Episode 1443. What should I do? (3)
“Sure… there might have been a better way.”
“⋯⋯.”
“Even if it doesn’t mean sacrificing the people of the family like the matriarch said. It must have been there. “The best way to satisfy everyone.”
Tanggunak looked at Cheongmyeong.
Maybe, somewhere in his heart, he was hoping for a little consolation. Or at least a harsh reprimand wouldn’t have been bad. But now, Qingming neither comforted nor reprimanded him. I just admitted it.
“That must be why it’s so difficult.”
“⋯⋯What do you mean?”
“Because there is such a thing as the best. No matter what choice you make, there will be something wrong. “Maybe… there must have been an opportunity to make a choice without any regrets.”
However, Cheongmyeong did not bother to add that humans cannot do that in the end. I knew that it wouldn’t have any meaning to the current Tanggunak.
“But what can I do? It’s already happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. “All you can do is take what you have done and move forward, one step at a time.”
“Like you?”
Cheongmyeong’s answer did not come back. Tang Gunak closed his eyes for a moment.
I’ve always thought it was amazing. Whether human or military, there was no way not to acknowledge the greatness of Cheongmyeong. In some ways, the person in the world who values Cheongmyeong the most may be Tang Jun-ak.
However, at this moment, Tang Gunak realized that even such a high evaluation was not enough to discuss the path taken by Qingming.
How could that be?
Hwasan was a sect whose foundation had all collapsed and all that was left was ruin. How could you not be frustrated by seeing such a sect?
Even the current Dangga, which is a windmill, is in better condition than the Hwasan of a few years ago. Only when all the martial artists of the Tang family, including the Tanggunak, die out and only the gasols who have not properly learned martial arts are barely able to survive will it be possible to compare it to the Hwasan of that time.
Even under such dire circumstances, the volcano came back to life.
So should Tanggunak also take comfort in that fact?
“If it were you…”
Eventually, Tang Gunak opened his eyes, looked at Cheongmyeong, and opened his mouth.
“If you were the head of the Tang family now, you would be better than me.”
“⋯⋯.”
“If you are you, you will be able to put the party back on the rock without shaking an inch. “Because you are that kind of person.”
Cheongmyeong laughed softly after hearing those words.
“Do you think so?”
“Honestly, yes.”
“Do you really think I’m the kind of person who came this far without wavering?”
Cheongmyeong tilted his head. The sky filled my eyes as if it were about to pour down.
Tanggunak said that the countless stars felt like the eyes of our ancestors. What do those stars look like in the eyes of Cheongmyeong now?
“If I were really an unwavering person like the matriarch said… “If you are someone who doesn’t look back on the past, doesn’t doubt the choices you made, and can firmly believe that what you have already done was the best…”
After being silent for a moment, a bitter smile appeared on Cheongmyeong’s lips.
“⋯⋯I would have liked it too. “Yes, then I guess I don’t have any wishes either.”
Cheongmyeong knows. Even if everyone in the world believes that, that is not who they really are.
“You…”
“But unfortunately, I’m not that kind of person. Rather, I am a person who is holding on to the past that was long gone, endlessly doubting the choices I made, and not being able to sleep well because I am holding on to what I have already done.”
Tang Gunak stared at Cheongmyeong in disbelief.
“Even now?”
“yes. “Even now.”
Suddenly, a question crossed Tanggunak’s mind. This is a question that should not be asked except in this situation. No, perhaps it’s a question that shouldn’t be asked even in this situation.
However, the Tanggunak ended up being spoken out loud.
“Do you regret heading to Haenam?”
Qingming did not answer. I just stared up at the sky. Colorless silence. But it contained so many answers.
“well.”
A little time passed and Cheongmyeong shrugged his shoulders.
“I think there will be misunderstandings if I don’t answer, so I have to answer… Yes, I regret it.”
“⋯⋯.”
“But if I go back to the past, I will end up going to Haenam the same way.”
Tang Gunak’s eyes wavered slightly.
“So you’ll do the same thing and regret it again. “Like a moron.”
“⋯⋯Why?”
“Is the head of the family different?”
When the question was directed at him, Tanggunak closed his mouth.
“You’ve all been through it. And now you’re groaning over the consequences of that decision. What order would the head of the family give if you go back in time one day? Are you going to tell us to protect Dokgo and the workshop even if everyone dies?”
Tanggunak could not answer.
He is feeling it now. What has he lost? What has the party lost? In return, what a difficult path the Sacheondang family will have to walk in the future.
But even so, I couldn’t answer that I would make a different decision. Just silence.
“Probably not.”
“⋯⋯.”
“It’s the same with the head of the family. Even though they regret, despair, and curse that the choice they made was terrible, they will make the same choice again. And then you will regret and despair like a fool again.”
Tang Gunak’s hands were shaking slightly. I can’t say for sure that it isn’t so.
You can’t lose anything. But there is no way to protect everyone. Something must be lost. Is there a way to not regret such a choice?
“It feels really harsh. “If only I had known that being the head of a family would be like this…”
“It’s the same for everyone.”
Cheongmyeong flatly denied Tanggunak’s words.
“I don’t choose it because I want to go. There is only a difference between big and small. Everyone makes choices in life. I mean the choice to throw away what you have in your hands. “People wear themselves out by weighing and weighing the things they don’t want to lose but have to.”
