The great mage who transcends by regression Episode 50
“Tell me, Mikhail.”
This is before the return.
Ariandel said when he gave up his rights as a hero and handed over everything to Siegfried.
“Does it make any difference if you’re so self-loathing that you keep giving up and withdrawing?”
“….”
“I mean, if you don’t even think about changing, will something change if you die like that?”
Of course, I had nothing to answer.
because it was true
Just because I gave up everything that I had no intention of changing… …that nothing changes.
“…I do not know.”
He looked up at the gray sky and continued talking.
“Saintess, have you ever broken precious things with your own hands? Because of my fault, because of my stupidity… …precious people… ….”
“….”
“It is just my own judgment. You cannot serve as the current ex-expedition leader. Of course the warrior… …It makes no sense.”
Those who stand as warriors must not be broken.
In any situation, you should be able to present a suitable solution to those who follow you, not to agonize and hesitate.
At least that was the definition of ‘hero’ I think.
“I am aware of my role. I will support my comrades and tear the demons to pieces as they come.”
“you….”
“If necessary, I will do whatever it takes. If we can save 100 people by sacrificing 10 people, then we must shoulder that burden.”
It’s something I can take on because I’m not a hero. A role that assumes evil and takes on dirty work.
I would do things no one else would ever want to do.
It wouldn’t be a bad story from Ariandel’s point of view either.
In the future, sacrifices will inevitably occur.
In the process, you will receive many resentments.
that’s war
Even this is a battle to save humanity. If we fall because of even the slightest misjudgment, it means the defeat of mankind.
So I take it.
I just need to kill the devil anyway.
The family was destroyed, the master was destroyed… …Those who scattered countless ruins.
“All I have to do is kill the demon.”
“….”
“No matter what the saintess said, I decided to assume that convenient role. That is enough for me.”
Ariandel silently listened to my words.
Normally, he would have vehemently objected to me for saying such unseemly things.
But it was different from usual.
Her gaze was on my hands, stained with blood and scars.
“So is it like that today?”
“that….”
I paused for a moment at Ariandel’s question. Because I needed time to think about how to answer.
Plague spread.
It was created by the devil and the only way to solve it was to burn those affected by the plague.
without leaving a single person behind.
It is unpredictable how many sacrifices it will lead to if the person with the plague goes outside… ….
someone had to
And that’s why.
“It always has been.”
I just did it this time too.
As always.
Because that was the role I took on in Argo in the first place.
“Siegfried was furious. There was a chance to save it, but you cut it off.”
“I guess so.”
Siegfried would, of course. There is no such thing as ‘unavoidable circumstances’ in his head.
Everyone must be saved and everyone must be happy.
Of course there is no such way.
Because if there was such a path, the word sacrifice would not exist in the world.
Ariandel looked at me quietly and then moved to my side.
“Your role is necessary. All of us except for Siegfried… …I know.”
“I guess so.”
Because he would always hang his head as if he had no face when he saw me.
They understand how heavy the weight of what I have put on myself is.
“But sometimes it’s okay to share. That’s what being a colleague is. Share something good… …We have to share even unwanted burdens.”
“If that happens, there will be a problem with the symbolism of being a companion of the ‘Hero’ who is said to be dealing with the demon. I am enough for a role like me.”
“That’s not wrong, but… ….”
Ariandel let out a small sigh.
It’s not like she doesn’t like my low self-esteem. In normal times, he would have been nagging at me, saying, “Why are you wrinkling your face?”
She said something unexpected.
“…You are right.”
“yes?”
“I don’t know the tragedy you went through. I don’t even know what it feels like to shoulder my own karma and have to repeat penance over and over again.”
But, she said slowly.
“Nevertheless, I know that I must never blame myself. For yourself and for those around you.”
“….”
She looked at me, who was silent without answering, and said.
“I’m so sorry, Mikhail.”
“what…You mean?”
“I never tried to understand you. You must have your own reasons.”
Ariandel looked at the burning bonfire with trembling eyes.
“Because I saw myself in you.”
“Saintess…Are you talking?”
“Yeah past…I myself who went through the ceremony of a saint as if pushed by the wrong judgment of the church. Because of that, there was a child I had to protect, but I couldn’t.”
“You are a prophet.”
Ariandel smiled wryly at my words and nodded.
“But it was wrong. I was wrong, but I tried to resolve my ugliness through you.”
“that….”
I tried to say something, but Ariandel shook his head quietly.
“A mistake is a mistake. It won’t do that in the future. But what can I say? just….”
Ariandel let out a bitter laugh.
“I want you to love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.”
“….”
“It starts with self-love. It will be a problem if it is too much, but a moderate level of self-love is a value that everyone has and should have.”
narcissism.
