Chapter 217. Dad, I love you2022.03.01.
The day he first found out that Mabel had secretly left the castle in the past, Esteban was angry and grabbed Mabel by the shoulder.
“Where the hell were you without an escort!! If anything happens then! What are you going to do!”
I was worried. I thought that something bad might happen. Isn’t it easy for parents to worry about it? However, Mabel’s reaction was different from what was expected.
“Wrong…”
“…Mabel?”
“sorry. sorry.”
I didn’t understand at the time why Mabel trembled and begged for forgiveness. The reason why a child who never knew fear had a terrified face. But now I know. The reality of what scared my child. Even when he faced a new life, he could not shake off the terrible memories of abuse. Time went back to the past again. It was the day of my child’s middle school graduation ceremony. It was an unfamiliar landscape that Esteban couldn’t understand with his head, but he was able to accept the situation with a child’s expression. All the children of the same age there exchanged bouquets of flowers with their families and smiled brightly. But the child was alone. He kept his seat with a calm face as if it was a natural thing.
“Winter. Let’s take graduation photos together!”
“uh? okay!”
At the call of a friend holding a bunch of flowers, the child smiled and approached. My friend’s mom tried to take a picture, but got bruised.
“Please lend me a bouquet of flowers, too. What are you carrying all by yourself?”
“iced coffee. Winter, take this.”
The child, who accepted a bouquet of flowers from a friend, tried not to show it, but it was clear that he was uncomfortable. After taking a picture, the child quickly handed the bouquet to a friend.
“Here are the flowers.”
“You can still hold it.”
“no. Thank you.”
Esteban understood the child’s intentions.
‘Because it’s not yours…’
Because it’s burdensome. I might be jealous of the fact that I didn’t have it at all. Pushing away must have been a means to protect oneself. The child, who did not receive even a bouquet of flowers, left school alone. When friends leave for a private meal with their families, they only trudge toward a desolate house with no one there. Esteban walked after him. Even though you can’t see it, I hope you won’t be lonely on the way home from walking alone.
. . . Time again ran towards the past. Esteban watched the life of ‘Yoon Winter’, which was short if it was short and long if it was long. I went through my middle school days and went back to my elementary school days. The child suffered from the violence of a drunken father in the past. The good thing was that the man often left the house and never came back. Meanwhile the little child diligently swept and polished the dirty house. It was because the child had to endure abusive language and violence when the house was dirty when he returned. Then, I struggled up onto the creaky chair, opened the cupboard, took out the food I had hidden, and filled my hungry stomach. I broke the ramen, which wasn’t much in quantity, and ate little by little. Very occasionally, neighbors in the neighborhood who knew the family’s circumstances distributed food, so the child was able to eat at least. However, there were also many days when I couldn’t eat anything all day because I couldn’t always take care of it. A child who is not properly cared for has become strong enough to live alone somehow. However, Esteban felt sorry for the hardened child. I couldn’t even imagine the scars the child must have received, like hardened calluses from being bumped and rubbed tens of thousands of times. . . . Time constantly turned to the past. Esteban was standing on a winter night with thick snow flurries. A child who looked to be about four years old was crying endlessly. And in front of him stood a strange woman holding a luggage bag. She was the first child’s mother. Esteban vaguely thought that the child’s mother had died, but it wasn’t.
“Oh mom…”
“I’m living with my dad now. Mom isn’t coming anymore.”
“Don’t go…”
“No. It’s cold, so go inside.”
At the cold voice, the child clung to her mother’s arms with tears dripping down her face.
“Speak well….”
“….”
“A small mug of rice. I do the dishes and the laundry.”
Could that really come out of the mouth of a four-year-old?
“Don’t abandon me, Mom.”
Despite the child’s earnest clinging, the mother ruthlessly shook off her tiny, bracken-like hand and disappeared through the flurry of snow. Left alone, the child stood on the street in the snow for a long time. Until her tender cheeks and small hands were frozen red and swollen. As if waiting for someone… . . . Again, going back in time, the younger child was out of the house to avoid the fight of the parents who were constantly fighting. The child, crouched down and scratching the floor with a branch, could not enter the house even though he was sweating profusely in the midsummer heat.
“It’s hot ….”
In a house that is not soundproof, the sound of fighting can be heard intact even when sitting outside. The child sat in the shade without a word of complaint and scratched the floor. Then, suddenly, he raised his head.
“…?”
Esteban was momentarily taken aback by their gaze. The bright-eyed child asked in a clumsy but clear manner.
“Azotti. Who are you?”
“…what?”
“Dad Ching-gu? Why are there so many mori Hayachi?”
I have observed many landscapes of this world, but I have never seen anyone with silver hair. Esteban realized that the ‘Mori is a white azoti’ that the child was talking about was himself.
“baby. Can you see me?”
“yes. show me Let’s say goodbye to Daddy?”
“I am yes-.”
It was then. As he hesitated in bewilderment, the space distorted and the child’s figure blurred. Esteban went back to his past memories without being able to answer.
‘Is being able to communicate with Mabel proof that you are looking for a piece of your soul?’
It was scary to think such a thought, and a new landscape unfolded.
“Aaaagh!”
