Chapter 10. Because I am your father2020.03.07.
“what?”
“According to the witness, he released the magic restraint without difficulty, knocked out the guards and soldiers, and fled.”
“What’s going on?”
“A long trail of blood continued to the bushes near the northern forest, but it has since disappeared.”
“Did you run away toward the forest?”
Come to think of it, the place where Mabel went for a walk today was also the lakeside at the entrance to the northern forest. Esteban was relieved that the dangerous hostage had escaped and hadn’t encountered Mabel.
“Since there is no report that something has been caught in the barrier of the imperial castle, it must not have been able to escape yet. Block the gates and strengthen entry and exit surveillance. At the same time as the search, reinforce the Mabel Palace’s security tenfold. No one will set foot except those with permission.”
The purpose was to prevent Mabel from being in any danger. But Gustav went a step further.
“I have already told you to increase the security 20 times.”
“Good job. They said they were lost near the forest in the north, so let’s search around the forest.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The discussion that had been unfolding about the fugitive hostage was over. Only then could Esteban breathe.
“…everyone go away.”
At the Emperor’s low command, everyone bowed their heads and left the room. Only Oscar hesitated and couldn’t move his feet.
“Isn’t your father going?”
“I don’t go.”
Esteban smiled bitterly and wiped Mabel’s sweaty face with a cold towel.
“Shouldn’t the person to take care of you have to stay?”
‘If it’s nursing, the nanny should do it.’
The words rose to the top of his throat, but Oscar swallowed his words and left the room in silence. Maybe it was because she took the antipyretic drug, Mabel’s fever was slightly lower than before. Breathing was much more stable. Time was short in the future. Esteban placed the back of his hand on Mabel’s cheek.
“Don’t be sick, Mabel.”
It was painful. As this small and weak child grows up, it won’t be once or twice that he gets sick. Esteban, the owner of the largest territory on the continent and the owner of the most gold and silver treasures, but there was something he could not achieve. To protect your precious ones perfectly. Tried several times, but failed each time.
“…Siana.”
He remembered his wife, who groaned with fever and eventually died.
“…You shouldn’t have told me to give up you instead of the child, Sianna.”
“But… in the end, Your Majesty didn’t refuse my request…” ”
…Because it was your request.”
“lie. From the beginning, neither the child… nor I would have given up…” ”
….”
“Taking me away from you like that… is too harsh, so all I can offer you is an apology.”
In the end, she couldn’t hold Esteban’s hand and closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry Evan…”
What he wanted wasn’t an apology from Sianna. Saying I’m sorry, not saying I love you, has become a wound that won’t fade. The new flesh doesn’t grow and it gradually festers. In the end, it will be cut out and become a scar that will not heal. So he wanted to protect this little child safely and completely without any threat.
‘But I’m sure I…’
My thoughts were cut off.
“Huh…”
With a whining voice, a small hand touched Esteban’s large hand. It was a passing moment that seemed like a coincidence after tossing and turning, but it caused a big ripple in Esteban’s heart.
‘What was I thinking?’
I felt refreshed as if I had been doused with cold water. Esteban looked at the area where Mabel’s hand touched. It was hot because of the high body temperature.
“…I’m sorry, Mabel.”
Just seeing that I caught a cold was so painful, but I wanted to give up because I was afraid of the eventful things to come. He was afraid that Mabel would leave him like Shiana. But it shouldn’t be like that. Esteban’s blue eyes shone coolly.
“Because I am your father.”
therefore.
“Don’t keep it. certainly.”
No matter what threat or whatever blocks it, Mabel will be protected. Even if there is a limit to destroying and smashing, it is inevitable.
***
That day was… an unusually hot summer. I was the only one in the 10-pyeong house. Since there is no air conditioner, the only way to beat the heat is to rely on a fan that barely turns while making a crackling sound. As a 5-year-old with a weak immune system, I caught a summer cold and lay in front of a fan and closed my eyes. He was paying a heavy price for bathing in cold water.