It becomes so dull. At first it is painful, like peeling off a piece of flesh, but later it becomes mild, like peeling off a callus.
Those who remained here simply could not become numb.
It’s just that I haven’t been able to completely wash away my sadness as time has passed.
“How do we move forward?”
Desperation flashed in Tang Gunak’s eyes.
“How can someone who regrets everything, despairs over everything, and is worn down by everything, move forward again? “How on earth could you not be afraid of your own choices again?”
Cheongmyeong had a wry smile on his lips.
“It would be upside down.”
“⋯⋯Upside down?”
“It’s not about being fearful, being bold, and being steadfast…”
Cheongmyeong’s eyelashes fluttered.
“Because I am so scared of losing, I move forward in order to lose as little as possible. “If you sit there, the only thing left is to lose without end.”
A bittersweet voice spread across the quiet field.
“Maybe it’s the same for everyone. People who do great things in the eyes of others are people who are afraid of what others are not afraid of. Those who see further are probably the ones who are afraid in advance of things that others are not yet afraid of.”
“⋯⋯.”
“Something… “The same goes for everyone who achieves something great.”
Tanggunak, who had been listening blankly, burst out laughing for a moment.
“The people the world calls heroes… may actually have been terrible cowards.”
“Is it strange?”
“It’s not strange. “If someone other than you had said that, it would have been considered strange… but if you did it, it wouldn’t be strange.”
Isn’t this young man in front of me the terrible coward who achieves absurd things?
A miserable idiot who is afraid in advance of something that no one else is worried about and tries to do whatever it takes.
“Then Hwasan Sword Association.”
“Yes, matriarch.”
“Then what do I have to be afraid of?”
Tanggunak’s eyes turn to the sky again. The stars still felt heavy and weighed down my shoulders.
“I am not great enough to worry about the future like you, and I am not a great person who is so attentive that I notice in advance what others do not worry about. “Right now I’m just… scared and scared of everything in the world.”
It was a faintly trembling and shaking voice that did not resemble the Tang military music that everyone in the world knew.
“You are right, but you are wrong. At least you’re a coward who knows what to be most afraid of. But I can’t be a coward like you. “I’m just a coward who’s scared of everything.”
“⋯⋯.”
“So, Hwasan Sword Association. Please answer me. “What do I have to be afraid of?”
Then Cheongmyeong looked at the Tanggunak and asked.
“Is that a question as part of the party’s evil? Or is this a question for you as the head of the Tang family?”
Tang Gunak was unable to readily answer. Then Cheongmyeong spoke.
“If you’re asking this as a member of the party, I’ll tell you to stop worrying and go to sleep since it’s not your responsibility anyway.”
“…It’s harsh in a different way.”
“And if you’re asking that as the head of the Tang family, you shouldn’t ask me.”
Tang Gunak smiled bitterly. That’s because it sounded like it was a problem that had to be thought about alone. Just as he was about to nod his head in acknowledgment, Cheongmyeong raised his hand and pointed to the sky.
“Ask directly.”
“⋯⋯.”
“To those who are watching the matriarch.”
So many stars, so many eyes. The ancestors who protected the Sacheondang family are now looking down on him. But no matter how much you look and ask for an answer, they remain silent and just watch.
The answer Tanggunak hoped for came not from the sky, but from beside him. A small voice full of regret pierced my ears clearly.
“Why did the Party originate?”
“⋯⋯What does that mean?”
“For what purpose did our ancestors who turned the Sacheondang family into a shaman family and taught their descendants how to live?”
Sacheon was a place looked down on in the central region.
In such a place, when the Sichuan city called Chengdu had not yet taken shape, the ancestors of the Tang family built a home where everyone with the Tang surname could live together.
He taught me how to discipline myself and how to protect my body with poison. And he said to continue that method forever.
why?
Tang Gunak’s eyes widened slightly. It seemed like the stars were going to fall on him at any moment.
“There will be no answer. Because a dead person will have no answer. But… “If they could answer now, they would definitely say this.”
Cheongmyeong opened his mouth.
With his voice, he carries the will of someone other than his own.
– They don’t know what’s important.
“It’s not the poison that’s important.”
– You used to protect the means for the purpose, but now the means has eaten the purpose? Stupid guys.
“Memorizing Dokdo is just a tool.”
– Brother, I feel sorry for you. Everything that was created for the family is now strangling the family. What was the intention of the noblemen who first established the Tang family?
“If that means interferes with the party, it’s better than not having it.”
-The important thing is.
“The important thing is.”
– Isn’t this how the Tang family’s descendants can live happier lives? If it gets in the way, even Dokdo Memorization and the family law is just a pathetic obstacle.
“This is what our ancestors tried to convey to you. “It’s just…”
Cheongmyeong closed his eyes. This is what he has to say. This is what he has to say.
But those words were also being conveyed to Cheongmyeong.
The words that flowed from his mouth became the voice of Tangbo, the voice of our ancestors, and the voice of the lost…
“Be happy…”
Cheongmyeong’s eyes were watery.
It felt like someone was putting a hand on his shoulder. So he couldn’t even turn his head.
The words that had not been conveyed for a long time, that could not be reached even though they were conveyed again, finally landed on Cheongmyeong’s shoulders after over a hundred years.