At Ariandel’s words, I pondered the words for a moment.
Will there ever come a moment when I love myself?
That’s a long way off for now.
But if one day the moment of loving myself comes, maybe… …Will I ever be able to love someone else?
I thought so at the time.
* * *
“…okay.”
After hearing my explanation, Eileen said with a sad expression.
“Did that incident make you the embodiment of narcissism as you are now? It is a shocking incident.”
“Do I really have to interpret a touching episode that relieves me of the burden of the past in that way?”
“There is a correct answer to what the saintess said. Too much self-love is poison.”
After letting Aileen’s words go through one ear, I looked at Lian. I don’t know about the other guys, but Lian will understand me as much as this guy.
“Now you need to have a sense of self-doubt instead of self-love.”
“….”
“Wouldn’t that reduce the number of repairs you do once a day, though?”
It wasn’t.
I don’t understand, this guy doesn’t understand the emotional episode I just talked about at all.
“Dogs.”
I can’t believe my colleagues are criticizing me like this.
It is deplorable indeed.
“…In any case, he intends to keep his promise. I don’t know if that will work or not.”
“If that’s the case, then we don’t have any intention of stopping it either.”
Eileen tilted her head.
“But then, that confession…Is it really from ‘affection’?”
“hmm.”
“Just from my point of view, I don’t think confession is something to be done lightly. Of course, nothing is impossible, but in your case… …First of all, aren’t they usually close acquaintances?”
That is true too.
Today’s Eileen was just saying the right words and beating me up nicely.
But anyway, I wouldn’t have thought of this either.
Not even a jerk.
“So you went around for three years.”
“….”
“So many…I had an experience. I also ran simulations in my head whenever I had free time.”
At my words, Lian and Aileen looked at me with subtle expressions without saying who came first.
But what do you mean?
Once you have already made up your mind.
furthermore.
‘Although there are facts I haven’t told these two guys.’
But it is a memory that I personally have to keep in mind.
Does anyone have something like that?
“So, are you thinking of going to Kyoguk right now? Is there something else to prepare?”
“doesn’t exist.”
Haven’t you traveled the world for three years? The preparation itself is already complete.
“As long as there are no unnecessary problems, it won’t matter much. In the first place, there are no demons, but it is strange that problems arise.”
“….”
At that, Rian and Aileen looked at each other at the same time and scratched their heads.
“…Do you really think so?”
“Do you really think so?”
Isn’t that what you’re asking with the expression that you’re seeing something nonsensical?
it’s so real
“Now there is no reason to be in trouble. Are there demons, demons, or apostles who can cause accidents?”
There is no real room.
In particular, it is no exaggeration to say that there is really no problem with Ariandel.
Of course, recently, there was a crisis that a cult like Michael’s religion would suddenly gain power, or something trivial… …Although there are problems.
Then Eileen said.
“It’s not always that the problem is on such a large scale. Even a small problem can ruin your mentality.”
“Heh heh, what the hell are you talking about?”
If your mentality could be destroyed by a small problem, it was destroyed in the past.
what’s going on here
could swear
Now that I have only the final destination of Gyo-guk left, there will be no problems for me at all.
With that thought in mind, it was time to confidently attempt to move to the spatial coordinates of Kyokuguk.
[Mi Mi Mikhail…!]
The set, which should have stayed up all night in the midst of work, is popping out of the air.
why is he doing this again?
“Why are you so blue-eyed again? Did something happen?”
what. Did Tot imprison her in a small room and say that she only makes her work?
After a few days, the child came to be so exhausted in mind and body.
[That’s not the problem! Something big is happening now! Big deal!]
“…hmm?”
I thought I’d hear what he was talking about, so I nodded my head to tell Set.
Seth, who had been gasping for a while, opened his mouth.
[that…Do you remember the Mihail Church from a few days ago?]
“I remember.”
It was to the point where I wondered if I had ever been so angry in the last three years.
Anyway, that issue has been resolved, so it’s not a big problem.
“But why?”
[That’s it… ….]
Set seemed to be thinking about whether he should say this, but soon he closed his eyes and continued.
[Unbeknownst to me…It must have spread to other places beyond the territory… …!]
“…what?”
At that moment, the back of my neck was pulled.
No, what kind of dog is this… ….
“What the hell is going on…!No, more than that, where is the ‘other place’!”
This is no time to be still.
I really need to nip the germs in the bud before they spread further… …!
And Seth’s words continued.
[Kyokyoguk….]
“…what?”
Set looked at me cautiously and spoke again.
[Kyoguk is….]
“….”
Hearing that, I blankly stared at the ceiling.
‘life….’
Why are you like this really?