A baby who was not even a few months old cried incessantly. The small, unorganized house was a mess with unsorted garbage and leftover food, and the old TV made a loud noise all the time. However, what was louder than that noise was the shouts of the couple, who were in a hurry to fight while cutting each other down with blood vessels standing on their necks.
“I’m going to stick in a corner of the house and watch the kids. Where are you going around like that? Don’t my words sound like words? You should listen to the most!”
“What is the head of the family when he can’t even earn money? You’re just drinking on fictitious days!”
“what? Won’t you shut up? Why are you talking like that?”
“Think about your mannerisms. i’m dying of boredom If I hadn’t had children, I wouldn’t have gotten married to someone like you…!”
“what? Did you say anything?!”
Even though the baby was still crying, none of the parents thought to take care of it. The child, whose face was red from crying so much, began to whine as if exhausted. Baby crying in the corner. Parents fighting each other out loud. …a small life that has never been warmly cared for. Esteban passed between the parents and approached the baby lying on a dirty, worn-out blanket.
“…baby.”
“Papa?”
Her eyes, full of tears, stared at him. Esteban smiled at the baby.
“Yes, winter. Dad.”
Because I’m not Mabel now. Because it’s winter.
“Papa.”
Esteban’s outstretched fingers penetrated Winter’s cheeks. But I was sure that I could hear his voice in the eyes I met. He whispered softly to the child who had stopped crying before he knew it. I’m too young to remember, but I hope you don’t cry even a little bit.
“My dear daughter Winter.”
“bar.”
“Wait a little. I will give you more than the world.”
“group?”
“There are families who love you. Among them, this father loves you very much.”
the best in the world
“flattery.”
“I am waiting for you to come to my side.”
“Boo.”
So don’t be in too much pain, don’t be in too much pain, please…
“Please come back.”
my daughter whom I love very much. As soon as the words were finished, the baby laughed briskly. I felt as if I understood everything he was saying. After Esteban smiled at the friendly face, the space slowly began to crumble into pieces. It was the last piece of soul. The unconscious space was disappearing. At the same time, a magical storm blew up.
***
Three days have passed since Esteban entered Mabel’s unconscious. As the waiting time got longer, the atmosphere between the escorts and Oscar naturally subsided.
“Devlin’s feeling is unusual.”
Upon hearing the report from the informant planted in Devlin, Lisandro’s expression hardened with concern.
“They say they’re messing around with the Langard Empire. If Langard becomes Devlin’s ally, things will get messy.”
Following the emperor’s absence, the empire quickly became insecure. The aristocrats tried to hide it and cover it up, but a complete secret could not exist. Unsavory rumors soon began to circulate among the people.
‘His Majesty the Emperor is also in grave danger.’
Hwang Hwang-jae’s biological son, Oscar, was the only one left, but he was in a situation where he couldn’t act rashly.
“My father told me to ask for the empire, but I am not qualified.”
Oscar believed Mabel and his father would return. However, if he stepped forward now, it would be like threatening the position of the emperor. After that, it was not good to go to the front even for Mabel. However, the more rumors grew, the more the people of the Empire trembled with anxiety. To make matters worse, the war of nerves with Devlin intensified day by day, and even clouds of war drifted home and abroad. Oscar, who was in a position to somehow rectify the situation, did not know what the right decision was.
“…What should I do, Uncle?”
Oscar squeezed the last letter from Esteban that he couldn’t burn in his hand. Although he handled government affairs as the emperor’s representative, he could not become himself. It was the same with Lisandro who couldn’t make a decision. He patted Oscar on the shoulder with a dark expression.
“Let’s wait a little longer, Oscar.”
“…yes.”
Just like that, time just flew by. In the meantime, Devlin’s threat was full to the brim. There was not much time left to endure.
“Emperor. Mabel.”
Oscar just endured waiting as he watched the two asleep.
***
In fact, in the corner of my heart, there was a bit of indulgence for those who grumbled.
‘You told me you loved me when you were very young.’
Although she grew up with neglect and abuse from her parents and eventually died from a quarrel with her father, she lived with the memory of being loved nonetheless. That trust was quickly denied. Actually, my parents in my previous life never loved me. not even for a moment.
‘It was my father.’
It was my father who gave me that love. The only person who said he loved Yoon Gyeol in his previous life, who was lonely. When I opened my eyes and got up, I saw my father lying right next to me. I didn’t know how long he had been asleep, but I could guess the years from his father’s face, which was much paler than before. Tears flowed endlessly. Through the blurred vision, I saw my father’s face. I slowly reached out and held my father’s hand tightly and whispered.
“Dad, I love you.”
The words I love you for the first time in my life. If it had to be the first time, it had to be the father. Even in my life as ‘Mabel’, who lives again, I actually denied the love of my family on the one hand. If I’m not smart, if I’m useless, if there’s no reason to be loved anymore… they’ll throw me away. I’ve always been so suspicious.
‘Like a fool.’
How could I have doubted my father’s love? Only that heart is undeniably true and upright. Soon, the lips of the father who had closed his eyes drew an arc. Before long, I saw the same light blue eyes as mine.
“I love you too, my daughter.”
Dad’s rough hand cupped my cheek and wiped away the tears.
“huh.”
I buried my face in his hands and smiled brightly.