“Haa…”
It was hot enough to make me sweat, but I still got chills.
‘…Couldn’t I really die at this rate?’
It’s already been over a month since Dad hasn’t returned. Mom… will never come back. No one helped me because I was lying like this. It was a long time ago when I realized that I had to do my own thing. I woke up staggering. While my eyes were spinning, I rummaged through the storage cabinet and pulled out antipyretics. Even though the expiration date had passed, I didn’t have the energy or the money to buy the medicine, so I just swallowed it.
“Ugh.”
It felt like something was stuck in my throat, probably because I swallowed it without water. I curled up and lay down in front of the fan. Before long, the medicine started to wear off and I began to feel sick to my stomach. It was probably because I took the medicine on an empty stomach. In the meantime, I started making comparisons that have now become a habit. Why don’t my mom and dad love me? Why do I have to do everything by myself when someone else takes care of the children from other families? Why do people look at me sadly when I walk down the street? And…
‘…why am I always alone?’
Questions that don’t make any sense. A question that no one can answer. But I wanted to find the answer. Then I hope this loneliness for no reason will disappear. I closed my eyes and my consciousness gradually faded. I felt the lukewarm wind from the fan… and soon only the dizziness left. Even though I was lying still, it seemed that the surroundings were shaking.
“…Evil.”
I heard someone’s voice. It was a man’s voice. Who is it? no way.
‘…dad?’
An unfamiliar hand brushed my sweaty forehead and wiped it off with a cold towel. It felt good because the wet towel that I squeezed out was cold. The bitter-tasting liquid flowed into his mouth and he swallowed it with a cough. A dry towel carefully wiped the corners of my mouth.
“Don’t be sick, Mabel.”
Suddenly a voice was heard. The voice of a grown man calling me Mabel.
“Let’s get well soon and go out to play with this father.”
iced coffee. this is a dream A dream in which I became someone other than myself.
“Because I am your father.”
My name is not Mabel. I’m Yoon Winter…. My dad doesn’t exist.
“Don’t keep it. certainly.”
So this is not my dad. I was in tears. I only had a brief taste of what I couldn’t have, but it was so sweet. I know it’s just a dream, but it was so kind that I just wanted to believe it no matter how disappointed I was later. ‘Cause it’s a dream anyway If it’s in a dream, everything can be forgiven no matter what you do. So I hope you don’t wake up from your dream a little longer.
***
I opened my eyes slowly. The sunlight, cut in the shape of a spear, was stinging down on my body. His eyes were dazzled and he frowned. Looking at the strong sunlight, it seemed that it was already midday beyond the morning. I inadvertently touched my face with my hand and noticed that there was a handkerchief on my forehead. Even though it had only been recently, it was still moist. Obviously, even until I fell asleep, my whole body was hot and my eyes were spinning.
‘Maybe it was a passing summer cold.’
I think I had a dream, but I can’t remember. I think my dad came out… It would be a nightmare if he did. It might be better not to remember.
“Whew….”
Anyway, the cold has healed, so I relieved my sigh. But suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. The room was strangely quiet. Usually there is at least one person in my room during the daytime, but where did everyone go? weird…? Turning my body to the right, I doubted my eyes.
“…?”
The emperor sat back uncomfortably in his chair with his arms crossed, his eyes closed. I wondered if I was hallucinating for a moment, so I closed my eyes and opened them. However, the emperor remained seated.
‘Why are you here?’
Now is not the time for the emperor to come. The emperor opened his eyes slowly, perhaps because of my slightest signs. The blue eyes that had been covered by the eyelids were slowly revealed. His expressionless face, which seemed angry, quickly turned into a friendly smile as soon as our eyes met.
“Wake up, Mabel.”
