban was wandering around, the Marquis of Gardenia, who was present alone, encountered an unexpected person.
“It’s been a while since we talked like this, Lady Donovan.”
It was only a few conversations with Pacifica when she was the empress.
Even though she might get tired of the intimidation of the Marquis of Gardenia, which could be felt even in a short greeting, Pacifica’s expression did not change at all.
“It’s been a while, Marquis.”
“Isn’t Cyana bothering you these days?”
“yes?”
Pasifika, who had met Cyana for quite some time, questioned in an instant. The expression of the Marquis of Gardenia changed after noticing the strange feeling.
“Is this a story you don’t know?”
Pasifika realized that something was wrong with Sianna and skipped the answer.
“I’ve never thought of the young lady as being annoying.”
“You are generous.”
“It’s an overstatement.”
“And the ambition is big.”
The Marquis of Gardenia’s tone was meaningful. He raised the corners of his mouth and looked around Pacifica.
There were a lot of people hanging around trying to talk to her somehow.
As the nucleus of imperial politics, the Marquis of Gardenia had to be fully aware of the succession struggles of other families.
Naturally, the circumstances of the Donovan family were also included in his field of investigation.
‘To think that a daughter who was not the heir that the head of the family opposed would come all the way up here.’
Hyeongaju was no different from a living corpse, only breathing.
Nonetheless, Pacifica defeated one by one those who had chosen Lisandro Donovan as their successor.
The vassals of the family, who did not expect to come back after gaining time as empresses, surrendered helplessly.
The culmination of self-obtained power.
The Marquis of Gardenia highly appreciated Pacifica’s abilities.
‘Sooner or later, a new duke of the Donovan family will be born.’
There were still forces that had not surrendered, but it was no different than a matter of time.
Pacifica asked the Marquis of Gardenia.
“Was Lady Gardenia absent?”
“My daughter suddenly fell ill with a cold. It suddenly rains and comes back.”
The expression of the Marquis of Gardenia, who had always had a fierce face, collapsed for a moment.
“I couldn’t attend this ball because my fever didn’t go down.”
“I wish the lady a speedy recovery.”
“Don’t let me tell you. Then I’ll go and say hello to His Majesty the Emperor.”
Marquis Gardenia, who greeted Pacifica, headed to Esteban who was sitting in the high table.
Usually, the two did not like each other. However, since they were related to the military and the gods, they could not miss the celebration of the birthday banquet.
“Congratulations on the birthday of His Majesty the Emperor.”
“marquis.”
Esteban suddenly called the Marquis of Gardenia. Feeling puzzled, the Marquis raised his head.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“I can’t see your daughter-in-law.”
“I’m not feeling well because I caught a cold, so I can’t attend.”
“body…?”
Esteban’s eyes suddenly widened. The expression was quickly captured, but the Marquis of Gardenia did not miss the moment.
“Why is Your Majesty interested in the daughter of God?”
“Isn’t your daughter famous? I was just curious.”
It was a plausible answer, but the suspicions of the Marquis of Gardenia did not disappear.
‘Something suspicious.’
It was the instinctive five senses that grew up while eating in the bloody political arena.
Sensing something in Esteban’s attitude, the Marquis of Gardenia retreated silently.
As soon as the Marquis moved away, Esteban hurriedly rose from his seat.
Gustaf, who was by his side, was startled.
“your majesty. Where are you going?”
“Shiana doesn’t say she’s sick.”
“No, Your Majesty. Calm down.”
Despite Gustav’s words, Esteban’s reason continued to blur.
The small back of her walking through the rain came to mind again.
“I said I caught a cold.”
It’s because it’s raining.
For leaving that frail woman in the rain.
“I have to go.”
“How often is His Majesty absent at His Majesty’s birthday banquet!”
At Gustav’s dissuade, Esteban chewed and spit out his brain.
“It doesn’t matter anyway.”
Position, face, everything was like a handful of ashes. Compared to Siana.
After leaving the hall and following Esteban across the corridor, Gustav desperately stopped him.
“Are you saying you’re not feeling well? Shouldn’t Lady Gardenia also rest?”
I knew there was nothing wrong with Gustav’s words. For Shiana’s sake, it was only right to stop.
Esteban thought about Siana.
It reminded me of the many stories I shared with Sianna, who was my lover. He knew her character well.
My very kind lover. He was kind to everyone, but he had an unbreakable resoluteness.
‘…If I give him time, he’ll rather run away.’
Even at this time, Shiana would give up her heart moment by moment. His steps stopped abruptly.
Esteban covered his eyes with one hand. The tears on his fingers were hot.
The fact that he was abandoned by Siana came like a rage. I hoped for Siana’s warmth and wanted to pray endlessly.
‘Don’t give up on me.’
Please forgive me for being selfish. Please.