I’ve seen that dramatic change in expression quite a lot, so I wasn’t surprised anymore. More important than that was why the emperor was here. Where is the nanny again? As I looked around with anxious eyes, the emperor approached me. Then he put a large hand to his forehead. The emperor’s hand was as cold as he thought.
“Your fever has gone down.”
Eh… I stupidly blinked my eyes. The emperor’s clumsy hand measuring my body temperature was somehow not unfamiliar. Even while I was surprised, the emperor moved busily. After soaking a handkerchief in cold water and wringing it out, I put it on my forehead and wiped the whole body with a lukewarm handkerchief. And lastly, I even fed him homemade medicine. Even though I calmly accepted it, I was still in a state of not grasping the situation well.
‘Where is the nanny and why is the emperor taking care of me?’
I stared at the emperor’s face. Maybe I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, but my complexion wasn’t that good.
‘ah.’
I vaguely remembered. At the end of the painful memories of my previous life, someone took care of me, and that was not a dream, but real.
“Whoa…”
I swallowed the cry that was about to burst out. But in vain, tears welled up. Then, the surprised emperor carefully picked me up. The gentle patting hands were so kind.
“Mabel? Are you still sick? huh?”
Restless and worried, his voice was so warm that I couldn’t stop crying.
‘Does he really… love me?’
I wondered if I was really worthy of receiving this kind of love, and I just thought that I was undeserved. As I had thought in my dream, it was awkward as if I had taken someone else’s thing that wasn’t mine. But above all else, the biggest reason I couldn’t trust anyone was insecurity.
‘…Can I not be abandoned no matter how many years pass?’
***
I haven’t been out since then, probably because I caught a bad cold.
‘How good would it be if that was all.’
A warm breeze blew through the window that had been left open for ventilation. It smelled like summer flowers. The nanny, who was quietly embroidering, glanced at the window and ordered Larimar, who was nearby.
“Larima! Close all windows.”
“Your madam.”
Not only did I not go out, but I was sensitive about things that might hurt me without even knowing. I would just ventilate the room and quickly close it, as if exposure to the wind for a little while would cause serious trouble.
“Um…”
It must be because of the emperor. The mobile that was spinning above me was also collected, saying that it was in danger of falling. As with other toys, collect them as they can be dangerous. I also collected the doll that my favorite lady-in-waiting gave me as a gift. All- collection. Because of that, I was more bored than before. At least at night there was no one else so I could move freely, so it was less boring, but there was really nothing to do during the day. If it’s any consolation, is it that I’ve finally escaped the cradle and stayed in bed?
‘Even though it’s a crib, where is this?’
Rolling around secretly was the pleasure of my life. As I was lying idle and killing time, Oscar came in, fanning his hands.
“Oh, it’s hot.”
“Are you here, Your Highness? I’ll even serve you some cold tea.”
“Thanks Nanny.”
Oscar went straight to bed. Oscar casually sat on the bed and held me in his arms. I reflexively swiveled my head, searching for something eagerly.
‘There you are. Lisandro Donovan!’
A human being, my escort and hindrance, watching us half hidden by the door. I glared at Lisandro sharply.
“Mabel. what are you looking at? Ah…”
Oscar’s expression darkened as he followed me. If this is the case, Oscar will not be able to rest properly while watching again. I shouted, pointing at Lisandro.
“Sheep!!”
Literally translated, ‘go away!’ Is it a fair word?
“It’s too much…. It’s so dark.”
Lisandro pretended to cry and disappeared completely behind the door. Then, Oscar burst into laughter.
“Do you hate your uncle that much?”
‘It’s because of you.’
Oscar said as if to say, playing with my hair, which had grown quite a bit before I knew it.
“Don’t hate your uncle too much.”
“yes…?”
“He used to play with me not too long ago, but he became strict after taking on the role of swordsmanship and academic teacher. It’s because they all want me to do well. You’re not a bad person, Mabel.”
Who kicked out Lisandro?
‘What will I be if you defend that man?’
